child support

Katrina - posted on 11/16/2009 ( 20 moms have responded )

20

14

1

my ex (of course) would like me to drop the case so he doesnt spend time in jail.....he hasnt been paying so its not like we'd be missing out on anything when it comes to him paying....im not sure if i should.... i mainly wanted some guidance on the matter

20 Comments

View replies by

Veronica Hope - posted on 11/21/2009

5

11

1

Ok well first off this is just MY opinion being that I have been going thru the same DRAMA with my EX.... I say why should you care if he does jail time. He doesnt care that you are supporting the childon your own. You take care of you and your child. He needs to GROW UP, and do what he needs to do to get his matters settled. Its HIS problem NOT yours. Had he of been a resposible human being from the get go he would not be in this jam........ Consequences like JAIL and taking they driving priviladges away, are done for a reason. IT WORKS... dont rationalize his actions by saying " we havent been getting anything anyway" let him do what he needs to do to be a MAN.

Barb - posted on 11/21/2009

2

22

0

Don't drop it. He should help support his children. When my ex left he was paying on a voluntary bases however he stopped paying it. I then took him to domestic relations where I am. He wanted me to drop the case when I started it saying that he would pay it again but he was 4 months behind when I finally went and filed for it. I feel that they should be responsible for their children.

Romeka - posted on 11/20/2009

3

24

0

I say go ahead with the case he knows what needs to be paid and when. I have my sons dad on child support it was first order in 2007 and he has only made 2 payments from then til now. He dosent come to see my son or provide anything for him. He also had his tail tucked between his legs when jail time was brought up because of his nonpayment!!! So I'm saying that to say this he had time before jail came up to make payments and he didnt your child will always need things regardless of your financial status they can never go without and we as mothers have to make a way out of no way so its not fair to your child for you to drop the case and have him feel like only my mom is supposed to provide for me.

Beth - posted on 11/20/2009

4

28

0

Don't drop your case i went through HELL with my sons father getting him to finally start paying child support for years he would pay for a while then stop and do it all over again now hes 39 and hes getting disability because he cant work any more because of health issues but he still has to pay his child support and my son also gets his payments from his fathers disability so theres ways around making them pay for thier kids ... if he dont want to pay let him spend time in jail maybe it will open his eyes ... from one mother to another dont let him off with out paying ........

Beth - posted on 11/20/2009

4

28

0

Don't drop your case against him the child support enforcement will make him get a job and pay or got to jail til he complies with them ........

Amanda - posted on 11/19/2009

4

13

0

My ex hasn't paid child support in 7 years. He owes me over $15,000 and he went to jail for a year and still isn't paying. And we go through Domestic Relations through the county and right now, the case is suspended (not my choice, theirs) b/c he can't find a job. He doesn't want to pay and won't find a job. So, its suspended until March and then they will review it and if he still doesn't have a job, then they will drop it! Now, thats a bunch of bull!! I've raised his 3 kids by myself, he won't even come to see them and yet, they are letting him out of paying support!!

Stephanie Gretchen - posted on 11/19/2009

8

7

0

I would let him sweat it out! Yeah he's in jail and that won't pay for support, but he is not paying anyway and he should KNOW that if he don't, jail is what he has to look forward to!

Danielle - posted on 11/19/2009

5

34

0

Do NOT drop your child support case. The noncustodial parent should always follow their court order and pay support for their child. Both parents should financially support the child regardless of either parent's income level. It's his fault he owes arrearages. If he had money issues such as unemployment, he could have asked FOC for a case review and to get the amount temporarily lowered until his income status changed. This is something he could of changed before it ever became an issue regarding jail time. Do NOT feel sympathetic for him. He is able to contact the court and find out the minimum he would have to pay to remain out of jail. Your own financial stability is irrelevant, all parents should contribute towards the financial upbringing of their children.

Good luck to you, and whatever decision you come to.

Pauline - posted on 11/18/2009

8

21

0

Stacy makes a few good points. My opinion would be to follow them IF the father is actually a dad and there for his kid(s). If isn't, then you need to do what needs to be done so that hopefully he can see the error in his ways. Don't drop the case at all - even if you do work out some other "payment plan" with the father. If that is what happens, I would make sure the judge and state know what is happening with your deal with the father and they don't look at him as being a deadbeat dad. If you do get child support from the father and don't really need the money because you make enough on your own to support yourself and your child, I would start some sort of savings account to keep for your child. I really don't know what else to tell you. Just do what you need to do to make sure that your child has what he/she needs.

