3 year old already a bully

Natalie - posted on 02/20/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I have a 3 yr old son who bullies other kids at his pre school. Sometime it is for no reason and sometimes it is because he wants the toy or item they have. He will even bit. Dot know how to get it out of him?

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Natalie - posted on 02/22/2009

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We found out the other night (after he bit me) that he gets frustrated when someone is too on top of him or it gets a bit much for him he then needs to break that interaction and he bites or kicks.  This doesnt happen just at his pre school.  But thank you for you help will try the things you have mentioned.

Natalie - posted on 02/22/2009

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HI there,  Thanks for this.  We do try and keep to the reward system with stars for being good and black marks for being a bully.  Which helps most of the time too.  I dont like my kids getting too much sugar at night as it is very rushed when we get home from school.  We also have started taking a toy or something in that line away for a night or tow, seems to work well.  We also found out (after he bit me) that he gets frustrated when someone is too on top of him or it gets a bit much for him he then needs to break that interaction and he bites or kicks.  But thank you for you help will try the other things you have mentioned.

Anne - posted on 02/20/2009

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I recently went through the same thing with my son. He was fine at home but a daycare it was reported to me that my son was hitting pushing sratching throwing toys and so on. The daycare couldnt handle him. On closer inspection, I found a teacher who was acting differently with him than the other children. I pulled him out and found him a new daycare, and there hasnt been one complaint since, in fact they say he is perfect!



 



A lot of the time our little guys dont know how to express themselves. So check in with him to make sure everything is okay cause you never know. A lot of the time there is a bigger reason for acting out in such ways.

Amber - posted on 02/20/2009

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I want to reassure you that this is normal for boys (not that it makes it okay) and is not a reflection on you. I have the same problem with my son. And everyone has a theory on why he is this way. We have been working on a reward system for him. And it seems to help most of the time. You need to keep in mind his age and what he enjoys the most. For my son, who is 5, it is movies, visits to nana's and going to friends houses. Depending on the severity of his infraction I will take one item away from him for an appropriate number of days never to exceed 5. I do find that I have to remind him why he can't have/do what has been taken away but this seems to help. There are other things to look at when determining why he behaves this way. Is he mimicking other children, picking on the same child/children repeatedly, is he getting enough sleep, and are there foods that make him more agressive. As I say there are as many different theories on why kids are bullies as there are people so you may want to keep notes on it for a few weeks just to see if there is an underlying issue. Back to the reward program I find that instant reward works better with the younger children, so you may want to go stock up on stickers or another age appropriate prize. Soon he will learn that when he behaves he gets praise and a prize and that any mistreatment of fellow classmates results in time outs or even exclusion from fun activities. Just be sure to keep it age appropriate. And see what suggestions his teachers and pediatrician may have.

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