i really need help, i have a 5 year old son about to be six and he is out of control. nothing works disciplinary wise and i have tried everything. does anyone else have any other suggestions on punishments other than hitting?

User - posted on 03/21/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )





I am a 28 year old mother of 2 kids 1 5 yr old boy and 3 yr old daughter.

my son is always doing BAD things at home and school, his father and I are separated and have been since he was born and I am married now to another man, my son was good for awhile then he started kindergarten and all of a sudden his teacher EVERYDAY always has something to say about what he has done that day, such as punching her in the face, or kicking her or other kids, he beat up an little girl in his class all because she doesn't have a hand. he spits and yells and doesn't listen. I don't get any help from his real dad with the punishments, he basically is a Disney land dad. always has to be the BUDDY!!! my husband and I have tried everything from timeouts, to sitting on his bed to spanking (lightly) yelling taking things away and we do reward and praise him when he is good we have tried reward charts,taking him to do things but it seems like the second we get there we starts with his attitude and starts being mean to his sister. he treats me like im just some peace of garbage on the ground. im at the point to where I just dont know what to do anymore, we have tried theropy for him and me and both of us together too and that made it worse. im trying to take full custody of my son at the moment he only goes to his dads on the weekends but we have noticed that when i do end up having him for 2 weeks in a row hes sooo good, the first week isnt the greatest but as the weeks go on he gets back into routine and by the time its time to go back to dads hes doing so awesome but then when he comes home its right back to the same stuff again!!! HELP??!!! does anyone have any suggestions as far as disiplin? i really need help please I am open minded to everything at this point as long as its not abusive.

thank u so much for ur time '

Lisa M. Smith



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Angel - posted on 03/22/2012




Stick to what you say no matter what. It may seem as though he will never give up or u are going to rip the hair from your head before he gives in ,but he will...my step son was the most difficult child I have ever known, his biological mother couldn't handle him, neither could his Dad ( my husband),grandparents etc...I happened to be home with a new born so I had him 24/7 ( his mom was...busy I suppose lol )anyways, I was so lost and like your situation he had influence from his " mom " occasionally , she let him do whatever he wanted and fed him candy all day. Her influence would undo every bit of any accomplishments I had made and I felt hopeless for a while . I just stuck to it though no matter what I stayed true to who I was and he is awesome now :) we do not spank btw I believe that only makes it worse. Violence causes more violence

Tracie - posted on 03/22/2012




That sounds like a child who is in a lot of pain to me. I think if you can get to the source of his pain (through counseling) you will be able to help him with his anger (which is just pain directed outward) and impulse control. Best of luck to you and your precious boy.

User - posted on 03/21/2012




i do appreciate ur advise and I will speak with his teacher tomorrow, i will also make a chart tonight and take u up on the hour chart, I have never thought of that and maybe that might get me on my way to helping him become better at behaving, as far as his dad i will try to sit and talk with him as I have tried in the past and he just doesnt care he says " joshua is 5 he'll get over it" and thats it, anytime I have tried telling him whats going on he either hangs up on me or walks away or even worse yells at me in fron t of both my son and daughter, i have a past with my ex he was very abusive and my husband doesnt want me alone with him so maybe i can try again with our mediator and if it doesnt work i will just have to do whats best for my son and handle it in court.

i do thank u so much for ur response and i will let u know if it works, thanks so much again for taking the time to reach out to me i will always remember that!


Louise - posted on 03/21/2012




I think he needs stability in his life and if going to his dads is making things worse then you need to sit down and talk to him and tell him about the problems you are having with your son. Get the teacher to write down her concerns and show him the letter and tell him he is like this because you are both disciplining him differently. Hopefully he will realise that he is doing more harm than good being a buddy and not a dad to his son. Work out what punishments you are going to use and both use the same method. If you get no joy at all from the father you can then use this in court as what you have tried to achieve with the help of the teacher but the father is uncompliant. The courts will frown on this as it is in the best interest of the child.

At 5 your son knows right from wrong and he has to realise that actions have consequences. If he lashes out put him in time out for 5 minutes and make sure he does the 5 minutes. Then get down to his level and tell him why he is there and that every time he does it he will have time out. Always end the conversation with a hug. He will soon learn that being mean or lashing out will only get him time out and nothing more and hopefully he will stop. You have to be firm with him. Do not smack him as all he is learning from this is smacking gets you the power over the other person. Set him a goal. Make a chart and for every hour of the day if he gets no time outs he gets a sticker. If he gets 8 stickers he gets a sweet or to watch one of his DVDS. You can not expect him to be good all the time, so if he does lash out just remind him he wont get his sticker for that hour what a shame and continue with the chart. Never remove stickers that he has earnt. Praise him every hour for being good and with any luck he will enjoy positive praise and respond appropriately. Good Luck!

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