Does working affect your child rearing?

Tia - posted on 05/12/2009 ( 15 moms have responded )




While working a full time job does your children lack their mothers well needed attention?


Dena - posted on 05/12/2009




I work full-time, usually 50 hours a week or so, but I do it from home. Job - not business. It was working fine for years, but lately I've been so busy and stressed that I know my kids are suffering. It's hard when your 10 year old asks "When are you not going to be busy any more?" and you can't give her a good answer... that's why I've started sending out resumes to find a different position that is still working from home.

I worked outside the home until my kids were 4 and 5, they were in a pre-school and did just fine... but frankly I had more time for them then than I do now.


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Miranda - posted on 05/20/2009




First of all I would like to point out that stay home moms are not just lucky enough to be able to afford to do this. I am a stay home mom; my family makes monetary sacrifices in order for me to stay home. I do work some from home on my own time and do feel that my kids benefit greatly by having home all the time. That is not to say that working mothers don't give their kids what they need. A working mother can get just as much quality time with the kids as a stay home mom; they may have to compress the quality time into a smaller time space but it's still there.
Good moms are goods moms no matter what they have chosen as their career.
Kudos to all the moms who roll around on the floor with their toddlers.

Denise - posted on 05/18/2009




As a mom who worked when her first two were young, though I had flex-time and part-time work status most of the year, and who has stayed home for the past 6 years with her third child, I know how it is both ways. I guess it depends on the mother and how much time she devotes to her children when she is home. Though, I do believe kids benefit from their mom being home full-time more than when working. There's no way you can have a job, keep up with the day-to-day housework, shopping, laundry, etc. and still have enough quality time with your children. I think kids who's mom sacrificed to stay home with them are by far more well-adjusted than daycare kids.

Sarah - posted on 05/18/2009




not everyone is lucky enough to be able to afford to be SAHM, with my first child i stayed at home til she was about one and a half and then went to work 4 days a week in the afternoons. my youngest is now one and tho i would love to stay at home, financially i have no option but to find a job. when i do go back to work, i don't think my children will be lacking in motherly love, because as some of the comments above have stated, the time i spend with them will be quality time. i also feel like working gives me some time in an adult enviroment with adult conversation which i sorely miss will at home with the kids. plus, i believe going to nursery is good for kids as it teaches them lots of social skills. when my eldest started school, it wasn't a big shock to her as she was used to mummy leaving, some kids were crying for their mums for weeks!! i was very proud of my daughter for adapting so quickly and i think her time in nursery helped this. i have no problem with SAHM's and i wish i could stay home with mine for longer, but it does annoy me when people try to make out you're a bad mother for not staying at home!

Mary Anne - posted on 05/17/2009




I was a stay at home mom with my older two girls, they are not 17 and 21 but now I have to go to work with my 6 and 4 yr old at home and I find things are alot differant but I also have alot more patience with them.

[deleted account]

I find working 3 days a week is the best balance for me. I stayed at home for about a year each after my first 2, then stayed at home for 2 years after the third child, but I found I was going a bit crazy. I was too heavily involved and became a bit obsessed about everything on the home front! But now, at the end of my 3 days at work I'm really looking forward to plunging back into the world of kids and mums.

Kenya - posted on 05/15/2009





Morag - posted on 05/15/2009




My eldest just came out with A's at school this trimester and she has dyslexia. My 15 month old can recognise the words cat/dog in English and lapiz in Spanish, she can recognise her numbers 1 to 4 and can recognise colours and shapes, not to mention already speaking 3 languages (and she actually speaks and understands them although she still struggles to differentiate between them yet )... We go to museums, art galleries, educations trips...bake cakes/bread, go to the funfair in our spare time. me being a working full time mum has Obviously detrimentally hindered my childrens learning... :S I am lucky that my hours are not too extreme, only 37 hours a week, but I have found that because I work I put a lot more time and investment into my kids during the times I am with them...the idea of, I'll do that later just isn't possible. I am also still heavily breastfeeding my youngest child where most mothers have long given up because its too time consuming or difficult and they are SAHM where they have, imo a lot more opportunity to breastfeed than me, as I am actually physically seperated from my baby. I even pumped when my baby was still exclusively breastfeed so she could have ebm. That took exordinate amounts of dedication

I would love to be a SAHM... I still have to try and fit in being a good mum, doing the chores and then on top of that working. For me it would be lovely to have all that extra time with my kids and to sort out my home... but I don't I am not that lucky. After I got pregnant I was made redundent from a very good job, within 3 months of getting another job my husband lost his. So we have been unlucky. My husband has found another one but at the moment his wages would support our outgoings. We claim no welfare nor benefits of any kind.

When I got pregnant we were in a good postion and I could have been a SAHM but things changed because of the crisis and unfortunately I had to go back to work full time when I did.

Its unfair to say that all working parents are detrimentally harming their children because its just not true. Being a SAHM mother doesn't make you a better mother than a working one. Its how you care for your kids. As a child of a SAHM who I now have the most horrendous relationship with and who pretty much destroyed my childhood... I can assure you that treating your children with love and respect, trust and kindness, care and attention is what raises good children. The only difference with working mums is that they need to work that little bit harder at this because they don't have all that free time.

Angie - posted on 05/13/2009




I was a SAHM for 13 years then went to work at the local school so I could be with my children. I got an offer that was too good to be true, yet was, and worked full time for one year. I loved my job but I found that the children didn't get the attention from me that they deserved. I missed school plays that were very hurtful to them. I'm back to being a SAHM and my children are all happier to have mom at home - and so am I!

Alicia - posted on 05/13/2009




I think I agree w/ Natalie. I work full-time and because of the type of employment my husband & I have our schedules can be pretty crazy. We have been fortunate w/a wonderful sitter who can adjust to our needs but on the other hand we are there for our children, we fish w/ them, play w/ them, pray w/ them, go to church w/ them and listen to them. They make A's in school and are very happy.

Gina - posted on 05/12/2009




Wow, if that's not a jab at working moms, I don't know what is! In my experience, my girls did not lack in my attention by my working full time (I work from home now, my oldest girls are in school, but my 3 year old goes to a sitter part time). I've always believed that quality is more important than quantity anyway. I've known lots of moms - and read LOTS of posts from moms, who stay at home and are so stressed it is unhealthy. SOME only stay home because they think they have to. When I worked away from home, when I picked up my girls, it was CONSTANT interaction from after school to bed time - doing homework together, (or coloring when they were little) to helping me with dinner, then relaxing together , chores together, I'd bathe them, read them stories every night(and I still do) and sing them lullabyes (and I still do). I think, for me, working made me miss them and not take any time for granted. In addition, my girls benefitted by my working because I believe I am a positive role model for them (they oldest want to be teachers because mommy is one). Also the experiences they have while in day care are irrefutable - they learned how to get along with others - to take turns, and social skills that by staying home they don't get. But your question is if the kids get the attention because mom works full time? Maybe. But who says kids get attention from SAHM's? Just cause you're at home, doesn't mean you're not on the computer all the time, or watching soaps and talk shows all day and not giving your kids attention either.

Natalie - posted on 05/12/2009




I'm a stay at home mom and feel that my girls definately benefit positively from this. My girls cannot handle me going to work, it shows in their school work and in their behaviour. They become withdrawn. Bear in mind that this is only my experience with my girls. I believe that every family is different and it depends on the family's situation. My nephew on the other hand copes well in aftercare as he has been going to full day creche from age 3.

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