Baby Daddy

Amanda - posted on 03/10/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I was with the father my daughter for four years. right before our child turned 2 he left. I was having bad post partom and did nothing for me. I had 9 mths of ups and downs but that was ok but then after I was changed as becoming a mom should do. I loved my daughter with all my heart and wouldn't change a thing but I hated myself and my life. I needed the man that was by my side. He hated to be there for anything I should have left that jurk and never looked back. He didn't put my down or hit me but never there. I had to get in a big fight with him just to watch our child so I could go to his sisters ultrasound. I gave my whole life up for him and he could barely give me an afternoon. I wish so bad I could hate him. I never wanted to but our daughter in the middle of fights like my dad did. I want to be friends with him. Now we get along for the most part (I can be to understanding). The thing is that we never completely broke up. we still see each other in ways that is more then friends. I have been feeling happier about my life but I can't get away from the idea that we could be a happy family. I havent been on a date or anything and he has I hate it. I was thinking that maybe we could work things out but then I called him and he was with a girl. I have to let this go but I don't know how. I was still in love with him or atleast the idea of the white fence when he was ready to move on. how do I let it go most boyfriends I never talked to agian so it wasn't hard to forget about them. How do I get the happy family thing out of my mind and let it go. how do I start over, let it go and not hate the father of my child(which is what he deserves).

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Kathy - posted on 03/10/2009

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Been there and done that, it sucks.  You have got to realize that you are in love with the idea of the "perfect family".  You are tricked into the idea that somehow things will be easier with him there.  It's not and will only be worse.  I tried it again with my ex thinking the same thing.  It always ends up like it was before- the arguing and fighting and the bull.  It only lasted three months and put me and my son back emotionally for six months.  Stop fanatizing about it and realize that you are strong enough to do it on your own and that it will actually be healthier for you and your daughter.   Just make the decision and close the door on him- he thinks he's welcome to come in and out of your life as he pleases. YOu've got to somehow make him realize it doesn't work this way.  Draw very stict lines.  I suggest getting a babysitter and go on a date or have a girls night out.--quit sitting at home wondering what he's doing, because he's not thinking about you.

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Shayna - posted on 03/10/2009

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Ypou need to be a strong positive influence for your daughter.  so guys just can't handle the "family" setting.  put all your love and effort in to your little one,  she is the most important thing now and letting him go will be easier then you think once the inital shock of it wears off. i have 2 kids who's fathers left (1 i was engaged to).  and with the support of my family and friends and the realization i was better off letting him go then wasting energy trying to fix something that was not my fault, put allmy efforts in to making sure my kids were happy and healthy i was able to move past the break ups.   and sometimes you letting the guy go makes him smarten up and realize what he really wants is a family (but don't leave that door open for too long).  Give youself a little time and then you'll know when your ready to say " i'm over him and if he wants to be apart of her life good but if not she has me and that is all that matters"



 



 



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