Father's Rights (long post sorry)

Brenna - posted on 06/27/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

38

72

2

I was with the father for 5 months when i found out I was pregnant. I told him on Jan 25th. I am now 7 mths pregnant & have only talked to him twice since I told him. He left & hasnt been back since. I got a text from him that says he wants to meet & talk before "it's" born. (he has never asked to know boy/girl & i've not volunteered the information) He says if I want him to he will sign over his rights & stay away.

I found out that since we broke up he's lost his job, he lives with whichever friends will allow him to stay at their place, and has given up on all his plans to enlist. He has basicly done nothing with his life. While we were together he would smoke pot with his buddies.. and a few times there were children in the house (different rooms but still in the house.) He knew I didnt approve but he did it anyways. I am afraid to let him have any sort of visitation rights with our daughter because if he'll smoke with other children present whats to stop him from smoking around my little girl!? I don't want him to have her and her come home smelling like pot and get sick to where i have to take her to the hospital and lose her because of his stupid choices.
I have talked to lawyers about getting suppervised visits but since he has no criminal record of child endangerment, child abuse or possession they can't do anything until he has her and gets caught or gets caught afterwards. I do not want to lose my little girl and am afraid to let him go have her. there is no telling what he'd do when he's high & she'd be right along with him.

In addition to this.. I started dating a great & supportive guy in March (he was my best friend before then) and we are now engaged. He wants to raise Dawsyn sa his own & we already referred to him as her daddy.

So here's the question.. Should I make my ex sign over his rights to Dawsyn and risk her hating me for not letting her know her biological dad? Or should I let him have visitation rights & risk losing my little girl?
I know the father has rights but to what point do you say enough is enough?

7 Comments

View replies by

Brenna - posted on 06/29/2011

38

72

2

sorry that I didnt get back to everyone sooner. I have actually not had any problems with the sperm donor. I have seen him a few times since my little girl was born but he immediately drops his head and walks away. He told his sister (my best friend) that Dawsyn is not his daughter so I am not worried about him. My fiance and I are still together and were doing awesome. We have our own place near my parents and grandmother, and we spend our days just hanging out and having fun between work, school, and being parents. Life is great and I am not expecting any trouble from the sperm donor. He doesnt feel that he has a daughter so I have dropped it. No point in getting him involved anytime soon. I am not sure how I will tell her when she's older but I know at some point she'll hear about it and ill tell her but not anytime soon. She's already almost a year old! Amazing how time flys by!

Brenda - posted on 06/29/2011

14

9

1

you couls alwsast tell her about her biological father and way he isnt around in nice terms but still have your new guy be her daday. it takes more to be a dad then a father. that is how im going to do it wit my daughter when she is a little older. hope everything works out for you and your little girl. good luck.

Sara - posted on 03/03/2011

36

28

4

I have actually been in this exact place ... I will tell you a father cannot just simply sign away their rights. If that were the case than every father that didn't want to pay child support would do just that. Also, it is very hard to get restricted visitation until something happens to your child in his custody ... which who in the world would let that happen. Sad but true. Basically in order for a birth parent to sign away their rights someone has to assume those rights ... like a step-parent .... and adopt the child. I am talking from experience and I will say you need to get a lawyer and a good one because there is a lot of legal aspects to this type of law when it comes to taking the rights of a birth parent away.

Jessy - posted on 08/31/2010

27

1

7

If you chose to go to court, there are reasons you can cite specifying why there should be restrictions on visitation rights, or if the parent should be denied visitation all together. There is one called "Impairment as a parent due to substance abuse." If you cite this as a reason, there will be an intervention/evaluation, and ultimately a UA done on the father. If he wants to do nothing but crash on people's couches etc. I doubt he will follow through with any treatment program or requirements the courts will put him through. You can also cite "willful abandonment" etc. If he wants to sign his rights over, try to do it in mediation instead of having a court officially rule on it. The court can appoint a mediator, and it can be done privately, without having a million court dates. This is usually the best way. (Besides avoiding court all together)
As to the emotional side of everything...biology is the LEAST of what makes someone a parent.

Becky - posted on 08/19/2010

7

30

1

let him sign his rights over if he chooses to. if he smokes weed, what else is he smoking ? beside if you plan on nursing, your little one cant really leave anyways since you will be nursing on demand.

since he doesnt have a stable place to stay and his own, i wouldnt be allowing your ex to have unsupervised visits anyways because you dont know what his company would be like.

other option is that you can leave this issue alone and see if your ex makes an effort.

i do have to say, its less stressful when the dad relinquishes his rights. my sons dad choose to relinquish his rights after walking out of my sons life from 3-7 months and then when my son was 10 months he choose to walk away for good. i do recommend that if your ex chooses to walk away, make sure you have clauses put in place in regards to support ect before he is allowed to see his daughter in the future.

Kristina - posted on 08/14/2010

51

68

8

If I was you i would let the sperm donor sign over his rights and let your fiance adopt her after yall get married. Then when she gets older she might ask about her real dad and you can tell her about him. then if she wants to meet him i would let her and let her see for herself.

im kind of going through the same thing my sons daddy isnt in his life so when he gets older and asks about him i will tell him about him and if he wants to meet him i will let him meet him so he can see for himself how bad of a father he is.

Vicky - posted on 07/15/2010

2

44

1

No one commented on this??? Hmmm!! I wonder how this went for you with the "other" guy, is he still in the picture?? IF so why not have the "sperm donor" sign away rights and give your daughter a good role model in a man wanting to be a FATHER! You can always talk to her later about all of this but HE is the one wanting to sign his rights away...LET HIM! :-) Good Luck! (Just my opinion....).

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms