My 10yr old hates his 5yr old brother.

[deleted account] ( 12 moms have responded )

He talks ugly to him. Constantly raises his voice with him. My 5yr old cries all the time, saying my brother hates me.


Karen - posted on 02/13/2010




Well I have no resolution to your problem, but if it makes u feel not so alone I'm going through the same thing now. My oldest son is 8 and my middle child (son) is 3 and my 8 yr old treats my 3 yr old terrible - yelling, hitting he's just outright nasty to him and it drives me crazy. I also have a 2 yr old daughter whom my 8 yr old treats like a princess, he takes his time to show her things plays w/her just treats her the way siblings should. When he comes home from school he says hello to everyone (including my daycare kids) but my 3 yr old. My mom says it's because my 3 yr old is a boy and he's jealous but it's very frustrating because my 3 yr old in return then becomes very mean w/my 8 yr old and they fight constantly all day everyday, I don't feel like I ever get a moment where they get along. I know this doesn't help ur issue but I know how u feel and if u find a solution I'd love to know. Hoping things get better for u~!~

Anne - posted on 01/09/2013




Just a quick extract from an article I just read that will make you feel a bit better:
"If the relationship with the parents is poor, siblings are likely to be allies: a certain amount of rivalry between siblings is a sign that parents are worth competing for"

here is the link for the article

[deleted account]

its hard to be a kid and even harder to share your life with another little person, I can remember living with people and starting to get annoyed with them but as adults we can recognize what is happening and fix the situation but most kids can not, I would say give him space from his brother like a few hours to him self in one way or another if he shares a room with him you need to get a little more creative but the more space daily and weekly the better. you can also help him recognize when he feels that frustration and help him to respond to the stress with better chosen words, it may never fully pass but as they get older there lives will send them in different directions.

Heather - posted on 02/12/2010




I doubt that he hates his brother, maybe he feels a little left out or doesnt get as much attention as he used too, or maybe not as much as he would like!!! I have a brother and we are 5years apart and when I was about 13 and he was 8 I couldnt stand him, it was just the age difference I didnt want to wake up on Saturday and watch cartoons like he did, I was above that and couldnt imagine doing something with my little brother like that!!! I got over it and now wish that I would have spent the time with him!! It could be just the age difference or something a little deeper, try talking to him and see what is really going on!! Good luck I hope it is something really simple!!!


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Ariana - posted on 11/24/2013




I used to complain all the time and my mom would just shut me down or walk away from it before I could finish.

"I HATE going to...." nope gone. She would just ignore it or say, I don't want to hear it, or I didn't ask you if you liked it.

I sounds mean but honestly people don't want to be around someone who complains.

Of course you can teach him what he is allowed to say, maybe if he feels a certain way about something he can say it nicer? Or explain that you can't just always say what you think, sometimes when you don't like something you say, well I really love this one thing... and don't say anything if you hate that birthday present gramma bought.

On one hand you don't want to automatically take sides with siblings because you might see 10 year old raising his voice but maybe 5 year old is sitting there kicking at him or doing some other annoying thing. How much of it is just simple sibling conflict? Are there certain situations where the 10 year old is bugging the 5 year old or vice versa?

But the 10 year old IS older and if he has a problem he has to come talk to you about it, not act disrespectfully to his brother. He should be held accountable. Once again though, try not to be picking sides to arguments that they can learn to work out between themselves, you may only be seeing one side of the situation by accident.

Also can you put them into a class together, like a karate class or trampoline class? or some other activity they can go to where they can be around each other without it being super competitive or just them sitting around arguing. Could you try to organize a board game night or cooking night where you can work together as a family (all that fun loving jazz). Of course if there is a lot of conflict it's better to do things really quickly and successfully with everyone happy rather than drag it out and have big pointless arguments when you should be having fun.

Like I said, try to figure out what they can work out together through some sort of conflict resolution, and what is turning into bullying behavior. See if you can get them doing something together that's fun and gets them out of their pattern of behavior.

Oh and another thing is if the 10 year old claims to hate him or being bugged you can tell him he should go do his own thing then, seperate them to their rooms if they're creating conflicts.

User - posted on 11/24/2013




My oldest hates everyone everything always has. he is very stubborn. he will hate no matter what. im def at my wits end with him. he treats me his brothers with GREAT disrespect. He was always such a sweet child... jealousy is not it. he is hateful towards everything. im tired of hear all the same okd senerios. he really is just a snobby mean kid. i ask him listen lets sit and talk why do you hate so much. he says either i dont know or i dont care or he just rolls his eyes and tries and walks away which really pisses me off. im about to say fine you wanna be lije that good luck with that attitude kid because youll be alone forever with that attitude. he doesnt hate everyone just his brothers and now me for disciplining him...he thinks he shoukd get away with rolling his eyes or walk heavy sighing and walking away he is very fresh and i dont know where its coming from iys really pissing me off where did this go wrog. he doesnt care if i punish him he will take any punishment with. a straight face. why??? he is brutally stubborn

Ateh - posted on 02/15/2010




Weii, we all face the same "problem" if the age differences are too far apart or too close! Our role are to educate them, especially the elder child. He/she must be told of their responsibilities towards his/her younger brother (that what I always tell my elder child and the younger child should not take for granted!). As parents we must be fair. Well, sometimes just without knowing, we tense to blame the older ones and sided the younger ones! They will be OK when they grow older.

To, Laura, not to be worry, she will gives you a great help because she's been waiting for a sbling for sometimes...and she must be eager to have her sister/brother. She will love her/him trust me. That's what my eldest son is doing... he takes care of his youngest brother very well because he wanted to have him for so long (he'll be 13 this year, and his brother will be 4).

Good Luck to all moms!

Laura - posted on 02/15/2010




Geez, y'all are starting to make me nervous! lol I have a daughter who will be 10 in July and am currently pregnant with a September baby...I do wonder sometimes how this will affect my daughter, but she has been asking for a sibling since she was 4. I was pregnant in '08, but lost that one, so here we are now. We have talked about it, and she does worry about me spending more time with the baby. I have told her that babies do require a LOT more attention, but that she can help me with things like feeding (when we get to solids), diaper changes (she scrunches up her nose and says no thx!!) and reading to and playing with the new baby. So I guess we will just see how things go...

Kim Lee - posted on 02/15/2010




I have the same problem with my 13 and 6 year old.
She constantly pushes hime or is downright nasty.
I think it has to do with us giving the little one so much attention.
I make sure that I spend one on one time with her and she'll be fine for a while but is soon back to her old habits. He, on the other hand, mirrors her behaviour and treats her the same way she treats him which she hates and this results in even more confrontation. Sometimes I get so tired I simply send them both to their rooms. Talking to them doesn't help because they each feel that we are taking the other ones side.It is so frustrating.

Kylie - posted on 02/13/2010




i have the same problem 10yr and 5yr old boys most of the time fight and talk nasty to each other.i have just started a triple p program (positive parenting program)this is my first week,and i hope that i can find stratergies to deal with our problems.parents go there to find stratergies to help within their own family..i know its hard,alot of us here know what your going through.its just a matter of not giving up and finding what works for your family.
ive been told by others mothers that triple p really works.and they dont just send you home to fend for your self,they follow up with calls to see what stratergies you have found to work and help if you need it.

Angel - posted on 02/13/2010




I think my 5 year old doesnt like her 3 month old sister. she is ALWAYS doing things to wake her up or make her cry

Christine - posted on 02/12/2010




My girls 5 & 11, same deal. Only the little one talks nasty right back. I don't think I model this behavior, but I find myself yelling just to get their attention when they're going at it. I know it's part jealousy esp. on older one's part, but mostly I think it's a bad habit. Any ideas on how to break the habit?

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