Baby daddy's and what to do with them!!!

Alisha - posted on 02/11/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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I am a single mom of a two month old little girl. She is absolutely beautiful and a joy to be with. Her father said in the beginning he would be there and wanted to take full responsibility in the daddy role. He hasn't seen his daughter for over two weeks now and its very frustrating. He wants to take her by himself and I wont let him, she is only two months!! He doesn't understand why and refuses to come to my house cause he's allergic to the dogs. He wants me to take her to him!! I just don't understand his line of thinking. Is anyone else in this sort of situation?? Or have any advice on how to deal with him and try to stay happy and stress free for my daughters sake?? This situation is just not fair for her. I am a fixer and I cant fix this one!....My daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to me though, and I will take this situation if it means I can have her in my life.

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[deleted account]

it wont make him act like a man but it is funny as hell to watch!  I made my ex some exlax cookies and was in stiches for hours!

[deleted account]

Brink him a nice chinese green tea.  That will clean his clock for hours to come as he sits on the toilette with diahrea.+

Tiffany - posted on 02/13/2009

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I just wanted to say thank you for posting this....It has made me feel like i am not alone. I have no advice for you because i am still dealing with the same situation myself. My son is 22 months and his father is VERY angry with me for protecting our son. He hasn't seen his son in MONTHS and it breaks my heart everday. Just stay strong for your daughter and work on the bonding with her. You a strong women and your daughter derservs only the best! Thank you for posting

Alisha - posted on 02/13/2009

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Thank you all for your suggestions!! They really help...I have let her go with him once and yes she lived but she has had so many problems since then, I don't think he would know what to do with her(he never even calls to asks how she's doing), it's now two and a half weeks since he's seen her! I think I was a little misunderstood. I REALLY want him in her life, but I don't feel I should bend over backwards for him when I take complete and total care of HIS daughter, ya know?? I think he needs to put in the effort...Oh and about his allergies, he was here for the first three weeks every day without complaint, I think he's just looking for an excuse. But I want him in her life more than anything, I just can't sacrafice myself in the mean time :(

User - posted on 02/13/2009

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I concur with most everyone here.  You need to be a bit more flexible, remember even though you all live apart you are both her parents. He deserves the opportunity to get to know her.  He hasnt given you a reason to not trust him yet.  I really like Laureal's suggestion.  Letting them go that first time is hard, but it must be done.

Lindsey - posted on 02/13/2009

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I have a 14 month little girl and her dad hasnt really been on the scene as he said some nasty stuff when i was carrying her. Recently he has been begging to see her and when he does im there with them as i dont trust him. In the end ur daughter has u and thats all she will ever need just like my little girl.

Sarah - posted on 02/13/2009

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my daughters father and i split up when she was 3 months old and legally he was not aloud to take her over night until she was over a year.at first he came to my place and then around 6 months started taking her for a few hours during a day.if he's alergic to the dogs suggest maybe a relatives house to meet at for a few hours or a close friend.

Jodie - posted on 02/13/2009

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If he really wants to take on the roll like he said he woould he would make the extra effort and go to your place, he is just being lazy and its him missing out not you, does your daughter seem worried that hes not around?

[deleted account]

I understand how u feel, try bringing her over  his place a few times and just observe how he deals with her. Meaning you just watch, if she cries, needs to be changed let him do it act like your not even there maybe that will make you feel more comfortably about leaving her with him. If that doesn't work don't deny him of seeing his child especially if he wants to be apart of her life! Good luck!!!

Mistie - posted on 02/11/2009

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I have a girl that is almost 5 months and i was in a similar situation. What we do is we meet about halfway and he has her for about 2 days a week. We lived together for the first couple months of her life and then i took her and left. I was really nervous the first time he had her overnight and called him almost every hour. It doesnt ever get totally easy because you worry about them all the time but eventually it does get a lil bit better. The first couple times i dropped her off i bawled. When deciding whether or not to let him have her for long periods of time my advice would be to ask yourself whether or not he is a good dad. If he is then the only fair thing to the baby is to let her see him but if not then maybe he shouldnt have her for that long alone till he can be a good dad. While he hasnt seen her in a couple of weeks it is a good sign that he is starting to want to. All of this is just my advice and you dont have to listen to it but it works for me. Oh and dealing with a baby daddy is almost never easy.
I hope everything works out for you and if you ever need to talk or anything just send me a message at: lillady1721@yahoo.com

Rebecka - posted on 02/11/2009

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Find a neutral place where he can visit. A park in warm weather, a shopping mall, a restaurant, some place where he doesn't feel threatened and you don't feel like you've abandonded her.



You cannot make him the ideal Dad, but at least give him the opportunity. Is he paying regular support? If not go to court.  Bes of luck.

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