My kids entering school and he's kind of... a brat

Ariana - posted on 09/03/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )




I got my soccer balls ready, it's a beautiful sunny day. I thought, wow, you know what, I need to get outside, we need to go to the park. This is going to be fun. How could it not?

So I call the child and say we're heading out, he's super excited. Yay park! Yay soccer!

We get there and it's going good, walked the whole way there no complaints, checking for cars. Lets kick the ball bud! Wow great job!

3 kicks in NOOOO. I AM NOT KICKING THIS ANYMORE. I am not playing soccer!!

It was nice while it lasted...

That's what I deal with. Walks onto the gravel? Like he has a 1000 times before, but today for some reason he SCREAMS there are rocks in his shoes.

Buddy, you don't need to scream, just say, there are rocks in my shoes.

He's already got the shoes off and is now playing. Oh there's a cute little boy, he's so adorable, my son loves him. He's the cutest baby in the whole world. He loves him, you're the best he tells the boy.

But the baby is trying to go up the slide and suddenly in the way and somebody at the park suddenly needs to go over and push past him, so I stop him and what happens? Screaming, I tell him to stop yelling, you can go to the other slide if you don't want to wait, you don't push babies if you start yelling again we're going to leave the park.

And then the baby touched his soccer ball (which he didn't even want to play with) and of course he SCREAMS and I say okay, here is your soccer ball, I'll let the boy play with mine.

Of course then the little boy doesn't want to play with MY soccer ball he wants to play with HIS soccer ball, so now BOTH children are crying.

Except one can't even speak and the other is about to start school in a few days.

So he climbed up with his ball tears in his eyes yelling THAT BOY IS STEALING.....*SNIFF*... STEALING MY BALL.

He even pushed the ball off the edge on purpose and then started screaming. So I told him if he kept screaming we're leaving. He stopped.

He came down and I told him, we're going to be leaving soon okay, we're going to the store to grab something and then we're going, but you can stay now we're leaving soon (see that? I planned that, I gave him warning so he could have time to process it. Yes, pre-planning that stuff up my friends).

Anyway that's my day, all the time, and sometimes it's not. But the more we go out and do, the more screaming happens. I had forgotten why I don't just get up and go to the park, I have to plan it out, I have to talk extensively about how you act when you go to the park, I had to make sure I have a certain time limit of how long we stay just in case, and some form of incentive to stop screaming so I don't have to force us to leave the park.

I count the 1 2 3's and try to tell him to stop but he doesn't. I don't want to leave the park,I try to distract, make things into a game, give him warnings, I try to do everything but I can't allow him to push to far or else he'll act exactly the same way. And I'll fix one problem from talking about it and some new and exciting issue will pop out from something else.

I'm constantly trying to find new ways to keep him calm, to plan out how to not have him freak out, looking at the different tactics I can try.

I say this because I'm a softie at heart, but I'm as patient and consistant as I can possibly be, and I don't even mind is the thing I just worry that it isn't enough.

It's like I want to go out and do things to make sure he's okay but every time I try to do something new, or involve him in things it's this weird planned out situation and everything has to go perfect or else there is some sort of yelling and screaming. It makes leaving him to play on his own easier, since I know every time I try to do things with him, even letting him decide what we do, just makes it difficult.

I guess this is really just me ranting about how stressed out I am by his behaviors sometimes, and I try to control him and I try not to make a big deal of it because I want to be positive and I want him to feel positive about himself, but it's difficult.

I worry for him going to school and how he's going to act and how his teachers are going to treat him, and other students.

He cries and is overly sensitive with just a few kids, how is he going to act around a whole group? I want him to be good and get along and be nice to other kids. I've been trying to train him but it's so difficult when he manages to push every button and do every behavior. I seem to manage to find ways to get him to stop but it just moves over into something new.

One week he's hitting, the next he never hits but he's making weird roaring noises at kids, and he stops that and then he gets mad at other kids for touching stuff that isn't his, and you deal with that then he starts....

I mean you'd think once you dealt with one situation it would transfer over to other things but it's like nope, totally new subject that has to be specifically explained.

And he's so smart and so nice most of the time too. But it's like sweet little darling listening to everything, being awesome, then you go to the park where he should be happier and it's like a total meltdown.

It's just frustrating.


[deleted account]

Well, the very first mistake you made was letting him stay in the park after he screamed the first time. I know YOU wanted to stay at the park, but he had a lesson that needed to be learned, and the best way to teach it is to make him go home if he cannot act appropriately. Once home, once the tantrum has subsided, you can talk to him about his actions and the consequences they caused. Ask him questions, don't give him answers. Ask him if he knows why you had to leave the park early.
Ask him why he was upset.
Ask him what he can do differently in the future so that you can stay at the park.
It is frustrating to leave 5 minutes in, but you only have to do it a handful of times before he gets the idea.

Second, unfortunately, once you deal with one situation, it does NOT transfer over to other things. Every new subject and situation has to be completely explained. They do not have the cognitive skills that adults do to transfer information like that. They will develop it over time, but until they are 8 or 9, sometimes even teens, you will have to go over everything.

Another thing that you might want to consider (and I only thought of this because you mentioned he was great at home, but melts down at the park) is that he is out of his comfort zone and thus more stressed and thus more likely to meltdown. Try to take him out somewhere every single day. If he screams, take him straight home, but the goal is to try to build his comfort levels outside of the house.

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