are you finding it hard to find a decent guy

Lisle - posted on 01/10/2009 ( 52 moms have responded )

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don't know about you but with me being a single mum i find it real hard to find a decent guy.

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Amanda - posted on 06/26/2010

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The guys I have found think that having a baby is a game. They just want to party and want me to leave my baby with a babysitter all the time. When they realize that I won't go out partying and leave my baby boy with someone they take off. What happened to all the good guys?

Wendy - posted on 06/12/2010

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the men i meet and am interested in whom i deem nice and that i could build a life with...... to them im a friend a good friend .....great!
am currently preg with a boy . the dad no im not telling him he was nice enough then we had a whole 30 sec in bed and he ran from the flat after 7 min on a lie, he had to go cos it was snowing badly where he lived. so contacted family tellin them to be careful cos of the snow to be told what snow???? so i told him never to contact me again. me and the baby we made that night will be fine i have a great support from my family for my daughter me and in sept my son.
after 4 yrs of looking for someone i give up really. i dont wanna be a friend or a one night stand i want more it just does not seem that men do with me so single life for me. x

Veronica - posted on 04/20/2010

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Me too! If any of you figure out that golden formula, please let the rest of us know!!!

Alison - posted on 02/21/2010

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It is hard find a decent guy when you are single mom. Either they guy a jerk or there isn't your type.

Shelby - posted on 02/18/2010

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omg, the good guys are certainly few and far between! even the few good guys i know (my friends' hubbies) say that most men are total jerks. add to that my general wariness of lying users (gotta thank my daughter's dad for that!) and, yeah, i'm not too optimistic i'll find anything worthwhile. been dating a guy for 3 months now but he flat out said we're not in a "relationship"...(?!??!?) so i guess i'll just try and have fun with him while it lasts! lol. and then i just plan on being single indefinitely. i'm pretty much resigned to the fact that there are no 'knights in shining armor' and 'happily ever after' is some twisted form of imaginative torture. (i refuse to read that kind of stuff to my daughter!)

Wendy - posted on 02/10/2010

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given up on finding decent guy and decided to go have another baby before i hit 40 as i dont want any after 40 for my own reasons, with what i have met in the last 5 yrs id rather be single thanks very much and have completly given up on that dream and decided to go for my next one. i wanted at least 2 children actually if i had found someone in my 20s id of wanted 5 lol but have settled for two with no man. the men who like me leave me cold and the ones i liked decided to go for someone who drank/took drugs or was too young for them, whats wrong with me i ask i am normal dont drink or do drugs sleep around or lie and cheat but no obv i am just not bad enough and unfortunatly when i have tried to be i have hated myself after so not worth it. nope im gonna be me and be with my two kids end of and if when im old and grey and someone decent comes along who knows ?

Eryn - posted on 02/06/2010

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i think for me, i don't want to "waste time" dating losers or guys who don't appreciate me and my daughter. I have this childish dream that a man is going to find me, sweep me off my feet and be exactly what I need. I don't want to "go through" a bunch of guys, nor have my daughter have to be part of that. I don't need them coming and going. I don't want to wreck my kid by dating all kinds of men...

Francesca - posted on 12/20/2009

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I totally agree, iv been a single mummy for over 3years now nd im fed up of bein on my own

Shancy - posted on 12/01/2009

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i had the same situation as tiffany.. but this wasn't because we li9ve different lives.. he said that i was too lazy.. meanwhile i did everything in the house and went to work or school ... go figure.. my daughter took it hard on me and him breaking up.. now she's 10 and she has a lot of male issues where she wants a dad in her life.. whats a woman to do..

there are good men out there there just inhideing or gettin screwed over by sum dum broad. i know a few good men.. but they all go to these woman that r .. i'm sorry to say but messed in the head and needy.

I stand my ground and a lot of men get intimidated cuz of the fact a woman can handle them selves...

Christella - posted on 11/24/2009

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it's hard to find some one now a days. for some reason they all have relationship issues or something. there are some good ones out there but they must be hiding some where.

Alexanderia - posted on 07/23/2009

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am finding it extremely hard it's like am more blind now to these nymrods than i was with my baby daddy.but i know there are a few good ones i just wish they can cross my path

Crystal - posted on 07/22/2009

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Ay Dios Mio!!!! OMG!!! I thought it was something wrong with me, almost all of my friends are married and (supposely) happpily. I have been single now for 8 yrs. I've had plenty of men friends that we have tried being more than... but never has worked for whatever reason. I can't blame it all on them, there has been some that I have gotten cold feet with and broke it off with. But now I look back and see that the love was not sufficent to keep it going. I am still seeking that "MR. PERFECT" not only for me to be my husband, but to be the daddy, father figure that my children need in their life. He's out there somewhere????>>....... meanwhile having some fun with all the wrong ones...hahahaah........

[deleted account]

it's not that i can't find a decent guy, well actually yes it is, i thought my ex-common law husband and the father of my child was the best thing in the world and he was for 4 out of the 5 years and then i have no clue what happened, now i feel like after that nightmare that's kind of still very, very, very fresh...i'll never find any body else, i'll never have true love again and really and honestly am scared of having another child with another man and it being just stereotypical because it's not so many good mothers our out there whop found love i just don't think i'll find a diffrent guy

Robin - posted on 07/20/2009

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I'm finding the guys I date or have dated in the past seem to want a commitment, just not with me.. lol. I have seen at least 4 of the men I've dated over the last 6 years have gotten married to the girl the dated right after we had broken up... Whats up with that???

Jennifer - posted on 07/20/2009

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I am a single mom of three....toddlers and it feels like its impossible to find a decent guy its a full time job ontop of having to take care of my kids and work at my real job. All I have found so far are guys who dont want a realtionship blah blah blah you know what that is code for. It can be very discouraging.

Ashley - posted on 07/19/2009

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>>>> i certainly agree & onli bieng 19 aswell its hard but my lil girl is 17months and the best thig tat has ever happened to me and excuse my language i just wish er dad were involved and were on such a p**** ! lol (sorrii) xx

Amanda - posted on 07/18/2009

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Ladies, there is light at the end of the tunnel. My mother WAS a single mother with 5 children aged from 24 through to 5 years old. In november(9 days after my girl was born) She married her soulmate. He took on those of us kids still living at home, has become good friends with the two children(myself and my oldest youger sister) that don't live at home. He treats us all like we are really his children, he considers my daughter to really be his grnddaughter, AND, whenever us kids need him, he is THERE. He treats my mother with the respect she deserves, and she treats him the same. They are truly happy.

Now, here's the bit that will make you all FLIP. My mother's husband is 22 YEARS OLD!!!

There ARE men out there that will take your children in their stride! There ARE men out there who will love you, stretch marks and all! It just may take time. It is said that when you stop looking for love, it falls in your lap. I recently stopped looking (I am a single mother, too) and I have a nice man who is dating me, who is great with my daughter! I don't know if it will go any further than dating, but I am just letting things go the way they will.

Hang in there girls, there are knights in shining armour out there, just let HIM find YOU!

[deleted account]

There are decent men out there--there have to be! But obviously, as a mother, you want a different kind of guy than the ones you might have settled for beforehand. It's easy to find a guy you might want to marry and someday have kids with, but if you have your precious angel before you find Mr. Right, you're going to view picking out a Daddy pretty differently!



For me, being a single mom when I met my boyfriend actually made it easier for me to know if he was a good guy or not. My daughter was only six months old, and he would rush to make her bottles, offer to watch her so I could nap, and basically rose to the challenges of having a kid. We don't live together, and we're not engaged (yet) but his actions around and towards my little girl let me know what kind of guy he is. I had briefly dated someone before him who wanted to carry her around and stuff, but would let me change all the diapers. That guy was just "playing house" and his interest eventually faded once he realised how much work being a parent really is.



Take the opportunity to look on the bright side--you'll know right away if a guy is a good guy when you see his level of involvement with your child (or children.) If he regularly asks for you to get a babysitter so he can have "you time" then he just doesn't get that you and your child are a package deal, and being a parent is a full time gig. If he's willing to get invested in their lives and doesn't mind being flexible, then you're probably looking at someone with long-term potential.



As a mom, you get to be up-front about your expectations in a way a single girl usually doesn't. Let a new guy know right away about your kid(s), and what you want from him as a partner. Don't settle for someone who seems uneasy. The good ones won't be scared off.

Sarah - posted on 07/14/2009

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I dont think its being a single mum...I honestly think in general its hard to find someone that mets our criteria and our needs and wants... Oh and personality....Dont get so down because the guys thats arnt decent can sence it they sniff it out and then in years or months u might be stuck in situation u wish u and child/ren were never in and u can never erase hurt or inner bruises....Just be happy within urself and u wil find someone that fits all those things u just have to relax and stop ;looking!!!!!!!!!! P.S Really is there any decent men out there?????

Carla - posted on 07/14/2009

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Quoting Teresa:



I know lots of great guys.... they're all married to my friends. :)






I really don't have an interest in any other guys right now though.  Providing a secure, stable environment for my kids is pretty much my only priority.  Other than taking care of myself, of course.  Don't need a guy for that though.





 

[deleted account]

I think it is near next to impossible to fnd a great guy, but i really wonder if it is just because we are single mothers... I kind of think that society as a whole has let men get away with way too much anymore, so what if they are lying, cheating, dewomanizing jerks- we blame it on being a guy.... I know lots of single friends without kids who are having the same problems.... Either way it is insanely frustrating!

Mary - posted on 07/09/2009

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I got divorced 3 years ago. My ex-husband and I had 1 son together. He's now 5. During the divorce I let a friend stay with me because he was in between apartments. We ended up in a relationship and last August we had a son together. Now 3 years later he and I are splitting up. Now I'm 25, a full time student with 2 kids from 2 differnt dads (both of which are difficult people to deal with) and I'm thinking "What guy is ever going to want all this drama?" Besides all that, I've been out of the dating game so long I don't even remember how to flirt! It's so discouraging.

Jane - posted on 07/01/2009

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So.. I don't know if I'm the only one with this problem..but it goes along with the wearing your heart on your sleeve.. but when I start seeing a guy I pretty much set myself up for failure. I envision all of the things he can be, and (I'm a sucker for a smooth talker) and then he never lives up to what I had him set up to be in my head.. or what he was telling me. AKA his actions were not matching his words. And I know I do it every d*nm time.. I had kids really young, and my parents had a horrible relationship, so I guess I never learned how to "date" etc .... how do you learn?

Erin - posted on 06/05/2009

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I just got dumped by a single dad because "He's not ready". Will they ever be ready? If a single dad doesn't understand, then who will?

Connie - posted on 06/01/2009

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Chrisna..I think it's perfectly normal to feel as you do! I feel the same as you. I don't want the heartache again either so I choose to stay single. Yes, it does get lonely sometimes, but I have my kids to look out for too. I don't want men coming in and out of my life for them to witness this. Their father leads a very unstable life, jumping from one relationship to another and this is not the way I choose to live. I'm sure there are decent men out there, but the ones I keep running into are all con-artists, narcissists, liars, cheaters, abusers, etc. True love seems to be a very rare thing these days. If my relationship cannot have trust, respect, closeness and true love in it, then I choose to be alone. I will not settle for less! Maybe todays society sees that as abnormal but I see it as being very normal! Noone has to settle for less than they deserve!!!

Ann - posted on 04/21/2009

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Maybe we want that fairy tale to happen, I know that there is someone out there for everyone I truly believe that. On the other hand I'm not getting any younger

Nadia - posted on 04/21/2009

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hi, yes i WAS looking for that someone, but now i just don't give a hoot ( i was thinking of another word ) anywhos ive been with my kids dad for 14-15 years off and on and i have kicked his ass out for the fact he cannot control his anger and verbal abuse blah blah, what im trying to say is, i just want to go out with an adult have a good time (without the bed sheets) and come home. my friend did this and she has met a guy that they have been dated for bout 5 months now and because she had enough of looking and decided to go out with her next door neighbour for a drink at the pub and found someone. with all the luck she gets it. hahahaha!! there's heaps of jerks out there and im tired of their attitudes towards single mums, maybe some think its a way to get 'some' but i think it's pathetic how guys think that.

Chrisna - posted on 04/20/2009

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I am a single mother of a 2 year old girl. Never married. The father is still very much part of our lifes, but not in a romatic way. Both of us just wanted to have a child and thougtht about it for 2 years, before actually deciding to do something about it. I got pregnant on our first attempt. (It was the first and last time that we had sex).

I don't want a man in my life as my heart was broken 10 years ago and it still is difficult for me to thank about him as just some guy . . .

A person get used to being single, and at this stage it is just what I want. I don't want to go through the pain of a brocen heart again, EVER!

Is this normal?

Ann - posted on 03/05/2009

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I'm with you, then when you do think you have one all these issues arise of there past, that's behind us can't bring it, I've had a really rough year, I think that I'm going crazy

[deleted account]

I know lots of great guys.... they're all married to my friends. :)



I really don't have an interest in any other guys right now though.  Providing a secure, stable environment for my kids is pretty much my only priority.  Other than taking care of myself, of course.  Don't need a guy for that though.

Kayla - posted on 02/22/2009

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You all sound just like me.  My sons dad and i split up shortly before he was born.  I've dated a guy or two since then but nothing serious.  I don't want to bring anyone into my sons life and have them walk away.  I too put my heart out there and it seems to get me nowhere.  It is so frustrating.

Jessica - posted on 02/10/2009

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charlene,you are welcome for the talks i actually think that our talks help me also..i too don't want to be lonely but i don't  want to wear  my hear on my sleeve with this guy either...baby steps i keep telling myself..lol

Lorna - posted on 02/10/2009

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hi so do i.im a single mum 2 5 children and its hard on my own ive been on my own now 8 years and it can get lonely sometimes but the kids keep me going.i just havnt found a guy ive given up.it happens so easily for some people.ive just been concentrating on bringing my kids up there my ist priority.but i do miss the cuddles and having a laugh with someone having someone to shre your life with.hopefully oneday my knight in shinning armour will come and whisk me of my feet lol!

