J - posted on 07/30/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )




I am not a mum but a dad, i have a four year old daughter that stays with me,my partner and our 7 month old son every other weekend ....She has started to tell her mum (my ex) lies about her weekend ...two weeks ago she told her mum she had been made to sleep on the floor by my partner - this never happened and me and her real mum at first wondered why on earth she had come up with it and basically came up she must of dreamt it or something and thought little else of it . This weekend however my daughter has gone home and said that my partner said to her that "she needs to find a new dad as i have a new baby and that my daughter should change her name to her mums as daddy doesnt want you or need you anymore... This is not only ridiculous but also my partner only saw my daughter on saturday night for ten mins before she went to bed (and i was there the whole time) so this is physically impossible aswell. Mum obviously beleive s daughter and is now saying she cant stay anymore - why is my 4 YO daughter doing this is she jealous or trying to cause trouble - i want to sit with my daughter and her mum and ask her why and that she isnt in trouble just tell me why - HELP


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Kristin - posted on 07/30/2012




To me it sounds like you all need to sit down with your daughter to find out what the root of the problem is. I think it may be jealousy towards a new sibling as well she may fear that the new baby will replace her. Let her know how much she is loved and will never be replaced by anyone in your life. Maybe she is resenting your new wife as well and she may feel unwanted or unloved by her as well since new baby came. By presenting a unified front with you, your ex and new wife and talking to your daughter you may be able to resolve these issues. Let her speak her mind and her fears and just let her know how much she is loved. It may be hard on her as well if she is an only child at her moms house and she gets all the attention to herself. Have your new wife reassure your daughter as well letting her know she loves her too. With step kids it is always difficult but the step parent needs to be able to reassure the child as much as the parents. I have 2 step children and it was rough at first when they used to saay your not my mom, but I would stand my ground and say to them I know I am not yout mom but I am your friend and I am an adult and as such they needed to be respectful of me. I took all the kids swimming (my 2 step kids and my kid) and treated all ythe kids equally. When my step kids had an issue they talked to me and I love them like my own and I also let them know that. All kids need to feel loved and wanted and I hope you can resolve this with your daughter.

Christa - posted on 07/30/2012




It could be jealousy over the new sibling. It could also be that she is doing this intentionally, my 3 1/2 yr old started this about the time she turned 3. She figured out that she got special treatment if she told dad "mom doesn't let me eat cookies" or if she tells mom "dad yells at me". We started asking her "if i call mom/dad would he/she tell me the same thing?" usually she would hang her head and say no, and then we would call the other parent on speaker and talk about the importance of telling the truth while reassuring her we were not angry. Having to admit she had said this to the other parent seemed punishment enough. This also worked with my 8 yr old step-son.
Another reason your daughter may be saying these things is that she is upset over something, (her new sibling, a parent having a new partner, a new routine, etc.) Try sitting her down, you could even have her mom present, and ask why. There is nothing wrong with asking, and if she can open up about it you can all find a way to ease her frustration, fear, anxiety towards whatever it is that's causing her to act up.

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