Help! My 6 year old having meltdown over the way clothes fit

Holly - posted on 09/15/2010 ( 65 moms have responded )

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The subject of this topic is a little misleading, so I'll attempt to explain the best I can...

I have a 6 year old girl (just entered into grade 1), who by most accounts is a fabulous child. She's polite, incredibly smart, excellent grades in school, very social, and very active in sports. However.... A few years ago, my daughter started getting very out of sorts when she would wear her winter coat if the velcro around the wrists weren't tight enough. She would make me do the velcro up as tight as it could physically be. I thought that she just didn't like snow getting up her sleeves, so I dealt with the occasional (maybe 2-3 times the entire winter season) meltdown, but everyday, she would make it known it HAD to be incredibly tight. I thought we were past this issue when winter was over, but things have progressed past her winter jacket cuffs. She has absolute meltdowns if things don't fit a certain way. It seems to be that things have to fit INCREDIBLY tight, (waists around pants, underwear) or not be too long (pant legs not going past the ankle bone, sleeves cannot be even an inch past her wrist). Not screaming or violent, she just breaks down and cries uncontrollably. Like I'm not kidding, she has a few shirts where the sleeve will come down just past her wrist, and she will break down crying until the sleeve is rolled up (same goes for the length of pants). If the waist on pants or skirts isn't nearly suffocating her, she will break down into a fit of tears.

Don't get me wrong, she is a very stable girl, she never throws fits (asides from these), very well behaved, is an incredible big sister to our son, and she isn't a "bratty" kid, it's just with this issue of how clothes fit. It gets to the point where she flat out refuses to wear perfectly good clothing, and clothing that fits her how normal clothes should fit. She is a skinny girl with long legs, so we have to buy the pants that have the adjustable waist, and she puts it on the absolute tightest setting, which leaves marks around her stomach for hours after taking the pants off. I hate buying her clothing, because if I don't buy it small enough, she refuses to wear it, or else it's a 2 hour battle to get her to wear it (and if we get her to wear it, she go into crying fits throughout the day about how it's not tight enough, etc).

I know it may seem like a stupid issue, but it's gotten to the point that she has these meltdowns over clothes that technically fit her perfectly, but she wants to wear things that are visibly way too small, and are leaving marks on her body. I've had family tell me it sounds like OCD, but when I research it on the internet, she doesn't seem to fit the profile. I dread getting her dressed in the morning for school, or when we're going out somewhere. It's a constant battle, and I've tried everything I can think of. Our family doctor takes well over a month to see, and usually we get put with the nurse practioner who literally knows nothing (she has "misdiagnosed" my kids on countless occasions), so I'm not really sure where to go. I feel absolutely horrible when I find myself getting angry and yelling at her over this issue. Is any other mom having this problem or any suggestions on how to deal with it?

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Julie - posted on 02/07/2013

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I also am not a mom, but I found this discussion while searching for a name for the issues I had with clothes as a kid. (I am 33 now.) As early as I can remember being able to express opinions, I remember objecting to any tight fitting clothes, especially if there were seams directly next to my skin. My mom remembers it as me constantly undressing myself after she had put my clothes on me. Jeans were an absolute no-go, as were turtlenecks and sweaters. Underwear was difficult; I only would wear a certain kind that were looser. Socks were intolerable because of the seam across the toes. I remember taking my shoes and socks off at school in kindergarten or 1st grade and having to explain to my teacher that the socks were bothering me. My solution was to wear them inside out so the seam was not directly on my toes. Tags in clothing were always a problem; I usually had to cut them out. The neck seam on t-shirts was often too tight, so I wore t-shirts a size larger so that it didn't feel like it was strangling me.

What I wasn't able to communicate effectively then was the sense of rising panic that came over me when some clothing item was too restrictive for my comfort. Even if I knew that it wasn't entirely rational (maybe that shirt or those socks were okay last week and will be fine next month, but today they feel bad), it didn't stop the sense of panic and the urge to take the item off and start over. I think my mom just thought I was being difficult; I remember being forced to wear clothes that made me very uncomfortable against my will. Obviously, these are not fond memories.

I am not sure whether SPD fits for me - the initial info I just read on the internet seems far more extreme than how I would describe my clothing issues. The only overlap beyond the discomfort from clothes issue is that I've always been a little more sensitive to touch than others seem to be, mostly on the pain side - like if someone hugs me and slaps my back, it hurts. And if I bump into a doorway, I bruise quite easily. Who knows? But most of the SPD traits don't describe me very well. I do believe I have OCD and anxiety, but I have never considered these issues to be limiting in any way, nor have I ever taken medication for these issues. I did very well all through school, have a post-grad degree, a good job, and have been plenty successful in life. I have never though the OCD was necessarily related to the clothes issue, though I am not certain. Moreover, it doesn't feel the same. The OCD routines I have calm me down, but avoiding them does not cause rising panic - just a feeling of distraction. Also, I certainly do not believe the clothing problems led to or worsened my OCD. If anything, I would just relate them both to my generally higher levels of anxiety than average.

The clothing issues got better for me as I was given more choice over my clothing. There were plenty of things I could comfortably wear, though sometimes it took an outfit or two to find something that was comfortable for me on a particular Tuesday. I have exactly the same issues today, but I manage just fine by shopping for and choosing my own clothes. I now love jeans, but still would not consider wearing a turtleneck. I don't bother with t-shirts either, and rarely wear socks (same seam discomfort problem). Lace up tennis shoes are usually out - I don't like the tightness across my foot, and since they usually go with socks, that's a double problem. So I just find shoes that are comfortable for me and only wear the tennis shoes when necessary. I never got comfortable tucking shirts in (couldn't stand the feeling of wrinkles next to my skin), so I choose blouses for work that are not designed to be tucked in - problem solved. Underwear is still tricky - I have found some styles that I like, but periodically my preferences will change or I'll find something more comfortable and will switch to that style. I still have days where I get dressed and get that rising panic feeling somewhere in the process; but now I know that I just need to pick out something else to wear that day, and I can quickly fix the problem by switching outfits. This happens infrequently now - maybe just a few times a year - since I just don't buy or keep clothes that bother me.

For moms with children who have clothing issues - by all means get them professional attention if you feel it could be helpful. But don't assume your child is being difficult on purpose, and do consider that your child may be experiencing anxiety that he or she is not able to communicate or understand. Try clothes with different materials, fits, stretchiness, and styles (especially re: underwear). Don't force your kid to wear clothes that she can't tolerate or that make her uncomfortable. Give the child more choice for the day and in shopping for future clothes. If he/she wants clothes so tight that it may cause physical harm, then that's another consideration, but on the other hand, people used to wear corsets for vanity, and needing to have a tight waistband for your mental composure is hardly so worrisome in comparison. (Or, vice versa, loose clothing.) It's encouraging to see moms worrying about what may be behind this, but I don't think you need to be concerned that it will be life-limiting or will lead to more serious problems.

Amy - posted on 09/17/2010

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It sounds to me like she has a sensory processing disorder. You could talk to her teacher about getting her evaluated for it, sometimes OT helps with these issues. My daughter has some sensory issues that are opposite to your daughter, she can't stand anything tight, tags bother her and she can't handle it when the seam in her sock isn't straight. It's gotten better as she's gotten older, but she basically wears sweat pants or stretch pants all the time. Sometimes it can help to have kids that want tight clothing to wear tights and lycra shirts under their clothing that way they can get the feeling of the pressure on their skin that they want without it digging into their skin like it is with your daughter.

Melissa - posted on 12/04/2013

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Julie M, I started crying as soon as I started to read your post. I don't know if you will see my reply but you sound EXACTLY like my 5 year old daughter. It is so difficult to deal with and each day after I send her off to school I just want to sit on my bed and cry. It is such a struggle every single day to get her ready. I have spent hundreds of dollars trying to find her underwear that won't give her 'wedgies' as she calls it. All pants are uncomfortable to her and I have been dreading her kindergarten Christmas concert for months knowing she'll have to wear tights. Socks are the worse. The seam issue is horrible but they also have to be a certain length above her ankle. She doesn't like sneakers because they are too tight, and many other types of footwear for that matter. It is funny you should mention the bruising easy because my daughter is always covered in bruises. It is very difficult as a Mom not knowing exactly how to deal with it, but you have given me some insight as to how it feels for her and Thank You.

Anna - posted on 09/24/2010

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Sensory Processing Disorder is a real thing and it has an incredible spectrum, sometimes in the same say or within hours. I'm just now dealing with the ramifications of my son's diagnosis. There's a book called Raising A Sensory Smart Child by Lindsey Biel, M.A..,OTR/L and Nancy Peske newly updated and expanded in 2009 (1st edition was 2005). It is real. Try the school, see if they have an occupational therapy room or gym, there's stuff in ours I've never seen before. Research online there are reputable sites that will help with info. that other parents have gleaned from their journey. Be encouraged. You are not alone in this.

Brenda - posted on 02/16/2013

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I'm a mom with 2 daughters (10 and 5) and between the three of us and my husband, we're just a melting pot of sensory issues :-). The biggest impact so far has been on the 10 yr old who, at the start of last year, was struggling to cope in a variety of areas because of these issues, which made our family life miserable.

She went for Sensory Integration Therapy with an AWESOME occupational therapist who specialises in this, and within 6 months the change was unbelievable! It took only 8 months of therapy and she's now a different child. We're in South Africa, so sharing her name or info won't be of any help to you, but I've included some info and websites further below should you wish to find someone who'll be effective.

Often if there's one sensory dysfunction (like tactile), there are more (auditory, oral, proprioceptive, vestibular, etc.) and one can vary on the sensitivity scale of each from under-responsive to it to defensive/hyper-sensitive to it. Here's a great checklist that clarified for me how much my daughter needed the therapy... go to sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-processing-disorder-checklist.html (put in www. first).

The therapist we went to used the SIPT (Sensory Integration Praxis Test) which seems to be the gold standard of assessing sensory dysfunctions. All therapists / associates in her practice have done The Sensory Integration Certification Program through the University of Southern California, which seems to be the only course approved for using the SIPT and effectively treating sensory integration issues. Google "Sensory Integration Certification Program" for more info. If you decide to search for an SI Certified Therapist, go to portal.wpspublish.com/portal/page?_pageid=53,83247&_dad=portal&_schema=PORTAL (or just google "SI certified therapists")...many occupational therapists will "treat" SI dysfunctions without having received this highly specialised training, and patients and their parents leave after spending many months and large amounts of money with very little improvement (if any) and feeling hopelessly frustrated and angry.

Good luck on your journey. I hope you find the help you need.

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Aqtpetootie - posted on 08/10/2018

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My daughter is 6 years old. She hates all socks. She cries every time I brush her hair. She doesn’t like any clothing that shows her armpits. She will only wear soft clothes. She says everything is itchy. She wears 2 dresses and 1 black skirt all the time. She hates jiggings, jeans or shorts. She only likes leggings. Tags and seams must be just right. What makes matters worse is she is a diva...she loves fashion. So if it doesn’t look right to her or feels funny forget it....mornings are always rough even if we pick out our clothes the night before. She is labeled adhd and sensory processing. Medicine makes her anxiety much worse 😩 I hope it gets better

Kimberlee - posted on 05/19/2016

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Hi Holly, I'm happy to have found this post. I'm struggling now with my almost 4 year boy with exactly what you were/still are. Do you have any suggestions, ideas on what I can do???

Gemma - posted on 03/25/2015

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Like another poster, I'm not a mom, but I did have issues very similar to the ones described by the OP and others when I was little (I'm 30 now).
My mom told me that I had issues with socks as a baby. If she tried to put them on me I would cry and kick them off. There was a period from about age 5 to 15 when I couldn't stand tights, so whenever it was winter and I had to wear a skirt or dress I'd absolutely refuse to wear tights, which would make my mom embarrassed because I had bare legs in -20 Celsius weather. I couldn't stand the feel of certain materials, couldn't stand the feel of seams or tags. I wore t-shirts and shorts for as late into the year as possible because pants and sweaters were more uncomfortable. For a year or so when I was about 7, I wore the same pair of pants every single day because I couldn't stand any others. Then I outgrew them - I don't remember how that problem was resolved. I must have found another pair that I could stand.
Unfortunately for me, the issues never really went away - they just switched to different items of clothing. Even now, I sometimes have to stay home from work or important events because I can't stand the feel of some garment or other. I will get extremely stressed out if my skin feels the slightest bit dry - I carry hand cream and lip chap around with me constantly. If I forget it at home, I have to buy some just to get through the day. And I can only stand the feel of very specific brands and products within brands.
Whether I have a Sensory Processing Disorder, I don't know, but I definitely have OCD. I suddenly developed very severe OCD when I was 7 years old, which in retrospect psychiatrists thought may have been PANDAS. As an aside - what happens to PANDAS kids when they're older? How come you never hear anything about adults who had PANDAS, and still have it though they're not kids anymore? My psychiatrists also believed the sock issues I had as a baby were early signs that I was predisposed to develop OCD.
To the moms of kids with similar sensory issues, I'd give this advice:
- Don't get angry with your kid and suggest that s/he's being difficult on purpose or disobedient.
- If the symptoms start to get out of control, seriously consider taking your child to a psychiatrist. Because my mom didn't want to admit that anything could be wrong with her child (her words), she didn't take me to a psychiatrist till I was nearly 14. It was seven years of unbearable, tortuous anxiety - a wasted childhood - which I wouldn't necessarily have had to endure if she'd mentioned my symptoms to a doctor earlier. She didn't take me to a doctor until it got so bad that I spent about 7 hours a day just repeating things - 3 hours of stepping in and out of the shower, 2 hours of taking my pyjamas on and off, rewriting a letter on my homework so many times that it formed a giant hole in the paper, touching a doorknob and stepping through a doorway for an hour at a time - it was absolute hell. Around that time, she was making my anxiety even worse by telling me that if I didn't stop repeating stuff, she'd give me up for adoption.
- Let her wear what makes her able to function. Forcing her to wear stuff that she can't stand will just mean constant battles and neverending stress for her. She can't help it. On the other hand, if it develops to the point that she can't get to school because everything she owns feels unbearable, I'd call the doctor.
I don't think that just because a kid has these sensory issues as a child that s/he'll necessarily develop OCD later, but I think it could mean the child has tendencies along that line that could develop into something like OCD or a related disorder given a trigger such as a strep infection or a severely stressful event. I'd just monitor the situation, if I were the parent of such a kid.

Gemma - posted on 03/25/2015

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Like another poster, I'm not a mom, but I did have issues very similar to the ones described by the OP and others when I was little (I'm 30 now).

My mom told me that I had issues with socks as a baby. If she tried to put them on me I would cry and kick them off. There was a period from about age 5 to 15 when I couldn't stand tights, so whenever it was winter and I had to wear a skirt or dress I'd absolutely refuse to wear tights, which would make my mom embarrassed because I had bare legs in -20 Celsius weather. I couldn't stand the feel of certain materials, couldn't stand the feel of seams or tags. I wore t-shirts and shorts for as late into the year as possible because pants and sweaters were more uncomfortable. For a year or so when I was about 7, I wore the same pair of pants every single day because I couldn't stand any others. Then I outgrew them - I don't remember how that problem was resolved. I must have found another pair that I could stand.

Unfortunately for me, the issues never really went away - they just switched to different items of clothing. Even now, I sometimes have to stay home from work or important events because I can't stand the feel of some garment or other. I will get extremely stressed out if my skin feels the slightest bit dry - I carry hand cream and lip chap around with me constantly. If I forget it at home, I have to buy some just to get through the day. And I can only stand the feel of very specific brands and products within brands.

Whether I have a Sensory Processing Disorder, I don't know, but I definitely have OCD. I suddenly developed very severe OCD when I was 7 years old, which in retrospect psychiatrists thought may have been PANDAS. As an aside - what happens to PANDAS kids when they're older? How come you never hear anything about adults who had PANDAS, and still have it though they're not kids anymore? My psychiatrists also believed the sock issues I had as a baby were early signs that I was predisposed to develop OCD.

To the moms of kids with similar sensory issues, I'd give this advice:
- Don't get angry with your kid and suggest that s/he's being difficult on purpose or disobedient.

- If the symptoms start to get out of control, seriously consider taking your child to a psychiatrist. Because my mom didn't want to admit that anything could be wrong with her child (her words), she didn't take me to a psychiatrist till I was nearly 14. It was seven years of unbearable, tortuous anxiety - a wasted childhood - which I wouldn't necessarily have had to endure if she'd mentioned my symptoms to a doctor earlier. She didn't take me to a doctor until it got so bad that I spent about 7 hours a day just repeating things - 3 hours of stepping in and out of the shower, 2 hours of taking my pyjamas on and off, rewriting a letter on my homework so many times that it formed a giant hole in the paper, touching a doorknob and stepping through a doorway for an hour at a time - it was absolute hell. Around that time, she was making my anxiety even worse by telling me that if I didn't stop repeating stuff, she'd give me up for adoption.

- Let her wear what makes her able to function. Forcing her to wear stuff that she can't stand will just mean constant battles and neverending stress for her. She can't help it. On the other hand, if it develops to the point that she can't get to school because everything she owns feels unbearable, I'd call the doctor.

I don't think that just because a kid has these sensory issues as a child that s/he'll necessarily develop OCD later, but I think it could mean the child has tendencies along that line that could develop into something like OCD or a related disorder given a trigger such as a strep infection or a severely stressful event. I'd just monitor the situation, if I were the parent of such a kid.

Gemma - posted on 03/25/2015

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Like another poster, I'm not a mom, but I did have issues very similar to the ones described by the OP and others when I was little (I'm 30 now).

My mom told me that I had issues with socks as a baby. If she tried to put them on me I would cry and kick them off. There was a period from about age 5 to 15 when I couldn't stand tights, so whenever it was winter and I had to wear a skirt or dress I'd absolutely refuse to wear tights, which would make my mom embarrassed because I had bare legs in -20 Celsius weather. I couldn't stand the feel of certain materials, couldn't stand the feel of seams or tags. I wore t-shirts and shorts for as late into the year as possible because pants and sweaters were more uncomfortable. For a year or so when I was about 7, I wore the same pair of pants every single day because I couldn't stand any others. Then I outgrew them - I don't remember how that problem was resolved. I must have found another pair that I could stand.

Unfortunately for me, the issues never really went away - they just switched to different items of clothing. Even now, I sometimes have to stay home from work or important events because I can't stand the feel of some garment or other. I will get extremely stressed out if my skin feels the slightest bit dry - I carry hand cream and lip chap around with me constantly. If I forget it at home, I have to buy some just to get through the day. And I can only stand the feel of very specific brands and products within brands.

Whether I have a Sensory Processing Disorder, I don't know, but I definitely have OCD. I suddenly developed very severe OCD when I was 7 years old, which in retrospect psychiatrists thought may have been PANDAS. As an aside - what happens to PANDAS kids when they're older? How come you never hear anything about adults who had PANDAS, and still have it though they're not kids anymore? My psychiatrists also believed the sock issues I had as a baby were early signs that I was predisposed to develop OCD.

To the moms of kids with similar sensory issues, I'd give this advice:
- Don't get angry with your kid and suggest that s/he's being difficult on purpose or disobedient.

- If the symptoms start to get out of control, seriously consider taking your child to a psychiatrist. Because my mom didn't want to admit that anything could be wrong with her child (her words), she didn't take me to a psychiatrist till I was nearly 14. It was seven years of unbearable, tortuous anxiety - a wasted childhood - which I wouldn't necessarily have had to endure if she'd mentioned my symptoms to a doctor earlier. She didn't take me to a doctor until it got so bad that I spent about 7 hours a day just repeating things - 3 hours of stepping in and out of the shower, 2 hours of taking my pyjamas on and off, rewriting a letter on my homework so many times that it formed a giant hole in the paper, touching a doorknob and stepping through a doorway for an hour at a time - it was absolute hell. Around that time, she was making my anxiety even worse by telling me that if I didn't stop repeating stuff, she'd give me up for adoption.

