My daughter is 7 and she will not sleep in her room what can I do to help her sleep in her room

Sandra - posted on 12/30/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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she is an only child and she loves to sleep with me and I do too. she has a room and her own bed but she just won't sleep in them

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Natalie - posted on 01/03/2010

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I have 4 kids that all start out in thier own rooms and I can guarantee most nights or should I say mornings they are all in my room. Sometimes it is like walking through a maze of bodies and blankets. Note, only Americans push this independence on our children. My theory is that they do have rooms to go to if they wish to, they do have to start out sleeping in thier rooms at night but really what is the big deal. I see that my kids and I are closer because to me it is like saying this is the house we live in all rooms are open except this room and to a child it can sometimes say to them they are not welcome in our rooms. My kids are 12,11, will be 10 on the 22 of Jan and a 5 year old. If you can tell your child is well rounded else where and be honest about this then what is the big deal.

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my daughter was exactly the same.she is an only child and we always slept together.when she turned nearly 9 she started sleeping in her own bed but still every morning when she wakes up she still comes in to me and if she wakes up in the night she still comes into me. your daughter will eventually decide to use her own bedroom.i think they soon grow up and will not want to be as close so enjoy it while you can.

Sylvia - posted on 01/03/2010

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So ... do you want her or need her to sleep in her own bed? Or are you just being told by other people that it's "bad" for her to sleep with you?

I'm not being snarky -- that's a serious question. (I also have a 7-year-old who ends up in bed with us in the small hours most nights. We don't have a problem with it, unless she's actually keeping us up which she usually doesn't, but we tend not to tell people she still co-sleeps part-time because we get appalled looks, lectures, and stupid advice like "you just have to learn to lock your bedroom door at night!")

I look at it this way: I don't like to sleep alone, DH doesn't like to sleep alone, neither of us sleeps very well when the other's away ... so why should DD, who is little and kind of scared of the dark, be expected to sleep all by herself in another room when we get to sleep together?

If you genuinely do want her to start sleeping in her own room more, there are probably lots of things you can do to encourage that, starting with trying to figure out what (besides liking to sleep with you) is preventing her from wanting to do that (is she afraid of the dark? does her room get too cold at night? is she scared of creatures in the closet or monsters under the bed? does she hear noises at night that freak her out? is there a neighbour who plays loud music and wakes her up? does she have bad dreams? etc.). But if you don't mind it, which it sounds like maybe you don't, there's no reason she shouldn't sleep with you, really. She'll grow out of it :)

Rebecca - posted on 01/03/2010

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Our son would love to sleep with us but there is not enough room and to be honest I like time alone from the kids when I am sleeping.
He goes to sleep in his bed every night. Sometimes if he has a bad dream or feels he wants to be closer he comes into our room. We have a spare pillow by the bed and he brings his blanket. He feels closer and we still have our space.
Once is started to become a pattern and we explained if he was going to do this every night we would have to take the privelidge away. It seemed to work and he only comes in when he really needs to now.

Debbie - posted on 01/02/2010

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Are you a single mom? I only ask because my own father died when I was 9 and I started to sleep in my mother's room for comfort. I always shared a room with my mother so naturally I wanted to do the same with my children. The problem is I'm married and when my daughter was about 6 there just wasn't enough room. So we compromised, every saturday was considered "snuggle night" where she could "snuggle in my bed till she fell asleep", but this was only allowed if she slept in her bed all week.Maybe you could use sleeping in your bed as a reward. (now that I also have a son the whole family "camps out in the living room on Saturday night and we watch movies and sleep on air matresses.)

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The biggest hint for me is the 'I do too'. You have to know that you are ready to let go of this comfort; she will notice and take advantage of it if she notices that you hesitate even a little bit, for any reason!
Once you are ready, set up a bedtime routine, with reading, singing, snuggling, back rubs or whatever appeals to both of you. Then, say goodnight and go. At her age, she should understand that she is a big girl now and needs to stay in her own bed. If she protests, to back to her every 10 minutes, speak to her quietly and calmly, then say goodnight and leave before she falls asleep. Of course, the idea of making her bed 'her place' with a special blanket, lamp, etc, is a great idea.
My 6-year-old - and now even my 3-year-old! - are now allowed to read/look at picture books for a little while before turning off their lights and going to sleep, too. That's part of the routine, and it works great.

Kylie - posted on 12/31/2009

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is she scared to sleep alone? or is it just wanting company? I had the same problem with my daughter. I found making her room a fun place to be, letting her choose a pretty lamp, bedspread e.t.c. worked. hopefully thats helped alittle or at least given you a couple of ideas. good luck. kylie.

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Start a consistent bedtime routine and read to her after you tuck her in. We read chapter books to our son. At first it took a lot of reading to tire him out, but now it's just a couple of chapters and he's saying good night to us. Good luck!

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