Stacy - posted on 11/17/2009

224

38

15

Being a mother who wants the best for your child, ask yourself a couple questions.
1)Does he visit your child on a regular bases?
2)How will it affect your child if the father goes to jail?
3) Can you put a price on love, or a child?
Rather or not a parent pays suport doesn't have anything to do with loving or wanting to see the child. Yes you should take care of your child, but you can do so without going to court. money DOES NOT make the world go round. Which is more important, money, or your child having his father around? I mean if he doesn't come around anyways, don't worry about it. but if he is a part of your sons life, have him help in other ways. School supplies cost alot of money. He can help with uttilities. If you want him to go to college, see if he is willing to open a college found for him and put x amount of money in it a week. Then there is the issue of work, does he have a job? Find nutural grounds so your child do't get hurt in the middle of it all. He can't be a daddy behind bars!

Carolyn - posted on 11/17/2009

13

19

0

My ex use to accuse me of spending the support on myself. When ever we went to court he always had a sob story for the judge. She finally threw his sorry ass in jail and I got half of his retirement. He paid really well for a couple of years, then went and quit his job. He owes my boys 15,000. (they are all grown up). I tell them to take him back to court, but they don't want anything to do with him. Don't let him get away with it, your children deserve it and it's their money.

Stephanie - posted on 11/17/2009

21

7

2

don't drop it. and if you are going through a county or some sort of government they won't let you drop it. the only way you can hav it removed is if you are having someone adopt the child which means the father has to sign over his rights which means he doesn't have to pay the support. the arrears are a dif story. you could make him pay all, some or none. i went through this. depends how much of a fight he'll put up and how bad you want him gone. The governments job is to look after the welfare of the child. Child support is a part of their welfar they need to be sure the child is taken care of financially (i personally think this is a bunch of bullshit) because when i was a single parent working full time and not receiving child support (as i was supposed to, so i understand where youre coming from) I made enough to support us 2 no problem. Good luck with your decision.

Nicole - posted on 11/17/2009

5

5

0

NEVER drop your case! He will have to pay you eventually. He will not go to jail if he pays SOMETHING. He only gets into trouble if he does not pay and the amount owed is adjusted according to the father's level of income anyway...

Joanie - posted on 11/17/2009

3

6

0

This is a hard one,I believe he should be paying something for his child even if is 20 dollars a week. I would not drop the case because he needs to help you with the financial responabilities of raising a child. You could lower the support amount so you can get something from him. I hope I was a help to you!

Not sure what to say, Joanie

Ella - posted on 11/17/2009

49

52

12

No, don't drop it. It is his duty as a father to help support your kids. You didn't make them on your own. So why should you be the only one to take care of their needs? Don't feel a bit sorry for him. he should spend time in jail and feel less of a man to not want to help with his kids. People like this really piss me off and make me sick! Feel sorry for yourself and kids that are being deprived from financial support. My ex is actually trying to get custody of our kids so he doesn't have to pay. I'm not backing down, instead I'm standing my ground and keeping my kids and get the money that is owed for helping me care for our kids. Economy is bad right now and why should you have to struggle to take care of them yourself? I hope this helps.

Christina - posted on 11/17/2009

4

34

0

Don't drop it! This is his responsibility for his child and the principle behind it. I have the same problem except according to him I am the fault for everthing when it comes to my daughter and her father not wanting to pay support, not seeing her etc. It's tiring but ultimately it comes down to her. They say it takes approx 250,000 to 300,000 to raise a child from birth to 18. He will have contributed 61,000. Well that's when he actually pays. He too can't believe I would push for him to have to pay but yet he wants a father of the year award when he's only seen her 9 times in her entire life.

I guess you have to turn the table, your child lives with you wonder if you had no income and he wasn't paying child support what would you do. You would do anything you had to to make sure your child was cared for. You still have to feed, clothe and keep a roof over their head. Don't suspend it or drop it. It's his responsibility as a parent.

April - posted on 11/16/2009

11

17

0

i agree you shouldnt drop it...however i have a soft heart to and i just suspended it so he could catch up but if you drop it it is extreamly hard to start again

plus everyones situation is different so if hes a dead beat or doesnt see or care for them then maybe alittle time in jail will make him think clearly

Carol - posted on 11/16/2009

1

0

1

Don't drop it, if he didn't want to spend time in jail then he should have paid. You should not back down, they try everything they can to make us feel bad when we are the ones having to do everything for our children.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms