hOW DO YOU DEFINE CHEATING ?

Charlie - posted on 11/10/2010 ( 46 moms have responded )

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Is it sex straight up ?
Oral sex ?
Emotional involvment ?
Or is it as simple as a kiss that you deem cheating and why ?

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Emma - posted on 08/15/2011

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cheating is saying or doing anything with someone you wold not do with your SO standing next to you

Kathi - posted on 09/16/2013

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For me, cheating is the involvement of a person outside of my relationship whom I've never met, who is the text messages at the other end, who gets money, gifts, intimacy and time from my man. He is lying, hiding, grooming another, and clearly robbing the relationship of standards and values not to mention cheating me out of choices. Until I find out, anyway. He has to steal time from us to make time for her cheating and robbing from the relationship. Kissing, texting, sexting, emails,giving her money, cards, etc. you don't have to penetrate to cheat. Just the fact that your mate is breaking promises and vows and hiding is cheating, no grey area. Period.

J - posted on 12/15/2013

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You don't have to have sex to cheat. Once you find the person deleting text messages so the other won't see...the person is basically almost there.

I define cheating as PURSUING someone. Being interested in them to a level where someone is actually making it a point to talk, flirt, and hangout with them. Especially all that is in secret.
If someone truly loves the person they are with, there will be absaloutely NO desire to hurt that person, or do/say anything that come across as such.

Helena - posted on 08/21/2013

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It is cheating!!!! You can get std from oral sex even oral cancer (It was in this weeks paper) Emotional Involvement is a affair read NOT JUST FRIENDS by Shirley P Glass. Phd A kiss is cheating.

Jme - posted on 08/20/2012

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All of the above..lose of ones time that should b devoted to urn partner or spouse. Cheating u outa time emotions conversation n pleasure(even of ones company) together is being there for only urn one..not just any one.

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Nancy - posted on 02/25/2014

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Cheating is anything you would not do in front of your spouse. It would be something that you desperately do not want your other half knowing because of embarrassment or shame. They know it would jeopardize your relationship so they cover it up in whichever way they can.

Kim - posted on 01/04/2014

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I'd get her number and call her. Be sincere and compassionate.she may not know he's merried. He's likely lying to her 2......she will be likely hurt as well..u 2 might be able to confront him together. .... Hey why not. What's ur is mine right honey!!! Lol. If she's cheating with ur husband-- she's cheeting with u as well..

Kim - posted on 01/04/2014

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I agree. I think u shouldn't enter a marriage until u know every move they make. How they work.what makes the tick. .u do not get merried bc u love them n work out the priblems. If u have pproblems now. Why get merried!!!!

Kim - posted on 01/04/2014

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I believe in emotional cheating (affair of the heart) as well as sexual infidelity.

Emotional affair is one where u are not filly emotionally Invested in your partner. Wanting to be with another man just for coffee or time becaise u "like them" and flirt and are sweet to them. . even though u didnt touch* them. Your heart and mind are invested in another person. You know of u told tour partner u have a deep feeling for another person they would be crushed. And would not condone such meetings or behavior.

Obviously sexually cheating would be sex. Oral.anal whatever.kissing. even being alone in a room 10 feet apart naked is cheating to me...

If u know u do t belong there if it would hurt u if done 2 u..if u have to lie. It's cheeting.

Jules - posted on 12/31/2013

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When you are acting in contradiction with established relationship norms, and without your spouse's consent. Now your spouse may be controlling and therefore his requests, dictation, or expectations would be unreasonable, or crazy, or whatever. That is a reason for counseling, or all the way to divorce. But that doesn't change the marriage covenant. Don't like the rules, get out, but it doesn't excuse cheating.

Angela - posted on 07/12/2013

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My husband has being texting this girl for sometime. I know he has but he is in denial .I just want the truth.

