Pregnant and wondering about custody

Julia - posted on 04/05/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I'm 12 weeks along, the father left me and now wants to be a part of his future child's life. What steps should iI take to get the most amount of custody possible? I'd prefer the father have no contact because he is highly irresponsible and impulsive but realize this is probably not an option.

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Karah Jade - posted on 03/18/2013

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I was you a few months ago. I felt as if I wasn't even the mother of the baby in my belly. He intimidated me, always saying he would get full custody because I cheated on him. I was scared. I had to end up going to counseling. A week after she was born I filed for joint custody. He turned around and filed for full. I let him see her because no matter how stupid or mean he was to me HE IS HER FATHER. I HATED him but I had to face the facts. I never had a father and want her to have one. She is five months and he gets no longer than three hours for two days a week. So do not worry right now. It does nothing but make it worse. It gets easier I promise.

Ashli - posted on 01/21/2013

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I'm actually in your situation. I am 7 mo along with my son, and The father and I split due to much problems. He hasn't gone 2 one appointment with me, I have heard every excuse known to man of why he can't go. Tonight he told he got burned out on going to them, bc of his exwife. Sounds to me he never planned to help me with the pregnancy, you can't walk away from you responsibilities while she is pregnant.and decide after the baby is born you want something to do with the child. you can't be half way into it and that is what he wants, well im hurt, angery and pissed off, im going after him for everything. I don't care if it lands him in jail.

Chrissyomari - posted on 07/19/2012

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I was in your situation and people sort of told me this and I didn't listen, but I wish someone had been more clear and now that my son is 16 months, this is so much easier said than done, but here goes nothing . . .

You 3 months pregnant. Don't worry about custody at this time. Don't worry at all. Enjoy your pregnancy, if you can work, work and stack up all the money you can, but don't be preoccupied with that man. Cut off all communication with him unless he is being helpful. When the child is born, DO NOT put his name on the birth certificate, DO NOT give him dad's last name. File child support, be happy and move on.

It may not seem like it now, but it WILL work out and all the thinking and worrying you are doing is for naught. Again, I am a thinker and I tried to come up with every possible scenario when I was pregnant and it didn't matter. Everything is fine. His dad may want to be in his life. So what? Let him. You are in charge. You can minimize or maximize his dad's importance and I think you should do that according to his actions. If he shows up consistently, give him credit. If he's mr. sometime dad, explain to your kid that his dad is irresponsible but that is not a reflection on him and her. Tell him or her that God brought you two together, so he/she could be born, but . . . I'm digressing. The point is stop worrying and focus on yourself and your AMAZING BABY!!! It's going to be AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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