Any good pointers for a child who does not listen?

Wendi - posted on 05/20/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My 3 year old going on 4 year old does not seem to want to listen. I have to continuously repeat myself over and over again...and she looks at me like "What?" She dares not to say it but I know that is what she is thinking.

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[deleted account]

You can make a child listen to you because you are bigger, in charge and can give unpleasant consequences, but you can't really reason with them because they are not yet capable of reason. They do understand cause and effect and consistancy at this age and that is what counts. Childrens brains are also not wired for negative reinforcement so positive stuff will always work better.

Reasoning starts 5 and really kicks in at 7, and again between 13-14.

User - posted on 05/22/2009

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Hi Wendy my name is Missy it is very frustrating to deal with any child that does not respond to u in the manner u want when u speak especially at that age but my advice to u is discipline. From that age if stern discipline isn't instill its very difficult to break, so when u need to correct her and she dosen't listen sit her in a corner where she has to understand that she cannot move or gets what she want until she behaves or listen then always explain to her why it is being done. I learnt that from supernanny which has alot of good pointers for children care

Ebony - posted on 05/20/2009

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i'm not to sure about the rational of not being able to reason with young kids... my daughter will be 2 next month and when i firmly tell her "you better stop or you will get a time out or spanking" -yes spanking- or i ask her does she want either if she doesn't stop - she stops or says no she doesn't want either and will correct her behavior... like another mom said CONSISTENCY is definitely the key... if i tell her i'm going to do something i do it... no matter if i have to stop what i'm doing to do so... i've learned that she takes me more seriously and will listen... i also don't yell... just like if you yell at an adult it gets you no where and you use more energy only to get no results... don't get me wrong,we do have days where I have to stay on top of her a lot more... but i stick with it and those days are very far and few in between... i've also learned to pick and choose my battles... is it something that will cause her harm or where she is being utterly defiant? or is it something that really isn't that serious that is more or less just getting on my nerves but not a big deal?... if it's the latter then i've learned to check myself... be firm and be consistent

LeAnna - posted on 05/20/2009

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Feel lucky, my 3 year old, (thinking she is 23) is the exact same way I recieve an email monthly from either pampers.com or huggies.com that had warned me about this phase but I also have a 16 year old that sometimes acts like he's 6 so go figure!

[deleted account]

A 3-4 year old is still basically a large toddler, so you don't reason with them, you give them very simple directions and you do have to repeat it. Keep it a short and simple sentence with only one verb per sentence, don't ask them to multitask, they can't. Since their brains are wired differently than adults and they are not programmed to hear negative reinforcement you really don't know what they are thinking. When she doesn't listen she gets a 3 minute timeout , then a hug and you start over again. There is no point in getting frustrated or mad because they are simply too young to get it. Actual reasoning starts after the 5th birthday and surprise ! the wiring starts to connect. Unitl then repetition, consistancy, and a sense of humor help you survive.

Jennifer - posted on 05/20/2009

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I to have a 4 yr old as well as a 3 year old i have the same problem with both my boys.It seems the only thig that works for me is concistancy even when its not convinant for me.if i tell my boys no and they dont listen i put them in time out and if they do it again i put them in time out again its hard to keep up with is because they seem to know when im busy but i get up from what im doing and put them there. cuz if i just thret them they wont believe me when im serious

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