How to deal with an infuriating EX

[deleted account] ( 2 moms have responded )

Sorry that this is so long. I am a single mom of a 9 year old son. He sees my ex-husband twice a month and once a year for a vacation of about 7 to 10 days. This is an informal arrangement between us; not through the courts.
My issue is, my ex consistently makes bad decisions regarding my son during their time together. Not decisions that would put him in danger, but bad decisions nonetheless ie: bad mouthing my boyfriend and myself (it's been 8 years; get over it already!) and pushing his own ideals on him, whether or not they fit our son's personality. I just recently had to confront him about the fact that it was not appropriate to be showering with a child of our son's age when my son came home and let me know that this was going on. He denied it but he stories are historically inconsistent. The latest thing is hunting. My son is a self proclaimed "tree hugger" but over their vacation which just ended, my ex bought, and made him wear a "future deer hunter" tee, gave him a WII hunting game and produced pictures of himself with dead deer. Now my son comes back home, literally crying because he is torn between his own heart and his desire to not disappoint his father. If I speak with the ex about it, it will result in a fight and his getting angry with our son for telling me what is going on over there (he has told him before not to discuss what they do over there but my son told me anyway). I don't know how to handle this and don't know when I need to seek outside intervention (legal?) to say, "enough is enough". Any advice?

2 Comments

View replies by

Christina - posted on 02/21/2011

1,513

28

142

Unfortunately you really have no say over what happens when your son is with his father, just like his father has no say over what happens when your son is with you. This will bite him in the butt in a few years. Once your son hits a certain age, the courts will not force him to visit the other parent. If you really are concerned about this, go to court and ask for family counseling for co-parenting strategies between the two of you. You can explain that you can't communicate and that you would like to have you both learn how to cope with each other, and that your son is upset and you want to learn how to help him. If the courts agree to the counseling, and he doesn't comply, he can lose visitation rights. Be wary though, going through "court ordered" therapy can bite you in the butt as well. I believe in keeping the government and courts as far away as possible from my family. What happens in my home is private.

Ashley - posted on 08/26/2010

863

2

161

wow im sorry to here about your struggles does your son like being with him i no its his dad but showering with an 8 year old is not ok. Have u talked to your son about not seeing him as much what does he say if your son has had enough i would follow his lead if not i would explain to your ex if anything else happens that is inappropriate u will be cutting off time and visits and seeking legal advice. Posibly changing rules if he has a cell phone get him to call u every night without his dad sitting there so he can talk to u freely and your ex should not be getting mad at your son because hes telling u about his trip there should be nothing to hide. Thats a bad situation do what your gut tells u and talk to your son sounds like a horrible situation for your son to be in to. Mabey some time away will show his dad he's being selfish and not parenting properly why did he say he was showering with your son.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms