Disappearing "DAD"?

Kelline - posted on 11/14/2008 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Hello....I'm new, but I have a question....I'm torn.



I have twin 2 yr olds. Their biological father pops in and out, and not very often. He asked to see them when they were 4 months, then again he sway them 3 times around Easter this year, and he just called to see them again.



What's frustrating is I won't let him take them, so I have to sit there with him supervising the visits. I've talked to a couple of lawyers and they say that as long as he is paying child support, I can't legally with hold visitations.



I am also scared that they'd grow up resenting the fact I didn't let them see their father.



I never had to deal with this before, my older kid's dad was always in their lives.



Any suggestions?

5 Comments

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Chelsi - posted on 01/14/2009

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My son is 11 now, and the last time he saw his father was when he was 6. It is hard to see the turmoil that an 'adult' puts a child though, but the best thing to do for your girls is just be there for them. The day will come when he either grows up, or your girls know that their dad, well, there is a difference between a dad and a father.

Louise - posted on 01/13/2009

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i think more people have been through this type of thing more than we realise, i completely relate to what ur saying, my girls fathers comes and goes as he pleases, calls on phone to talk to them but never actually wants to see them, very frustrating!!! kids are very resilient, and i believe they know that as their mum is the one who has always been there NO MATTER WHAT!!!

Julie - posted on 12/08/2008

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Hi- I haven't been through exactly what you are experiencing but I would like to share my opinion. I am a single mom of an 8 year old daughter. I know how hard it is to have to watch the father be around your twins. But you are doing the right thing! The twins need to be around their father. The kids will figure out for them selves their relationship with him as they get older. So, have faith, be patient, and always put the kids first.

Kelline - posted on 12/08/2008

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Thanks, I know there is nothing I can do, really, I just hope that they'll understand some day.

[deleted account]

I dont have a specific suggestion, but I will say that I've been thru that myself, and now my son is almost 8 and he doesnt 'want' to see his father. He's at the age now where he knows that the man has emotionally abandoned him, and so he even says that he can't trust him (doesn't want to keep any photos of him or anything).



It's really difficult to stand by and witness first, his father using a revolving door to come in and out of his life (and those were RARE), and now to see my son not even want him to come around because of that. It's hard, and I really wish there was something that I could offer as advice, but I just wanted to share that I know how you feel and I hope things get better.

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