My son is being called a bully what can I do?

Jennifer Lynn - posted on 02/22/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My son and I live in Utah . My son just transferred to a school right after Thanksgiving break due to a move to a new city. My son is bi-racial as I am white and his dad is African American. My son came home about two weeks ago and told me a 4th grade teacher (not his teacher) pulled him out of class because a kid is scared of him. Then I found out the principal had called him into his office saying this kid won't come to school because of my son. Then two days ago I went to a parent teacher conference and his teacher told me about what had happened but she did not believe my son had done anything wrong. What happened as I am being told is my son was playing basketball at recess and bumped into the kid who was also playing- they are both in 4th grade and in different classes. Apparently the kid wouldn't come to school for 3 days after the incident and when the mom forced him to come to school he grabbed hold of her leg crying at the school. . So yesterday the principal called my son into his office told him if the mother calls again they are going to suspend my son and try to expel him from school. The principal has never contacted me or his dad to see what the solution to the problem is and he has not gotten the boys together with a mediator. My son won't even play sports with boys now- he plays four square with the girls because he is afraid. I also found out today from his teacher that the school has contacted his last school to see if he had problems there. His old school school said they all loved him and there were no problems. I don't know what to do about it. My son was bullied at his last school he is not a bully. Yes I did take him off of Adderol so he has gained weight and supposedly that is what the problem is because he is bigger then the other kid. What can I do??

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Cass - posted on 03/11/2013

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Thanks for sharing this. My son is big for his age also. So every thing his does, that a smaller child also is doing to him, my son is considered the bully. Every move he makes is watched. He has been called names, and he has been provoked by smaller kids. I tell him it does not matter how they act- its up to him NOT to react. But do I also see him being bullied BECAUSE of his size- yes I do. And I really don't know how to handle it. I spoke to his teacher about this at our parent teacher conference. I assured her we would work on this. But after I got home I thought of questions I had so I could deal and adress the issues. I wrote her a note asking for examples of my sons behavior- considered bulling. here is what she wrote back.

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Cass - posted on 03/11/2013

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He targets students and figures out what bothers them and then PROVOKES them. It may be as simple as making a face, touching their stuff, or making a noise??????? I mean this seems pretty much like normal behavior for most 8 yr olds Some times she says its name calling but in a calculating intimidating way, like calling the childs name over n over till the child becomes provoked. This after I had already reported to her about another child that had been going nananan over n over to my son. She says she see two sides to Josh the kind, well mannered, friendly , caring Josh then the "INTIMIDATING" CALCULATING, Josh. My son has been provoked by name calling from others, because of his size. I went to pick him up from school one day , as they were coming out of class josh stepped on a childs foot by accident, he right away turned and said he was sorry. A little girl ran right up to me and said, Josh stepped on Avery foot, I said I saw that yes, but he did not mean to and said he was sorry and she said no Josh did it on purpose. Is this the message his teacher is sending to the smaller kids? Are the others being taught the same as I teach Josh , not to be mean just because they are provoked? I question that!. The picture I am getting and I could be wrong is that its ok to provoke Josh , he is bigger in size then you. He may be bigger in size , but he still sleeps with his fav teddy at nite and cries at sad movies.

Amanda - posted on 03/04/2013

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I hate when the really bully gets away with it. First do you have a small tape recorder? If so let your son take it to school. Put it in his pocket, and leave it on. He will catch what the kids are saying and if he is called in to the office he has it all on there. Also I would talk to your son about being at the school as often as you can. Park your butt there every day if you have too. There are way to many bullies in the world, I know cause my 5 year old son is dealing with a 5 year old bully, girl too, and nothing has happened, she even pushed him so hard his hip dislocated and nobody helped him. He came home limping and started to cry when he saw me. It did pop back on its own two nights later but it bothers him all the time. She also grabs him by the back of his head and slams it into his knees, and nothing has been done, I haven't even gotten a call about it, I know because I coach one of his lunch time helpers. Teacher and principals think their hands are tied. They worry about someone pulling the well we will sue you, step. You just have to keep at them and if they do nothing talk to the police to see what your options are. The label of bully can fallow you around and it may push him over the edge one day. Hang in there.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/26/2013

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Keep parking at the office. They are handling the situation inappropriately by not informing you of what is happening.

Make sure that you have a condition attached to his file that no disciplinary interaction from school staff can occur until you are present at the school. Make sure that the principal understands that you expect full and total disclosure of everything that happens.

That being said (and I hate to say this part) you're non LDS in a strong LDS area, and that can be problematical. Not on your side, you're not the one with the problem concerning religion. But, LDS (staunch LDS, that is) can be very exclusive. The other side of that coin is if you befriend just one member of the Church, you're "in" with the rest. And LDS can be the most supportive, wonderful people in the world once you're "in".

My hubby's entire family is LDS...except for us. And boy do we catch shit for it at times. Everything from "you married into the Church, so you are by default now an LDS member"...not!!! To: "We've just had one of the cousins baptized for you and your sons so that you will have a place in heaven"...which really bugged me at first, but hubby told me to not be too bothered...we'll still have whichever place we had to begin with.

To me, it sounds like the other kid is probably the "bully", but he's got his parents so snowed into thinking that he's the perfect angel, and obviously any problem will stem from the other party. So, when you're parked in the office, make sure you mention to the principal that you would like a parent meeting arranged between yourself, the principal, and the other parent to straighten things out. Keep after it. Racial discrimination is illegal, whether Utah wants to recognize that fact. You would have a case if you could document the incidents of racial name calling, for sure. And, again, whether Utah wants to acknowledge it or not, religious freedom is also a constitutional right, and persecution from one set of churchgoers towards those of different views needs to stop.

but you don't back down until your son gets some justice here. Good luck!

Jennifer Lynn - posted on 02/23/2013

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Well I marched myself down to the school yesterday, and of course the principal was not in So I said I will wait and parked myself in the chair. The secretary said oh he wont be here at all today but you can talk to this other person who is in charge when he is gone. So I tell her what is going on she said I will look into it and call you back. So around 2 in the afternoon she called me and told me she poke with the principal who said he never told Ty he would be suspended but told him the things that can happen if your bully. She then said I was never contacted because they didn't think it was a big deal. And my son must have been confused cause noone has contacted his school. I said I understand what your saying but his teacher told me the office had contacted his school not my son. I really think they are just trying to cover up for what has been going on he has been in the principal's office multiple times and was told he is not allowed to talk or go near the boy or he will be in trouble. So I told my son if you are called to the office you tell the principal or your teacher you have to call someone to come to the school while they talk to you so this nonsense will stop. There are kids who have called him the N word, wont play with him because he is not LDS. And he doesn't go tell on them he doesn't like people to get in trouble.

Momfortreyntaylor - posted on 02/22/2013

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Dang,, is the mother if this "little victim" the mayor of the town or what???

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