sudden school problems with our 1st grader

Trevi - posted on 02/13/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )




Our six year old son, in first grade, no longer wants to go to school. For months now he's dragged his feet so he is so late he misses morning recess. My husband's theory, now, is that he's doing it on purpose to avoid the playground. After Winter break our son admitted he's having problems with a girl in his class being really mean to him. We also had another baby while he was on Winter Break and we pulled his little sister out of preschool. He has started having negative behavioral issues at school also. We met with his teacher last Wed, but since then his wanting to avoid school had progressed and he hasn't tried any of our recommendations to make his school day better. He's now bawling and holding me at drop off, begging to stay home or have me come into his classroom. Last Thurs he had a bathroom accident and I had to bring him home. I've gone to eat lunch with him, we had a date weekend and I kept him home a few Mondays ago to go to the zoo. It seems like the more I do with him, the more he wants me to do and it crushed when I can't. He loved kinder and the first part of 1st grade. We're desprate to get our happy, loves school boy back. Any suggestions and advise will be very appreciated.


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Deidre - posted on 02/16/2012




Can I ask why you guys pulled your preschooler out of school?

It sounds to me he is acting very NORMAL. It is our natural course when a new sibling has entered our home. He is for sure desperate for his mommy's attention, especially now her time is split between 3 kids AND a husband? He is certain everybody is having a BLAST without HIM! I wouldn't expect anything less. Of course the little girl on the playground did play a part, but I think it got to be deeper than that.

Has he completely gone off the grid in school? I mean is he refusing to do ANYTHING there? It matters because if that is the case, then maybe you can look into Home Schooling him for awhile? At some point all your kids will be able to be separated and be going to school. This way no one is being left out (so to speak). I'm just really trying to look outside of the box for ya :)

Barbilee - posted on 02/15/2012




Hi Trevi, wow, that is difficult. As a retired school teacher I saw this often...and not just in the 1st grade, i had a student in the 5th grade who started to hate school, really hate it.

You have to decide as a mom what is best for you and your son. When you met with the teacher, what did she recommend? Did your son tell her about the problem with one of the other students? What is she going to do to help keep his excitement in school, that is her job by the way, not yours. Of course the more you do with him, the more he wants to stay home, it's fun and loving and no stress when he is with you.

A couple of suggestions: (call it bribery if you will...I call it incentives)

Sit down and make a list of what he wants to do with you then set "actions steps" to get there.

EX: he wants to stay home for a morning: perfect, after 5 straight days of not being late, he gets to stay home the next day.

Perhaps he wants to go to the zoo, perfect, after 10 straight days of being on time, he gets to go to the zoo.

You choose the length of "compliance" for each "treat".

Trevi, just like when mommy and daddy go to work they must perform certain tasks to get their payday. Set him up for that kind of success and it should dissolve the anxiety.

I'd love to know how it goes.


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