Donna - posted on 06/15/2013

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this really a ambiguous question. cheating is defined differently in each and every marriage. in our marriage, cheating is hiding sexual acts with or feelings for another person from the spouse. we have an open marriage so simply having sex with another person is not cheating. it becomes cheating when you conceal the act from your spouse for what ever reason you think you needed to do so. i have had awesome sex with quite a few men since i have been married, but i have never cheated. i have told my husband every time i had sex with another. he trusts me completely and i trust him the same. i am not afraid to tell him anything. that is what works for us.

Kenny - posted on 01/22/2013

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if you cant or would not do it infront of your partner then its cheating..
some people have there own rules. mine are if your with me then all of you is with me ,dont cross the line and I exspect that and demand that, I allso give to my partner the same respect.. if you want to touch or kiss someone that is not your partner then he or she should know ahead of time if thay, there partner would be ok with it, like i said people have there own rules.. who are we to judge. Emontional oral straight sex etc is cheating...

Cecilia Marie - posted on 07/21/2012

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all are cheating becaues there doing it with someone else and not there parter

Suse - posted on 07/14/2012

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Cheating is not communicating or consulting with your partner. Simple.
That can range from going topless on a beach to having sex outside the marriage to falling in love. Different lines in the sand for everyone.
I have been in love with a number of people in my life and if I communicate where my emotions are to my husband he smiles and kisses me.
Suse xxx

Meredith - posted on 06/22/2012

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It up to the individual couple to decide what is technically cheating.. I have had lots of diffrent friends with a variety of relationship types but one think always stands out. No matter what the diffrent types of relationships they are cheating is when the heart is given.

Bobbi - posted on 12/15/2011

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I wouldn't consider a kiss as really cheating, however any sexual contact is cheating. I pretty much agree with everyone else emotional attachment is thre worst

User - posted on 12/14/2011

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Once in a relationship doing any of the above or getting involved with anyone else is cheating.

Ashley - posted on 08/31/2011

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I agree that it is ALL cheating, but I would be hurt most bby emotional involvement whether there was sex involved or not.

Alexandra - posted on 08/25/2011

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anything that you feel you cannot do wtout your "significant other" being fully aware of... is cheating!

Heather - posted on 08/24/2011

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it starts with emotional. I have been there and the emotional part is the hardest to get over. Sex is sex no matter who you do it but that is all it is. My husband talk with this person for months about everything they spoke on the phone and they worked together. It has been over 4 yrs and it still lingers there that he would talk to her and not me.

Tammy - posted on 08/24/2011

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Even before the kiss and before the sex; the minute he takes her hand and holds it like he has yours, it's cheating!

Emma - posted on 08/17/2011

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Sex is definitely cheating - Emotional involvement would hurt more for me I think, knowing that he could love someone else would just tear me apart. He has cheated on me in the past, when our son was only a few months old. The only reason I forgave him is because I feel he was at a time in his life where he was scared and didn't really know what to do with himself. It was our first child so his whole life changed. If he ever did it again I'd cut his balls off.

Laura - posted on 07/19/2011

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Sex with another person besides your current partner is considered cheating, oral sex is considered cheating, having a emotional connection with someone else is considered cheating the worst kind of cheating though is " The Kiss" when you kiss someone on the lips is so much different that having sex anyone can have sex but to me when you kiss someone thats the most intimate thing a person can do besides have sex. Its a horrible feeling to be cheated on your heart literally drops into your stomach and you feel so betrayed and hurt and the next person you do meet your always gonna wonder will they cheat on you like the last one did so really when you think about it that one guy or girl who has cheated on you ruined it for the next one because its hard to get back that trust again.

Sal - posted on 03/26/2011

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when the act (what ever it is) makes your partner feel you cheated, and every couple will be different, and if you think you have to sneak to do something as to not upset your partner (even as small as go and have a coffee with an ex or a work mate) then you are cheating in your own mind...

Sal - posted on 03/26/2011

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when the act (what ever it is) makes your partner feel you cheated, and every couple will be different, and if you think you have to sneak to do something as to not upset your partner (even as small as go and have a coffee with an ex or a work mate) then you are cheating in your own mind...

