No Daddy No Problems

Bonnie - posted on 09/03/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )

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I am doing great with out my son's Father. My son hasn't seen his dad since he was 8 months old, and he is 2 years old now. My son is doing great without his dad, but I do feel bad. He needs a male figure in his life. My Son's father moved to wisconsin over a year ago and is with a new women. I don't hear from him in over a year until he calls me up to get my hopes up he will start to pay childsupport and be there for his son... Yea Right.

I gave up.... My son and I are doing great. we have Family which is all we need right now. He is happy and So and I...



I do however let my son see his grandparents from his father's side. Nothing wrong with that. I love them to death. I wish their son was a better parent. Just venting

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Wendy - posted on 03/10/2010

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do you and your child a favour never get him put on the birth cert and dont take money from him, get in writing from him that he is 100 percent not the dad and if he was he wouldnt want anything to do with the child. it is the only way to save you and more important your child from grief lateer on when he decides to see the child on and off or worse fight for his rights, i wish to god that i had never put my ex on the birth cert and for my next im not even gonna tell the father he lives far enough away that he wont find out it was a accident, and i know that if he gets involved he will ruin my childs life as does my currant daughters dad in and out in and out its no good for them, kids need stability hun, get him to sign away any rights with a solicetor and walk away, he either signs or stars paying up. its not easy hun but in the long run....... goodluck

Jennifer - posted on 09/05/2009

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Hi Bonnie,



I have a 4.5 year old now, that was introduced to his father about a year ago. Biggest mistake of my life. I had been regretting not telling the father to begin with since we were not in a relationship at the time I found myself pregnant. I tracked him down on Facebook and decided (through much peer pressure) that is was the right thing to let the father know he has a son and that my son should know who his father is. We were doing just fine without him until then. Now, he's had another child and is with the woman who gave birth to his daughter (though they weren't together while she was pregnant, at least that's what he told me). He never once offered to pay any child support, but claims he totally stepped up to the plate to be a part of his son's life when I told him. Now that he's caring for his daughter he thinks he knows all about parenting and has now filed for an amazingly ridiculous amount of parenting time in order to lower his cost of child support and because it's only "fair to him" that he gets to have his son half the time. Not once has he thought about how it'll affect his son to be taken away from his mother and all he has known in his life. I completely regret having told the father now and I regret letting my friends have that much influence on my life decisions. Lesson learned but at what cost to my son's life now.



You are much better to just make it by on your own if it's possible for you to do so. I think it's great that you've remained in touch with your son's father's family and that's a good thing. I'm glad it's working out for you, and just thought I'd put my two cents in here on a topic that is near and dear to my heart.



Good luck,

Jennifer

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Victoria - posted on 09/13/2010

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I have a 3 year old that has never seen his dad. Chris (his father) rather jump from city to city with his new wife, Mindi. He just told everyone I had an abortion. I cleared that up real quickly. Then in 2008 I met an amazing man in the strangest place and we have been together ever since. We ( him and I) have a beautiful 19 month old boy. His first child.But he loves my son just like his own. His family is very supportive. I dont know what I would have done without him. The love of my life and my two amazing boys!!!

Jessy - posted on 08/31/2010

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I agree, never let your friends influence you when it comes to raising your children and ESPECIALLY when it comes to bb daddy issues!!

Jessy - posted on 08/31/2010

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You know what I think about MY son, who has grown up without his dad, or a male role model, is that he will be a better dad when he grows up, and a better man than any of the men I have known...I have faith that he will have a great respect and admiration for women, and be thankful to the women who raised him. I really think that our hardships as single mothers are to serve this purpose, that this new generation of men we are raising alone will treat women better than any generations that have come before them. It's our job to make sure of that!

Benita - posted on 07/14/2010

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My son is 2 and he only saw his father at 3 months. His father I guess wants nothing to do with us. When I got preg he said he left me and I had a very hard preg but then a few months b4 my son was born he said he wanted to be there for us. It was a lie when I called him and said i was in the hospital he only felt it was a cry for money but it wasn't I am doing ok on my own. he then said he was not the father and wanted a DNA test and I said ok and wouldn't sign the BC papers. It was ok, I still gave my son is last name because I know he is the father. The day he saw him he was like "Wow this is really my son" he seemed so excited and said he wanted to see him more. I still laugh to this day because that was at 3 months and he never calls or emails just to check on him, He never remembers his birthday and if I email him he never ask me about his son. Sometimes it is hard when I work all day and get home and he doesn't want to seek or he is sick I wish I had his support but it is ok. I am a strong woman and me and my son will be ok. I wish I knew his parents so my son could spend time with them but they are not in the states and he doesn't want me to talk to anyone he knows but I guess it is for the better. Good luck to everyone else who reads it does get better.

Wendy - posted on 06/12/2010

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thats ok hun. nice to hear i am doing what is right from others. the guy really was a peice of work with me so why whould he be any different with a child he did not want. is my way of looking at it he even said he did not want anymore kids. my q would be why not use a condom then ???
i cant and wont go through with this child what i do every two weeks with my daughter. and in those two weeks when she gets upset cos he has not called. we went to a mediator and had it all put in a contract what he had to do and he had not done it in nearly a year so i wrote him an email saying i would be there at a certain time every other fri and if he was not there he would not see her for another two weeks end of. and well it is working out better though his calling has not improved at all. but i cant expect it all can i and hopefully in the future she will say she does not wnt to go at all. for now she should be staying two mights but rings me in tears the second eve as she wants to come home and i let her. one night is all she will do. so i know somehting is not right for her there. i am overly loving with her and he is so opposite to that maybe that is what it is. if i say do you want to stay at dads or her aunties she does not pick her dads ever. this is when i go into hospital. x we are strong and can do this as single mums it is so much easier if the dad stays out of it. dads rights are ok if the dad is a good one but the thing that those who fought for all these rights for dads did not take into consideration is noy all the dads deserve it. i think it should of been left up to mum cos we really do know best its just the few cows who took thier feelings out on the child dad relationship who are at fault for this. now our children have to suffer.

Sheena - posted on 04/04/2010

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Hi I am my own too have been since the start. This is better for my son as he has never known anything different other than the two of us. We are very lucky cause my family are so supportive and I have a really nice circle of friends. My son has not seen his Dad in over a year, This time last year suddenly he stopped calling, coming to see him and giving any money to him. He couldn't even be bothered to send him a 3rd birthday card. Brodie is now nearly four and will the odd time mention his Dad but it is always a comment like my dad is going to buy me a wii!! I think to myself good luck with that!! In all honesty I used to dread the three weekly visits he would completely upset Brodie's wee life didn't seem to have clue how to parent him! Brodie is a happy secure wee boy who has a real zest for life. I still can't understand how a person can get up and walk away from their child's life. But it is his loss cause he is missing out on all those amazing milestones that Brodie has been reaching. I think the best way to deal with being a single parent is always be honest with your child about that missing parent. I have photographs of Brodie's Dad which he can look at anytime he likes. I don't not mention his name to Brodie, because I always want his to feel like he can talk about his Dad openly. I don't dislike Brodie's dad I just don't trust him not to hurt Brodie so I'm of the view now it's best he stays out of his life. Where as before like many of you I thought he must have some contact with his Dad. I think we should all be proud of ourselves to what a good job we're doing bringing up a child or children on our own, I think you are right Wendy in the long run it is a better situation than having your child being let down by an unreliable Dad. I have written a very long winded message sorry about that on my high horse. Take care Sheena x

Catherine - posted on 03/09/2010

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So I have a questiong about this subject I aswell have a dead beat dad we call him the "doner" he was unbelieveible anyways im not getting into that i still have much anger towards him and on the subject but the last time i had contact with him was shortly after my baby was born I started hounding him to get a DNA test see once I moved out of his house and he got another girlfriend only then did he start denying it was his but it is so i hounded him for awhile about getting the test done and he played me like always claiming to be doing something about it untill i said you know what im not seeing any results here your not doing anything but giving me every excuse in the book to not get it done and now i have no contact what so ever with him and im not sure if i should go after him for child support or not i dont need it but should i anyways? and well just im not sure were to go from here i really dont want him in my childs or my life i dont care if he pays or not and the only consiquence to that is jon my son will never know him which tech is a good thing if you knew anything about the doner but should I not do anything or do something please help im so confused???

Wendy - posted on 02/10/2010

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after the crap my ex does to his daughter such as not seeing her one on one, only seeing her one day in 14 if i take her and pick her up, allowing her to be in his flat which he did not tell me was full of mould even when i said she had developped ashema he did not tell me a mate of his did, hospital agrees this was the thing that sparked it off as when i stopped her going there 6 mth later no ashema, she still has it app but no inhalers needed . chooses his new kids over her and does not call her its like sending her to a stranger every fortnight, i dedcided not to tell my new baby to be s dad about the baby esp when he was such a jerk, there is no way allowing my new child to go through what i have to by law allow my ex do to my child, nope not doing it. i will explain that i did not tell the dad to the child and why when it is old wnough to understand, meanwhile plenty of male figures in my family for the child and if it is a boy i doubt ill see much of it with my nephew and brother inlaw as i know the poor thing will be taken to football and played with (football again ) till it drops and no this wont be when its older they believe football is from birth till death lol . so my child wont be missing out on a male figure. and two greater ones id be hard to find. x

Veronica - posted on 12/16/2009

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My girl is now 10 yrs old and she had never seen her father since she was born. to her, father is not a big deal even though sometime she did wonder how her father look like. But it's ok, we are doing well and she ever told me, she felt that she is happy just to have me and her grand mother. So ladies, to have a father who don't loe the family is worst than no father. At least the family do not have to suffer any pain.

Yonedi - posted on 11/25/2009

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I did that with my 13 year old. The first few years were fine. It was later that he started to show signs that he missed out on having a father. You can't feel guilty for something you have no control over. His dad has to be living with a quilty concious. hopefully one day you'll start a new relationship and that person will fill the shoes of the male role modle.

Shay - posted on 11/02/2009

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Hey, I feel u girl. My 2 year old daughter has seen her "dad" a few times but really he has done nothing for us so.. I'm over it! She still sees his mother on weekends,but as far as he is concerned, hes the one missing out on a beautiful child. Im in the process of getting child support,butother than that Im doing just fine w/out a "baby-daddy".Hi-Five to all single ladies:)

Tammy - posted on 09/06/2009

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The father of my son has never seen him, his choice and wants nothing to do with us. Which suits me just fine, we are happy on our own and don't or want him in our lives. I have some close male friends that have stepped into the role of 'father figure' so my son does have some male influence in his life. We also have a strong support system of friends and family, which is all we need :)
I believe we are strong enough to do it on our own and we are proof of that.
It is good that you do keep in touch with the grandparents, its good for all of you. Me on the other hand do not know his parents and am sad that he will miss out on that part of his life and that part of his heritage.
Stay strong,
Tammy

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