whens to soon after a divorce to have a new baby?

User - posted on 08/29/2012 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My soon to be ex~husband left me november 2011 and shortly after I met the man I am with today and he's amazing and I waited for him to meet my son Zachary. I have always wanted a second child and he wants his second (his first passed away a week after he was born 10 yrs ago). My divorce will be finalized after 9~5~2012. I have the maraina and I really have been considering getting it removed.. my son is getting screened for adhd between that and my divorce I don't know what the appropriate time after to wait to expend my family.....please help ladies

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Toni - posted on 08/30/2012

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Speaking strictly from a legal standpoint, do not remove your Mirena until AFTER your divorce is finalized. There may be a delay due to court scheduling or something else, and the very last thing you need right now is to wind up pregnant before your divorce is done. In most states, any pregnancy which occurs before or during a divorce is considered to be a child of the marriage, and it can set your divorce proceedings back to day one.

Depending upon how much you want to play with fate, that might be a good reason to wait...



Secondarily, your son needs time to adjust emotionally to the changes he's already been going through before you throw another major life change at him. Stress is a very big cause of depression and acting out in children, and you don't want to add to it right now if you're already having him tested for a behavior disorder. (Also, if the professional who does the testing doesn't get a family history, please let them know what's going on in your life now, as it can affect the results)

Di - posted on 08/29/2012

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If you have to ask then maybe its not the right time. Personally I would wait until things settled down. Good luck with whatever you decide.

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User - posted on 09/04/2012

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The final judgement will be filed tomorrow I don't plan on havin a baby until I know for sure its finalized. My son is three and doesn't see neither his father or my soon to be ex husband. My bf lives with me and loves my son and helps as if he was his own. My son told him the other day he loves him and my bf did the same.

Ashley - posted on 09/03/2012

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I went through a similar situation but for us there was no question that wer would wait until after the divorce was finalized. My ex and I separated in july 2010 and I started dating my current husband a couple months later. We were both going through the same things with our spouses cheating and both of us were apostates from them. Both of our divorces were finalized in december 2011. I had a daughter and my husband didn't have any children. We have known each other for 3.years prior to dating. Wer got married april 2012. Wer took my/our (as he considers get his own as her dad isn't around much) daughter to counseling top make sure she had adjusted to the divorce ok before getting marrie. We discovered she felt her real dad not being around was normal and had developed a much closer relationship to my husband. Once we knew she was ok we decided to have a baby as she was already 7 and we didn't want too much more of an age gap. We got married in april and found or soon after that we were pregnant. I think once you have dealt with the pain of the divorce and your current child is well adjusd the time frame doesn't matter. But the existing child must be adjusted first. Good luck and wish you the best. And take tonis advice when it comes to making sure the divorce really is finalized. My divorce took an extra 3 mo due to delays with the courts. You can never be too careful. Getting pregnant during a divorce can cause a lot of trouble including a delay in the divorce until paternity is determined which can put you through hell. I had a friend go through that. The pregnancy was unplanned and definitely delayed her divorce. Her ex used that against her when trying to get custody of their children too. Good luck with your sons testing and how things work out the best for all of you.

Tracie - posted on 08/30/2012

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Take your time. Get your divorce finalized, take care of whatever your son needs and IF you and your new guy make it work long-term and are willing to make a commitment to each other, THEN think about having another child. Best of luck to you!!

Jessica - posted on 08/29/2012

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I think that if my ex wasn't the bio dad, I don't think that I would have gone through the divorce remorse. So you might be ok on that end. I think my issue was after it was all said and done, I started feeling guilty that maybe I hadn't tried hard enough to make things work for the kids sake. I realize now how much happier I am without him, but it's still that constant seeing him every week that reminds me that I'm no longer in that "Leave it Beaver" style family and that my kids wont have mom and dad together.

User - posted on 08/29/2012

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I hope that I don't have the divorce remorse because of what my ex husband did....not only that he isn't my sons bio dad...I also didn't want to start that journey of new baby until after my divorce is final....next week

Jessica - posted on 08/29/2012

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I would definitely wait until the divorce is over. I know from personal experience that shortly after my divorce was finalized (it was in March) that I started to go through "divorce remorse". While I am happy in my new relationship, and we are considering having children together and getting married in the future, I haven't completely healed from my divorce. I am completely in love with my current guy, but was recently confused and hurting from the "what could have been" scenario with my ex-husband. I had a horrible relationship with my ex, so I was not expecting to have any of those old feelings to emerge. We were together for 7 years, and had two children together.



I separated from my ex-husband in August 2011, and started dating Justin shortly after. He doesn't have any children and treats mine as his own.

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