being both mother and father to my son without destroying my relationships

Shawna - posted on 01/27/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




Help!!!!.....I am a single mother to a 5year old boy. I have other children but they are all grown and had their fathers ( good or bad ) in their life.

I knew when I was pregnant that I would do this alone I just didn't understand the impact or how hard it would be to do. Jayden has no contact with his father anymore and has never spoken to or seen any of his father's family members. It never use to bother me but my ways of raising him are effecting my 3year relationship with my boyfriend. I have noticed and my bf has brought it to my attention many times that I do too much for my son or I'm spoiling him. I buy my son toys at the store when he is good and I didn't realize I was creating a little monster from that,as he now expects it when he is out with others by asking for things.

My intention has always been to try and make up for the missing father by making sure he had things. Now I know this is not the right way at all but how do I be both to him without creating a spoiled child???? I love my son and cater to him a lot he has been with me practically everyday since birth with the exceptions of a few short jobs I had. So Jayden is very attached to me and a part of me can't stand it but I created it!! Ugh.. son has no man in his life to be that father figure and my bf is in a wheelchair and in pain 24/7 so pays him little to no attention. My bf was raised by a single mother in a very hard black community but he had other people like his aunties niece's and nephews and other neighbors in the village that had children, it was like the community helped raise everyone, which I think is awesome but I don't have that,not even close,just a grandmother who is 86 a few miles away but how much can she do?? She loves Jayden but its hard cuz of her age to do much.

I've witnessed really BAD kids while out with my son and I'm like WOAH!!! No my son isn't perfect but he has manners says excuse me please and thank you, but trying to teach him to respect people is my challenge and what I mean by that is not interrupting adults who are speaking and not misbehaving purposely to get attention.... that's the nail on the head of the problems.... .if I am doing anything ( speaking,sitting, playing around, just having fun,or just plain watching TV) with any other person,particularly a male, my son will start acting a fool!!! Not listening, acting bad or disrespectful to the point of I wanna pull my hair out!!!! But if its just him and I, he is pretty much an angel.

I don't know what to do,I told my bf that Jayden is doing the same things that his father use to do to me which was he tried to destroy any relationships that I ever had by acting a fool!! It was like the "I don't want you but don't want anyone else to have you either" syndrome!!! and it sucks

I'm venting cuz I have no one to talk to but any advice would be greatful


Sherry - posted on 01/28/2012




As long as you don't ask your boyfriend for advice, then he should keep his mouth closed. He is just a stranger in the situation. He is not the parent. That would irritate me.

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