- Let her wear what makes her able to function. Forcing her to wear stuff that she can't stand will just mean constant battles and neverending stress for her. She can't help it. On the other hand, if it develops to the point that she can't get to school because everything she owns feels unbearable, I'd call the doctor.

I don't think that just because a kid has these sensory issues as a child that s/he'll necessarily develop OCD later, but I think it could mean the child has tendencies along that line that could develop into something like OCD or a related disorder given a trigger such as a strep infection or a severely stressful event. I'd just monitor the situation, if I were the parent of such a kid.

User - posted on 03/16/2015

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My son is the same way !!! Just this morning we had another meltdown had to change his socks again and tie his shoes so tight it leaves marks on his foot and the belt so tight on his waist . I literally just googled this to see What is Wrong with my child!!!

Christine Edith - posted on 12/29/2014

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HI Holly
Iv'e just seen your post and can reasure you that wanting a tight waist will in no way harm your daughter. Yes the tightness will leave marks on her skin for hours after taking off the item. She is probably very proud of this as I was when growing up. My mother kept telling me I looked like a sack tied up in the middle. etc.etc. But I enjoyed the feeling of being hugged all day long and found it very comforting.

May be by now she has grown out of it. Or maybe she has taken it further and now wears belts, or even wants a waspie. Don't fret unduly, just support your daughter even if you dont like what she chooses to do, or wear. Every one of us are unique.
Christine

Chaya - posted on 12/02/2014

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to the OP, what did you finally do? i just came upon this post, and it's describing my son exactly, but in the opposite way. he's 6 and out of the blue he's having melt downs and crying over getting dressed - things are uncomfortable or too tight when the fit perfectly well! I'm at a loss. He's otherwise a well adjusted kid - no problems in school, socially etc and this just developed seemingly overnight!

Melissa - posted on 11/14/2014

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My daughter has a thing about leggings and socks. She has to wear the peds and the yoga pants or its nothing. Her recent thing is long sleeves. She has to wear extra soft shirts or forget that too. So it is a sensory issue. Oh boy this is going to be fun! Well if that is the issue we are going to have to work with her. Good luck everyone!

Noreen - posted on 07/30/2014

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There is a children's book out for this exact topic ! It's called "I'll Tell You Why… I Can't Wear Those Clothes !" It's short, simple and sweet - a great way to explain to family and friends but mostly useful because the child has a drawing journal on every page for them to customise it for their exact feelings. I posted a link in the post before.

Becky - posted on 04/27/2014

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I actually thought it was just us that had to deal with this, it is incredibly frustrating! She has eczema so I thought that might be why she was so strange about having clothes on but she does things up sooo tight it marks her skin, shoes especially is a massive issue. How did other people go about dealing with this in the right way???

Amanda Dawn - posted on 04/04/2014

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My 10 year old daughter is the same everything has to be lose fitting can take upto 20 mins yo put her sock on we are now seeing an ot for tactile defensivenes but my problem is that she is completely different at school they say it like they have a different child there is anyone else child like that at school

Liz - posted on 01/21/2014

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Oh my son is now 16 but trying to dress him as a kid was so hard. Everything has to be tight. Tags could not be anywhere near his skin. Socks and shoes were so hard. Socks would be so tight and he would cut bits out of them, he would never wear any shoes other then sandles. If any one know if this has a name I would love to know. Ta

Annette - posted on 12/04/2013

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Had to find some help, so glad to find this site. My 9 yr old daughter my youngest is so hard to deal with every morning with clothes. She refuses to wear tights. She insisted on wearing a sweater again today that wore yesterday. It took a good 30 minutes to convince her how cute it was.(yesterday) She has 3 or 4 cute tops she wore all the time last year, she wont even look at them. She says most of them are itchy. When it comes to waist adjustments she always puts them on the almost lowest setting possible. Finding some cute skinny jeans this year has solved that problem. This mornings woes was with her socks, huge whining about the boots she does love and was going to wear did not have zippers. Also a huge whining about how the skinny jeans were not skinny enough at her ankles. They gapped. She looked fine. It took everything I could do to get her to wear a winter coat this morning. (We were at 11 degrees this morning.) She said it made her look fat. I did order the 2 books suggested below. I am wits end, I do not know how much more I can deal with this.

Andrea - posted on 10/02/2013

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I dont know when you posted this problem you wrote above, but we have had the same issues with our 5 year old son. He is bright, kind hearted and mostly a well behaved kid. Every now and then he goes through a phase where his clothes have to be tight and anything and everything can be wrong with his clothes, socks, or shoes. Or all of the above, Laces not tight enough, sleeves too long, shirt to big, pants not tight enough, he too wants his pants or shorts so snug he cant pull them up or down. Then it will pass and he will wear most things still picky but not focusing on how they feel for the moment. I have done a lot of reading and research and found the comments here very helpful on sensory. I wanted to highly suggest a place called Brain Highways, look it up and read everything on there website and watch the videos and you can also go to there facebook page. I am taking my son this week to a free screening there as I think this is the bigger issue. Mid and pod brain not developed as a baby and cortex over worked and confused. It all makes so much sense and happens a lot especially if they missed the creeping stage before crawling or missed crawling or didn't do it long enough before walking, etc. I hope you are able to find some answers and get where you want to be. Thank you all for your comments it was very helpful.

Brenda - posted on 02/21/2013

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For those who are desperate...
A couple of generally calming things (sensory diet) my daughter's SI (Sensory Integration) OT suggested at times of sensory overload...

sitting in and (being surrounded by) a beanbag or lying in a hammock,
sitting/lying upside down on the couch (legs up against back-rest, head hanging off the seat),
sucking yoghurt/custard/extra-thick milkshake through a straw,
blowing bubbles with a straw into a glass/bowl/bath of water.
It also helped to rub her back very firmly,
give her a bear hug
or to squeeze her arms, starting at the shoulders, pulling/dragging down towards the hands while pushing the arms close to the body.
Any deep pressure, I suppose.

As much as these things helped, it really was the actual weekly therapy sessions that made the difference...exposing her to a variety of sensory stimuli in a controlled way, teaching her brain to accept it / become accustomed to it and to process it.

Lisa, I really feel for you (and all the other families who are struggling with these issues). How narrow-minded and unnecessarily (and inappropriately) judgmental to say it has anything to do with fetal alcohol syndrome - the most ridiculous thing I've heard! It always amazes me (having lived in Houston and Scandinavia as well) how differently health issues are approached in different countries. In Scandinavia, we had no idea why we were having the immense struggles and problems with my eldest that we were. It was only after moving back to SA 2 years ago that friends suggested that sensory integration issues might be the cause.

Personally, I think it's all driven by money...I think Scandinavia's approach to SI issues might be similar to Canada's - the reluctance to spend money on anything deemed "non-essential" in an effort to keep social healthcare costs to a minimum. In SA, the focus is entirely on how to make those with medical insurance spend as much money on healthcare as possible, so there's a huge quantity of unnecessary testing and procedures done in the most expensive (as opposed to the most cost-effective) way. So unfair that children should have to suffer because it seems impossible to have a balanced approach anywhere.

I am grateful that we ended up in the right place at the right time for this to be sorted out (it really was wreaking havoc on our family) and can only hope that there will be some fortuitous resolution for those of you struggling to get Sensory Processing Disorders acknowledged and treated. Thinking of you all!

Lisa - posted on 02/21/2013

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Thank you Brenda,
so much good information.
We ARE frustrated with the help out there in our part of the world. SPD is not recognized in Canada...so everything must be done privately. We've paid loads of professionals like to talk the talk but they don't do the walk; if you know what I mean. All the wasted money on professionals and in turn we have done all the research and work ourselves. This would never happen if it was a physical illness not a 'mental' illness. I'm convinced its because of the stigma. I had a Psychologist tell me most of these cases are linked to fetal alcohol syndrome. I don't drink, but I still felt as if I was to blame. There is a stigma. If my daughter was born without legs; would I be asked if I drank during my pregnancy? I definitely know I wouldn't be expected to research and build my daughters prostheics if she needed them. I can't believe Canada is so behind in mental illness awareness.

We hired an occupational therapist ( not CI Certified) that gave us a mediocre sensory diet to follow which sent us on the right track. After pin pointing my daughters needs we worked really hard at a sensory diet and yes many of my daughters struggles have improved. We have even gone so far as to put a trampoline in her room. One of her exercises is to listen to music while jumping and playing ball coordination games. Its all fun for her but its been a lot of research and understanding from us. I feel I have degree. We do these things wondering if its enough. We do these things with raised eyebrows from family and friends because we don't have a diagnoses.
I guess there is no quick fix; but it is has been our life and I'm a bit bitter about the lack of help and information. I'm bitter about the lack of sympathy and understanding. I am also bitter because of all the wasted time and the stress load our family has been carrying. My daughter could have had help at 4 years of age, when we started to see her differences; maybe we could have avoided some of the comorbidity and anxiety issues.
I just hope some Mom out there with the same struggles can find all the information posted in this conversation and will have help for their own child....at least a direction.

Rachel - posted on 02/19/2013

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Check out Carol Tuttle's the Child Whisperer. It has so much info on children with sensitivities

Lisa - posted on 02/08/2013

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Hi Julie, thanks so much for your post. I found your insights really helpful. I never know what to do when my daughter is having a clothing meltdown. I have learned over the years forcing her does NOT work. After reading about your experiences I now understand a little better why one day something is fine, and then the next it not. I also understand her power of choice is most important; and the time to take things off and try again later may be helpful. Thanks so much. Lisa

Lisa - posted on 02/05/2013

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Lindsey, thanks for your comments and you are so lucky these things worked for your child. When my daughter was younger and had very willful temper tantrums I stepped up my game and became very firm with her. I have video tapped my daughter as well and have shown it to her. I get advice all the time; have you tried making her clothes; offering choices; your not firm enough; you can't buy into her fears; your enabling her. On the advise of our first psychologist and parenting classes we were told to be firmer with her. We have had sticker charts, reward systems and a super firm schedule. All I can say it helped greatly with my five year old because his reasoning and thought process is regular. He has regular temper tantrums and can process reward and consequences properly. He is a model student and a very independent child. My daughter didn't and it didn't change much with this approach. There was something missing with her reasoning process and she was sent into flight or fight responses too quickly. Mentally something was missing. Its a mental illness; and its hard to understand until you have a child with it. The video tape of her having a tantrum just made her feel like a failure. She wasn't strong enough to handle it; and the embarrassment actually made her loath herself more sending her into a tail spin. Kids with anxiety need another basket of tools. Tools I didn't have because my parents didn't use them on me. From the outside it seems like normal kid quirky stuff and its confusing. I just don't want someone with an OCD child or an SPD child to think they can just be stricter; because pushing and forcing and then reasoning it after, is not going to fix these kids. Do we tell a child who needs glasses to try harder and focus better and you will see. No they need the glasses before they can understand they couldn't do it without the tool even though how hard they tried.

Lisa - posted on 02/05/2013

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Hi Chandy, Thank you for writing; its so great to hear from an adult's perspective. Its interesting that you want your clothes really tight. My daughter wants them a light as possible; not touching. The crouch has to hang down and not touch. No folds, No layers; which is the huge problem with winter clothes. And yes just like my daughter I think your experiencing OCD; especially since it increased during a stressful time. but, My question is? which came first? (almost like the chicken and the egg) did you always have clothing sensitivities? and then the stress of it exacerbated it into OCD. Or OCD was it there as a child; and it manifesting in the control of clothing. Knowing this would help treat the problem in the most effective way.
Regardless of SPD or OCD; I like the way our psychologist helped us visualize my daughters problem for us. She said most people are walking around with a purse of issues and worries on there shoulders; my daughter is hauling around a suitcase because of her sensitivities. As the suitcase gets packed heavier and heavier she starts to shut down and can't manage to carry even a little change purse. So when we see the suitcase start to get full, this is when we pull back. Like when I see stress from school like studying for tests or social stresses; we do less stimulating activities that week. No sleep overs; and no days of junk at the movies. Only Healthy relaxing activities that relieve stress. Walks and eating healthy greens and we break out the juicer. January and February are the hardest months; the lack of sun; cold and flu viruses; the school does the bulk of their new work; and on top of in all she has to manage through bundling up in heavy clothing. As she get older I'm hoping she will start to recognize the signs that her threshold is getting low and to be able to manage her stress before it gets to level of out of control.
I think Amber has good advice.....OCD like post traumatic stress; it doesn't make any sense when your in it; you can fully research OCD on the net but you still won't be able to reason it. Its not a reasonable experience; your brain has a little blip that it can't let go; the tools you need to help direct around it aren't working. The more you focus on the blip the more it will grow. I believe you need a psychologists to help guide you away from the repetitive thoughts. We have a childrens book called 'what to do when your Brain gets stuck' by Dawn Huebner. It has step by step exercises for kids to help them over come OCD. My daughter now can identify her repetitive thoughts and is making good strides to not let them win over her life. A great book for 10 and up. I don't think we could have read it with her when she was younger. I also don't think my daughter could have had the calm patience she has now, to try the exercises in the book before meds. This is a key step for healing. It just takes the edge off enough to allow change to happen.
Not sure if any of this helps. but I always have had the belief knowledge is power and talking to other helps build our knowledge, on a personal level.

Maria - posted on 02/04/2013

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My brother-in-law has this sensory disorder. He never wears any shirts with buttons. Ever. My MIL says it started when he was 2 yo, today he is 35 and he never wore a dress shirt in his life nor would he. Other than that, he is perfectly normal. It may not be as bad as you think.

