Absent fathers

Emma - posted on 04/24/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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My daughtesr father has not seen her since the end of March and before that was the end of last year. My daughter does not seem bothered about this, but i am stuck. I really don't know what to do if her father asks to have her??? When she came back from his, she was a nightmare as he had given in to all her demands. Please help me!!!!

8 Comments

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Kinsey - posted on 04/26/2009

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I got out when I was 3 months pregnant and my son's father flipped out when I left. Granted, he was completely drunk when he called and chewed me out how it was "all my fault" (one reason I left) but I didn't cave, I didn't yell, and I didn't cuss. That way he looked like the idiot and not me. I then found out my rights and how long it would take for child support, if I could get any (he works under the table for his father) and about terminating his rights. Where I live I had to wait a year before I could start the process. He demanded a paternity test when I went after him for child support (I didn't care, he was the one cheating, not me!) and then when the results came back 99,999% his, he had the nerve to say "99.999% doesn't make it mine". I wanted to punch him in the face! After a year and 4 months I got a lawyer and started the parental rights termination process. It took about 4 1/2 months but a week before Christmas I had court. And since he signed a waiver saying that he was not going to contest and it was over a year, AND I got to testify to all the BS, his rights were terminated based on abandonment. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through, but the best. I only saw a total of $300 in child support for a year and 1/2 that he had rights for my son. Now I don't have to worry about him at all. The only downfall is that termination of rights is expensive. I believe it cost me a little over $1,000. I was also fortunate enough to have family loan me the money interest free to get it done. It's hard, but worth it. He NEVER once saw my son so it's different in that way (he never wanted to). But the worry and nerves that follow me everywhere are gone. Just a suggestion.

Brianna - posted on 04/26/2009

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My sons father has been gone since I was preg with him and now we are in the middle of childsupport fight and coustdy battle. So I understand the fristration of "absent Fathers" but I dont know how it feels to let the father take your child... not looking forward to that one!

Vanessa - posted on 04/26/2009

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all 3 of my kids don't have any contact with their fathers, he should be a proper father and learn not to give in to her demands nd i feel that your dughter maybe plying u 2 against each other

Amanda - posted on 04/26/2009

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i would lobby to get full cusotdy having him pop in and out of her life is going to be to hard on her...my mom had my brothers dad put on a schedual (like he'd have visitation every week) if he missed three visits in a row he'd lose his visitation. my mom told me how hard it was watching a two year old getting dressed and excited to see daddy to get a call two hours later cancling and having to tell him... if you let him get away with this it'll just get worse. shes better off with out him rather then feeling like shes not worth a visit! im trying to get my ex to give up his rights because he's already cancled two visits one on my sons first birthday because he's spending all his money on his new gf.

Cheryl - posted on 04/25/2009

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hello emma, my son is going to be 2 soon and his dad has nt seen him from the age of 6weeks my feelings about your x is you sound better of on your own, i always say if a man dont want to no there child, he is the one that will lose out, and that what i call a dead beat dad. your gonna do well. go girl.

Emma - posted on 04/25/2009

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Thank you both for replying...i am in the process of getting child supprt, but as usual they are taking a while. Just like my daughter, she very rarely asks about him, seems to be when i've told her off....It was nice to hear some single moms thoughts!

Thank you both x

Laura - posted on 04/24/2009

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Hi Emma,

My ex was similar. I left him a year ago and at first he wanted our daughter to sleep over once a week. I agreed. Then he got a girlfriend and kept letting our daughter down and not seeing her for long periods. As soon as the girlfriend was gone, he was back demanding to her sleepovers and wanting more time with her. Again I agreed. I think I felt I had to agree as I should mention that he was aggessive towards me in our relationship and verbaly afterwards and I felt bullied into it half the time. My daughter always returned moody and a nightmare and her routine would be a mess as he wouldnt follow it. He never helped me when I needed it and never paid towards her - in fact I paid him with nappies and food for when she did get to sleep over (only happened every couple of week as always had excuse for why she couldnt go and i had to explain to her why she wasnt seeing daddy)!



But things changed this year when he made demands which left me scared for our daughters safety and I finally put my foot down - to this he threatened to snatch our daughter and get a solicitor to fight me. To this, I have not let him see her since.



I have finally found the confidence to stand up not just for me but for my daughter. I have gone for child maintenance and now have a solicitor who is advising me how to protect my daughter and sort out future access under my terms and only if I feel it is safe to do so. He contiuously harassed me and threatened me about seeing our daughter but I stick to my guns as its not far on either me or my daughter to be messed about. Since my daughter stopped seeing her father, she has been more content, polite and loving. She has only asked me about him a handful of times and never seems bothered he isnt about.



Why not seek legal advice just to look at your options. If he asks to have her, tell him you dont think it is a good idea as it upsets her routine but that he can see her at yours (if you feel comfortable with that). Tell him that being a father is a full time job not part time. If he really wanted to be around for her then he would make more of an effort. Look into getting child support too. Good luck x

Likisha - posted on 04/24/2009

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Hello Emma,

First of all he can't be in and out of yall daughter life. Second if he's not on childsupport slap his butt on it. I'm in a situation dat my babygirl father doesn't call or come see her at all. Yes he's on childsupport and he caused it on himself. Talk to him and see what he's gonna do first then do what you gotta do. If he doesn't straightened up continue to play your part as bein a mom and dad and don't let her go. Good Luck!

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