[deleted account]

I still dont know to answer this one- i have never had a partner that didnt cheat so I guess my definitions have got broader over time. I feel you cant help who you fall in love with- BUT if you are already in a relationship and you fall in love with another you owe it to your partner to be honest about it immediately. Physical involvement in any capacity, for me, is 'cheating' though and I am old and wise enough now to know I would NEVER forgive it again, regardless of the circumstances.

Emma - posted on 11/30/2010

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Im with you Heidi.
Once its happed its over ! !
Once trust is gone it can not be rebuilt in my view at least.

Heidi - posted on 11/22/2010

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cheating is cheating...whether the actual act of intercourse has happened, a kiss, oral sex, or even a sexual relationship via internet. ITs all cheating in my eyes.

Donna - posted on 11/20/2010

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Louise, I decided to stay with him because I do love him and so far, so good...but only time will tell. Time does heal the heart and soul.

Ashley - posted on 11/16/2010

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I have had my husband cheat on me, it was acctually before we got married, but we have been together for 6 months. We had known each other for 11 yrs. The thing was we had a fight so he went to spend the night with his friend. His friend's g/f was with them. Come to find out 2 wks before our son was born. When his friend left for work the next morning from all of them drinking, his friend's g/f turned over and started sucking my b/f dick. Of course, he didn't stop her, supposely he was still drunk. They ended up having sex. Yes, it hurt me to find out that he cheated, but the main part that really really hurt me was tht he didn't tell me for 4 months. According to him he was never going to tell me, but I just happened to walk in the room while he was on the phone with his friend, who he was trying to get to come down for when our son was born, and they were fighting so he just happened to tell his friend he fucked his g/f. He was drunk then too. It took me many many yrs to forgive him, and still at times I still remember it.

Ashley - posted on 11/16/2010

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I consider cheat as sex, oral sex, and emotional involvment. The person u r with is suppose to be emotionally involved with u, if they r not then it is hard to make love to someone who is physically there but not emotionally. Oral Sex is still sex, and that's why it's called oral sex.

Donna - posted on 11/14/2010

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This is a tough one...I found myself in that predicament..Emotional cheating is the worst...any kind is devastating. No matter what, you'll never look at your mate the same way...always wondering..Distrusting him/her. I don't wish it on anyone...I am very lonely, love him but not sure if it's worth it anymore.

Charlie - posted on 11/12/2010

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I think for me emotional involvment would take the cake if sex were involved i honestly do not think i could trust him again to continue a relationship but personally emotional involvment without sex would be far worse than a random kiss of an unknown .

Rosie - posted on 11/12/2010

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pretty much the same as jocelyn. i would be upset with all of these situations, but it would feel a millions times worse if there was any emotional attachment.

Jackie - posted on 11/12/2010

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I Totally agree with Emma on this one. It would be easier for me to deal with a one night stand than if he had an emotional attachment with another woman. ( I just recently went through something like this and posted it on the Welcome Page). Although, I thing it may be vise versa for men. it would be easier to handle a relationship with another man vs. his woman going out a screwing someone. Men are from woman are from Venus, I guess.

Ultimately though, all of the above!

[deleted account]

I think cheating begins in the mind. I also think that human beings are a flawed species. We were not "meant" for fidelity. So cheating for us (because we were also given the best brains) can take on many forms. It all depends on what you are willing to accept. For me, it means not fucking another woman, not kissing or touching (inapropriately) another woman, and not shoving dollar bills into her G-String. That's me though. I've known other couples with looser restrictions who have been successful so....define it for yourself :)

Stifler's - posted on 11/11/2010

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emotional involvement is the worst kind of cheating. but it's all cheating, going out and kissing other people and having sex/oral sex with them is cheating.

Jocelyn - posted on 11/11/2010

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Cheating is definitely sex (any type of sex).
It is 10 times worse if there is an emotional attachment. It would be easier for me to deal with if it was a one night stand with a random chick while he was drunk, vs sleeping with a good friend who he's know for 5 years kinda thing.
A kiss I would let slide, if he didn't initiate it and he stopped it.

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