Amber - posted on 02/04/2013

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Adults can have this just as easy as children. You sound like an OCD person though. Your constant tucking as you call it and like your tight cloths are a safety net while you are sleeping. I would make an appointment with a psychologist and see if they can help you they may not medicate you right away but be sure to tell them it is taking over our life. It may be a little expensive if you do not have insurance to get into one and medicaid requires a referral from a family doctor I believe, but those are not usually hard to get.

Chandys - posted on 02/04/2013

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Lisa, I am 29 years old, (female) and although this is all about peoples children having these OCD, SPD tactile issues, I am an adult with it. I have googled my problem soooo many times, never finding answers. I've talked to 4 different doctors about it over the past 5 years, that I've had this issue. Today, this is the 1st time I'm reading about others with my problem! Though it's about young children, I still feel less alone knowing I'm not crazy, & that others suffer with this annoying problem. I can say, that in 5 years, it has gotten worse. For me, I can usually wear pretty normal clothes during the day, though my jeans have to be tight & I fidget with my shirt & bra non stop until I usually panic. At night, it's AWEFUL! I'm losing sleep, & can't even sleep in bed with my boyfriend. I started wearing leggings to sleep in 5 yrs ago. Since, it's graduated to 2 pairs of tights, usually the same ones every night, but I have to wash & dry them on hot (daily) so they're extra tight. Yes, I layer my tights, & though it's hot, I cant sleep any other way. I wear long socks OVER the tights, the kind that go up to your knees. I also have 1 long sleeve shirt, that I sleep in every night, have to wash it daily as well so it's not stretched out. It's the perfect material, perfect fit. I have to sleep on my tummy, with my shirt pulled as tight as I can get it under my stomach, I also pull it tight up under my boobs, & armpits. If I feel wrinkles, I freak out & start over. I wake up every half hour or so to adjust & re-tighten bc as I move in my sleep things become loose. The past month I've been getting a new sensation (under my bottom) when I sleep like my leggings are loose, & I just can get my clothes tight enough. I'm going to buy some spanx today to try. I feel all these children's pain & annoyance, as this is so frustrating! The only thing I've been told, is that I was having anxiety issues. And that when my mother passed 5 years ago it triggerd some kind of cradling effect. But no, I think it's OCD, or this SPD you ladies talk about. I don't know how to get it through my Drs head that I need medication to help me with my, as I call it "tucking". It's taking over my life! I do notice it flares up when I become stressed, but it's still an ongoing nightly problem. I've tried sleeping meds to see if I could just sleep through it, but nope. It's like an annoying disease that won't go away :(. Have you ever heard of adults with this?

Lindsey - posted on 02/01/2013

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My youngest daughter is very particular about certain things. She would have the same type of meltdowns when she was younger. And Believe me it was very hard some days. She was so bad that when I was potty training her, she would poop in her underwear everyday just to piss me off. Of course it was just enough to have a small turd and it was always out in public. I would put her outside until she would stop. I am sure moms will think I am horrible but she couldn't work past it another way and you can't distract her. I think she has some OCD. She is a very strong will child. After she would stop I would talk to her cause she was calmer. Once we talked through it she was better. Try something that will help her. Maybe a psychologist. My daughter is older now and every once in awhile we still have issues but not like they used to be. I was very clear to her that her behavior is not acceptable. I even videotaped her and made her watch it. I just wanted her to see what she looked and sounded like to others. My kids are surprsed to see themselves that way but it really works.

Lisa - posted on 02/01/2013

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Hi Anna, wow, your the expert! Do you have three children with clothing sensitivities? Hugs to you for everything you do for your children. Your my hero....My daughters issues have taken a lot of wind out of my sail. I'm wondering if you've come across any meds for the clothing sensitivity thing. I know nothing will take it away, but does something reduce the stress associated with it. My daughter is on Strattera and this helps her go with the flow a little better. This is an ADHD med, not an anxiety med which I thought would be better for OCD. Things are improving slowly and she hasn't added anymore quirks to her routines since she's been on the Strattera so it may be the best fit. Her performance is school is really improving. Like I've said from day one; our biggest battle is the clothes. My heart breaks for her. She loves gymnastics; can't wear the outfit. Loves to swim; struggles with the bathing suit. Winter clothes cause panic. It's not a fun childhood. sincerely Lisa

Anna - posted on 01/31/2013

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Yes I hear you. My youngest was diagnosed with an SPD first and then the next year also was placed on autism scale with pdd nos. We're filling out additional paperwork for more specialized in-depth testing with a specialist that's well respected by the local schools.
My eldest loves to sleep in t-shirt and fuzzy jammie pants. For a long time both the boys preferred only undees on the weekends, the boys also Hate top sheets preferring only the blankets that were fuzzy and smooth. My husband wears shoes with no socks because he dislikes when the socks get bunched up around his toes. He's great with computers so no problem there. My youngest has a steady supply of one kind of pants with elastic and lots of well worn t-shirts. We buy a few at a time. I got a lot more comfortable with his choice after seeing an ad in a local parenting magazine about special spd clothes people could special order, they looked just the same as what my youngest already liked wearing, and for less money too. He loves transformers, so no tags/tags cut out washed several times to get the new feeling out of it.pants no tags, Socks, undees (no tags) and sneakers with velcro (lace trying is a skill that was just beyond him when he started kindergarden. His boots just slip on and off, and all winter weather gear is well washed and the same from year to year unless it falls apart (we have back ups of hats/ scarves/ knit gloves- my 14 year old lost stuff a bit when he was much younger). My clothes are all loose fitting (my daughter and I joke "dayvare, eveningvare")
Its hard to separate the giftedness traits of oversensitivity from the spd stuff, so we just try to work around what we need to. I'm 2-e (gifted with adhd inattentive, I take strattera - it seems to help me to focus and want to follow through).
You are doing really well, I'm sure your children, and their teachers enjoy someone who speaks their language. Good luck with all the schooling, your kids are fortunate to have someone who has taken time to see thing from their perspective.
Sincerely, Anna

Amber - posted on 01/31/2013

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Not really they have sent out a school outreach coordinator today. He says they are worried about other kids teasing her about wearing the same clothes all the time and gave me some pamphlets on hygiene. Hygiene is not something she needs to work on, she will not even poop anywhere but home because of her rigorous cleaning routine afterwards. I feel as long as they are clean and the child is clean what is the problem. I never thought kids were that judgmental at this age. My daughter says no one teases her about her clothes but they always ask why she wears pajama pants when she does; when we were in the city there was no question asked because a lot of kids would wear the fuzzy pants to school. I will graduate in July with my bachelors in psychology and a minor in early childhood development. I will be continuing the education with a masters afterwards for child disorders. I still think she has OCD because of the little tirks she has like the bathroom thing, but SPD is an option. They say Occupational therapy can help, but mainly for other symptoms of SPD not the clothing things. From the research I have done this has not caused a problem for most girl until it was time they must wear underwear at least once a month.

