My son throws tantrums and sometimes won't stop doing something until physically removed

Ariana - posted on 11/24/2013 ( no moms have responded yet )




Generally it happens in a public place, or at least I feel I don't know how to handle it in a public place.

Like lately the streetcar has been a real problem, sometimes I have to take him for long rides, not incredibly long but still. So I have to bring stickers or other random things with me to try and get him to sit still for that long, hope that I get on a bus with enough space to sit us both.

He invades peoples space on the bus, will flop around sometimes, will touch the window of the street car either with his hands, or lately a major problem is with his mouth.

I have taken away tv from home or treats at home before because he would not listen on the car. Sometimes this seemed to help because the next time he'd say I've been really good I get to watch tv, and has been okay. But he still will just ignore me sometimes, and then when I DO take it away he just yells I'm hurting his feelings so I can't tell whether it's working or not.

Especially things like licking or putting his face to the window, how do I stop him? I try to pull him down from it and he starts pulling and yelling, I warned him one day that we would switch seats away from the window if he didn't stop.

Then people are looking at me and I'm totally losing control of him. So do I stop him or do I let him continue? How do I stop him? The tv thing, warning him he'll lose it doesn't always work.

One day he started trying to hit me and I had to physically restrain him. At home I would have put him in his room and have him calmed down way before that. That onlyhappened once but when I got off I had him sit down and I told him that was totally inappropriate behavior and made him apologize and think about what he did and gave him a time out and no tv because he can't go off hitting me just because he knows I'm trapped in public. So at least that hasn't happened again, but it freaks me out to know I have to deal with that. And usually it's impossible for me to NOT take him, it's not like oh I want to go buy some milk, it's like I have to bring him to this spot, or I have to go get this done and I just can't not do it and I can't not bring him.

So yeah, and waiting at the stop, he'll bang into stuff, or once again put his mouth against the window, which is gross. I try to explain my reasoning as well, so he'll understand, but he's four so he only gets half of it, and sometimes he gets it but ignores me so I HAVE to stop him. It's embarrassing. I feel embarrassed taking him out in public sometimes. Or having people over, or anything. It's frustrating.

Plus I'm tired a lot, and I try to do fun stuff with him but he gets sick going outside a lot, and he has trouble with school already so I try to get him to work on just one thing a day with me and I read him stories and things.

But then it's like the weekend and he's sick from being out all week, and I'm exhausted and I'm like, let's take a nap. Or I try to go do some fun thing but we're both tired, or it makes him more sick. Like I took him out to this little free outside fair thing but it was cold and I would have been better staying in. But it's like,I don't want to never do anything fun with him either.

So it's lose lose. Go out and do something fun but then have to deal with a sickly, already grumpy child, or stay in and have a semi-sick tired okay ish child who's bored to death of your face since the weekend 'cause he's uninterested.

Sorry this is turning into a rant... but I just don't know what to do sometimes, and I moved recently and now his teacher wants me to go into an interview with him to 'help him transition'. Whatever that means...

Anyway I'm exhausted and would really like some help figuring out how to deal with the tantrums, especially the ones in public. I mean should I ever raise my voice? It's like what's to far? Is humming loudly or moving about to much, can I just let him streek his hands against the window? if not what do I do in the moment to get him to stop?

I try to stay calm, to explain why, I've warned him, I've brought things to distract, I've told him we had to switch seats and made him, but then he kicks off and everybody stares at me. So is that to far? Should I do that?

I don't know what exactly to expect of him, or far to go in the situation. Like when he hit me I had to physically hold his hands down and tell him to stop and I told him he couldn't just do that and then I gave him consequences as soon as we got home, but I felt like I let him get away with far to much due to me being embarrassed. I tried not to hold onto him and he continued to jump on me and then eventually started hitting me.

Honestly at home he would have jumped on me a few times and if I said stop and he didn't he would have been removed to another room until he calmed down. I don't like physically restraining him. It feels really aggressive. But also when he was little he continued to hit me until I warned him, if you hit me I'm going to hit you back, and I had to do it like twice and then he never hit me again until recently. But that's because it escalated and he's old enough to know that he can tell on me if I wack him. Which I don't want to anyway, I just don't want to have some four year old wacking me. Which like I said he hasn't done again until just recently but I don't want this to become a pattern of some sort.

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