Charlene - posted on 02/10/2009

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it is so horrible being so lonely, guys justy dont understand it!!! i have no1 for me, my sons always there but i want some1 for me, foe me to give passionate hugs and cuddles. good luck with your new man, some day i hope i find happiness like u have with your guy. i think i will have to settle for anyone now, as my lifes going past so quickyly, asnd my poor son has never experienced a dad, or what it feels like to have one! its so sad for him, he loves playin footie, but coz im a girl i aint gotta clue, except just kick the ball and score a goal. thank you jessica for talking to me, thanx so much, it helps so much!

Jessica - posted on 02/09/2009

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charlene,yeah i wanted to get married before iwas 30 i was engaged but the wedding never happen that's a good thing he is prision now and i have met someone new..thank god that wedding never took place...he was not physically abusive more mentally(not the father of my son)and now going on 33 in august if i get married i do if not i will be ok but i want to be with someone and not by myself.

Charlene - posted on 02/09/2009

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thank you jessica! why do us women do that eh? nuts!!! plus what with valentines day coming up, all i can think about is the times with my sons dad, he died a yr and a half ago, but he left us 4 years ago, i miss him, although he was a violent bully to me, he was and is the only love of my life, i have never met anyone to replace that in anyway, im desperate for a new relationship, as ive spent 4 years on my own, but all the guys i date etc have been twats in the past, i wanna get married before im 30 too!! thats only 3 years away nearly!!! fat chance! gotta find "the 1" !!! i feel my life is passing by so much

Jessica - posted on 02/08/2009

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 charlene,   i totally agree with you if you do like someone who want to see them as much as you can or meet in the middle anyways...before i met this guy i had lets just say a friends with benefits he always wanted me to go to see him and it was a three hr drive to the middle and maybe another hour and a half to his place..so when i met this new guy who lives 15 mins away i was weary but he seems like a decent guy..i too kinda wear my heart on my sleeve(how do we fix that lol)and i know what you are going through..

Charlene - posted on 02/08/2009

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thanks jessica, i have just met a guy, who he seems to be real nice, but then again they all seem like that dont they, i like this guy, but i just dont know if he likes me that much, i tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, i hate it!!plus he lives an hr away and we have had 1 date and he said coz he cant afford to come down here often he will see me nxt month!!! well i dont know about u but frm my point of view i dont like that, as i think if u like some1 u want to see them lots at the start

Jessica - posted on 02/08/2009

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That's what  I was finding too Charlene until i Finally met this guy...sometimes guys head games  are too much...

Charlene - posted on 02/08/2009

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I find it real hard to find a decent guy, ive been single mom for just over 4 years now, and all the guys i meet and date dont wanna settle down at all,they just want their fun, and coz they dont get it frm me, i never hear frm them again. its soooo lonely being single mom, no-one to talk to about normal adult conversations

Bisa - posted on 02/07/2009

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I think my issue is that I am scared to death. I keep reading the news about how the boyfriend killed the child. Of course I don't want to bring "random" men into my sons life so I will be very particular about who I bring around him.

Jessica - posted on 02/07/2009

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when i found myself single about a year ago i tried  to get right back in to the dating scene and i have met my share of winners we should say..most just wanted a friends with benefits others were getting divorced and didn't know what way was up..i just recently met someone who seems to be a good guy we are taking it one step at a time.

Hayley - posted on 02/01/2009

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i agree ive been single for 2 yrs sometimes  i think who would want a single mom wiv 4 kids its hard to find some1 decent out there xx

Mary - posted on 01/29/2009

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That's right Tiffany!!!!! I am sure it is his total loss! Your little one is so cute. Stay strong, unfortunetly, I have been in your shoes. Some men just SUCK!!!!!!!

Tiffany - posted on 01/29/2009

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so my boyfriend of 3years just broke up with me.  No he is not my sons father, we started dating when my son was 6 months old.



 



You know why we broke up.  Because I have a kid and we live different lives.



Hmm... you didn't think of that problem 3 years ago jackass.. if a guy does not want to date a girl with a kid then don't.  don't drag a relationship out for 3 years and then just decide we live different lives..  Bullshit- don't blame breaking up with me on my kid.. blame it on your assholeness.

Mary - posted on 01/15/2009

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I am with ya ladies! I am starting to think that all the good ones are taken! My biggest problem is finding guys that are "AFRAID of COMMITMENTS".

Carmen - posted on 01/13/2009

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I have looked everywhere around here.. and run out of places.. all I seem to find is the ones that hold to their word... no integrity.. so tired of it..

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