Lisa - posted on 01/31/2013

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Your daughter is the exactly like mine. All the same things. My daughter is almost ten and wears jammie pants and basic soft t-shirts. Bogs boots in the winter with no socks. Crocs in the summer. Sandals in class, and simple slide-on sneakers for gym. The school has been really flexible. No underwear, no socks. Her choices a have become narrower and narrower. I wash her clothes every night and she wears one outfit until it wears out and then its hell until we find a new outfit. When shopping she is excited and says she'll wear jeans, tops and different sport clothes; but they never get worn. ( I truly think she wants to but can't when the time comes) Wasted money and time. I believe it's OCD. By the end of the summer when my daughter is really relaxed...this is when we see more flexibility with her clothing choices. My daughter also has problems with seatbelts and bed covers. Adjusts over and over again stating that it has to be a certain way for her to feel safe.

Amber - posted on 01/31/2013

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My daughter is six and in kindergarten. Before the age of three I was able to put what I wanted on her and she dealt with it but was always pulling and tugging at it. By the time she was four she just wanted to be naked all of the time. I had her fully potty trained by the age of two and have always fought with her about underwear, which I have stopped fighting with her about as long as she wears clothes. Now the only pants i can get her to wear are the fuzzy pajama pants and tagless leggings; even then if the writing on the inside is too thick on the back of the pants she still complains. Simple t-shirts, no long sleeves or tags, no lace or thick seams, and no gathered material.

I have decided to pick my battles and she wears a lot of leggings in a few different colors. I can pick these up at a good price so I will buy a few pair in the colors that she likes. I make her try every pair on and tell me how it feels before we buy them. Old Navy t-shirts seem to work well but they have to be tried on to so we can be sure they fit just right too. When it is winter she wears boots because she does not want to wear socks, she will wear sneakers on most days only because she cannot wear flip flops to school. Picking out shoes is a pain and they must fit just right.

Like starting school was not enough stress on this two months into the year we moved to a country school from the city schools. Then the pickiness got worse. The teacher started calling me and telling me she thought my daughter had sensory disorder. I had never considered this, OCD runs in my family. I keep a large selection of clothes around for her and about once a week she will try to wear a pair of panties and socks for the evening so she does try. She even wants to try on jeans when we go to the store but can not find any that she feels comfortable in. Sometimes after she has had the clothes for a while and I have washed them a few times she will start wearing them.

Lisa - posted on 01/19/2013

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I've spent hours....days searching the net. Wondering why? OCD is not in our family and I wonder if there isn't an underlying health problem. My daughter first started showing signs of Tactile problems after being hospitalized at 3 1/2 for pneumonia with the route cause being a strep infection. After I have read this article I question everything. http://www.newsobserver.com/2011/10/04/1...
The damage is done. But this might be helpful for others.

Lisa - posted on 01/19/2013

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Hi Andrea, My daughter has the diagnosis of ADHD....but I don't think its correct. We are in Canada and the doctors here don't recognize Sensory processing disorder. Besides none of the ADHD profile fits with anything else. She only has a clothing problem. My daughter can focus well when she's comfortable and not preoccupied with how her clothing is bothering her. It's sad really. I'm of the belief its anxiety overall. I know this because it becomes worse during stressful moments in her life. I wish I had a magic bullet but we continue to struggle, some days worse than others.

Andrea - posted on 01/19/2013

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I hope I'm not too late for this conversation, but I'm having the EXACT same problem and I can't shake the thought that it's something physiological. It is getting in the way of regular activities, like during soccer practice she stops 20 times to retighten her shoes. When I ask her what the problem is, she says her heels are coming out of her shoes. Seatbelts have to be tight, pants can't be too long, belt has to be incredibly tight, and on and on. Since its been so long since this post, I'm hoping maybe you've got an update. Was there a diagnosis? Was there a reason your daughter was doing these behaviors? Is it because I am too controlling (which I honestly just thought I was being a disciplinarian... And not over the top). What do I do?

Lisa - posted on 01/09/2013

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Yes its true Julie, SPD usually comes with Autism. We have explored this with our daughter who is 9 (almost 10) has been tested twice. She is super social; makes eye contact and friends. She does a little bit of parallel playing but has grown out of it. She has some language delays and executive functioning issues but she is maturing. To the average person, most would say its all parenting and in our heads; including a pediatrician (who then sent us to a dermatologist) . On her school report cards she is reported as polite and helpful, average intellegence. Luckily the last psychologist really listened and spent quite a bit of time with our daughter. Recognized the tactile defensiveness and saw how debilitating it was. SPD is not a diagnosis in Canada; so here she would fall under the ADHD diagnosis. Crazy but true. At first they thought it was Asperger's because she is so high functioning and the sensory issues; but the social side didn't fit. What amazes me is that mental illness is not clear and easy, and the help is less clear. A bit of this a dab of that; each child is different. We do a sensory diet with our girl. Has it helped?, brushing calms her, heavy lifting has helped maybe a bit with balance, coordination, focus ; but not with the route clothing issues they have been unchanged. She can't tolerate heavy tight clothing its the opposite. For most, the weighted vest and deep presser helps but I wish it did for us. Honestly, the small bit of anti-anxiety meds have helped.....she is not in the fight or flight mode all the time anymore and she is a much much happier child. We held out on medicating our child forever. There is so many stereotypes with a medicated child; I thought I could be a better parent. I look back now and realize I did what I thought was best; but maybe prolonged her happiness and robbed her of a bit of selfesteem. My daughter didn't have OCD tendencies a year a go and now does. The worry and stress about the feeling of her clothes pushed her into doing rituals. Hopefully now with the medication and the behavior modification she can heal a little.
Holly, I know its real for your daughter and its nothing your doing or not doing. No amount of bad parenting could ever cause this. She is controlling the cuffs and bands because she is uncomfortable. It changes throughout the day and she readjusts; sound like OCD and probably is becoming OCD but the route is tactile defensiveness. Imagine she is in an alert state constantly because her nerve endings are firing constantly. Think about it....girls want to wear jeans, fit in, look pretty. My girl wears the same clothes everyday ( I wash every night) until they wear out and then its hell to find another stretchy pair of pants that feel just right or t-shirt that has no wrinkles under the arms. I don't know if any other parents have experienced this level of Tactile Defensiveness in their child? I've been though 10 years of this and still feel like I'm learning....and I'm wondering if its all a new frontier because when I searched on the net 7 years a go there were no other parents writing about experiences like this. Now I see so many. I glad my girl is older and she can explain it better but by no means has it gone away for her. If anyone reads this and has more experience please any information would be helpful to us parents and especially our children.

Julie - posted on 01/08/2013

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I am not an expert by any means, but it sounds as if your daughter may have some sort of SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder) where she needs extra pressure to help her feel secure. My youngest child has Autism (and I am NOT suggesting your daughter does), and he often has a great need for extreme pressure, like he will put our hands under his chin and press as hard as he can against them or needs to squeeze our arms or something. This is something that you should probably discuss with your daughter's doctor and see if there is some way to help her. I know there are weighted vests and even compression tops and pants that provide that extra pressure she may be needing. Good luck to you!

Lisa - posted on 01/07/2013

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I have a 10 year daughter that has similar issues. The issues didn't start until she was 3 1/2. mostly shoes, socks, underwear; but has progressed to bands around her waist. Wrist bands, ankle cuffs; seat belts. All the things have to do with control of tightness. We've been told she has SPD. (which there is really no help for except maybe an occupational therapist; still no a cure) and I believe it has progressed to a form of OCD. We've been doing OCD therapy with her. It is anxiety based I'm sure of it.....because when she feels really good she can push through and manage things. For example she struggles a lot with snowsuits. To many cuffs, wrinkles, layers; but she loves to ski. So she does all these rituals to get through the initial uncomfortable feeling. Rituals like straightening cuffs; eating to take her mind off things....the pulling of everything tight. We've timed it and it take about 10 minutes and she starts to forget about the feelings. When she is stressed or feels under the weather; the uncomfortable feelings take a whole lot longer to go away; and often can't get the clothing on to get out the door. Its debilitating. When she really wants to go skiing she will put up with it all to have the reward at the end. Sadly other things don't do it for her. She can't wear dance or gymnastic clothes. Often a bathing suit is difficult and the one she wears is like a wetsuit; nothing tight around her waist or groin area. I do believe she truly feels a stimulation of the nerves (sensitivity) that others don't feel. Her way of coping has been OCD activity. We've seen two different Psychologists; the first gave us parenting classes (ha); and the second diagnosed her as 'on the sensory processing continuum'.
I can't say we've had much help and its not much of a diagnosis; but we do know that a low dose of anti-anxiety meds has helped; just enough that her life isn't miserable. Life isn't easy for these kids. I truly believe it. I've learn that anger just makes everything harder and more difficult for her. Pushing through things does not make them better....time and patience is everything.
I feel for you and your daughter...I really do.

Tamar - posted on 10/17/2012

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I thought I was all alone! I am going absolutely crazy! You just perfectly described my youngest daughter. I am starting to believe she may have some sensory issue. I need to find a way to help her because we are all loosing our minds. Has anyone given you advice?

Another worried and frustrated parent,

Tamar

Anna - posted on 10/05/2010

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Vicki Morgan, Great and helpful post, I had forgotten about the giftedness possiblities. Its so easy to forget that aspect of it, because so much focus is on the other end. I was tested when I a kid, but nothing changed because my folks we're in agreement. So It shouldn't surprise me if my children have traits that are similarly difficult to pin down. Thanks for posting the links, really. :)

Megan - posted on 10/05/2010

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I agree with the folks saying OCD or sensory disorder. She may also already have some self esteem problems and think by wearing clothing thats really tight her body will be "better." I doubt it because of the way it started, but sometimes kids think really odd things. I would definitely go see a doctor about it (and I have to ask why you would see the nurse practitioner again after the first misdiagnosis?)

Patricia - posted on 10/05/2010

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I think she my have OCD..and that is quit Ok ..my daughter has it to ..she has to make sure the cups , plates and sliverware are not wet when she uses them or your hands cant be wet when you give her something..I would get so frustrated and mad but I had to think like her and now I have learned to deal with her OCD and it is apart of are everyday lives..It will get frustrating but this is something that they cant control..as a mother you have to ajust to her OCD..good luck and god bless

Vicki - posted on 10/05/2010

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This sounds like she may be a gifted/talented child and an overexciteable. This is a real thing. http://www.nagc.org/ this is the link for the national association for gifted children http://giftedkids.about.com/od/gifted101... this details some of the findings about overexciteables. There is a wealth of information out there and this is a REALLY misunderstood way of being. Many of these children are erroneously diagnosed as having ADD or ADHD. Dabrowski's Overexcitables is a good search. I am guessing that she probably has other gifted traits too...overly emotional, deep feelings regarding poverty and suffering, and excels in one or more areas...art, music, reading. Happy reading! (I hope I didn't spell anything wrong :) )

Kamise - posted on 09/29/2010

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It sounds like a control issue to me but I dont really know. Sometimes when kids feel out of control of one aspect of their lives it comes out in others. Has anything happened around the time it progressed? A move, did she start 1st grade in a different part of the school, problems at home, new sibling? For getting her diagnosed be careful with that, psycological disorders are VERY hard to decisively diagnose and she could be labeled with that for the rest of her life. And as for things like socks, I honestly believe some people have more sensitive skin then others. I still cant stand a seam positioned wrong, it hurts my feet :)

Andrea - posted on 09/28/2010

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I am a mother of 3 and my youngest daughter has had clothing issues since she could talk everything had to fit just right. I tended to her requests as much as I could. However as she started preschool I hated waking her up just because of the battle of getting her dressed. I started making her wear what I wanted to and she cried and hated it for about a week, but then I told her if she wore appropriate clothing I would start letting her pick her shirt out then pants then shoes herself if they didnt leave marks on her and within a month I had her getting dressed on her own and what she wanted to wear with my approval. It became a treat to get to wear what she wanted to wear and we were both happy with. Her Dr. told me that it may have been a control issue and issues of that nature at that age can turn in to OCD. She is now 8 and still is a little picky about clothes but she knows that if she complains too much I will make her wear what I pick out for her and of course she doesn't like that idea because I will make her dress very simple plain t-shirt and jeans and no accesories, so she tends to find clothing that fits her right and that she feels secure in. I realize that sending her to school crying and completely upset because of clothes sounds cruel but it was controlling our entire morning and nipping it in the butt was the best thing that I did for her. I am not sure if this advise will help you but it is just my personal experience with my daughter and wearing clothing way too tight. I wish you both the best!

Amanda - posted on 09/28/2010

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i would get her into a shrink or at least into a dr u trust i am a adult and i still cant wear socks and shoes only sandles i cants have anything tight around my ankles i also cant wear t-shirts only tanktops if i do find a shirt it has to have a very loose neck or i feel like im being strangled i have never had anything happen to my neck or ankles but its just things i cant stand every1 has there little quirks like i said try getting her into some1 you trust and also try talkin to her in her words/terms not while u are dressing her but later in the day about how its not good for her cloths to leave marks on her maybe show her pictures of rope burn thats about the closest thing to her cloths rubbing and tell her she is hurting herself not helping herself best of luck to you

Janelle - posted on 09/23/2010

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I agree with the sensory comment; I have two friends with kids that have sensory issues and it sounds similar to what they deal with.

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