Broken heart

Marie - posted on 02/05/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Help i am a newly single mom to a 3yr old little boy, his dad and i have been separated since aug 08 and he is now coming home from his house saying " I don't like you, I don't want to live here, and my favorite is "I don't love you anymore" can anybody help me with this? I don't know if he is being taught this from someone(hint hint) or if this is a normal stage that they go through in a separation and when should i seek professional help?

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Deanna - posted on 02/05/2009

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How heart breaking it must be for you to hear your son say things like that. My advice to you though is when you get the "I don't love you anymore". You look at him and tell him "Well Mommy still loves you." and then let it be.

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Well he could be getting it from your ex, but he also could just be feeling that way, because my son who will be 5 on Feb.17th has been having a very low self esteem since daddy moved out in November of 2008. He has said to me that he doesnt like me, wants to live with daddy but he also says that no body likes him, he is mean and stupid, he calls himself some names. I think that when your son say's those things you need to ask him why is he feeling that way, explore those feelings and also ask him where did he learn about those words? I would also say to him when he says I dont love you anymore, to say back to him, well I love you and I know you love me, you are just feeling sad because you want to be with daddy. Recognize his feelings dont brush them off.

I would also ask your ex, if he is saying this stuff to him, see what he say's. Let him know that you are worried and see if you guy's can talk about it without it getting into a blaming thing.

Marie - posted on 02/08/2009

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I really appreciate all the help from all the other great moms on here, it really helps to know that im not the only mom that is going through this sort of thing. Your words are truely very helpful to me and helps keep my back bone strong to cope with the hurtful words.  I do take all of your advise and use it.  The words still hurt but not as much anymore. Thank you all again

Patricia - posted on 02/08/2009

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My kids have been saying "i don't love you" to me lately too. We have recently moved interstate due to my youngest childs health needs and I just tell them that that makes me sad but I still love them and always will.

Tammy - posted on 02/06/2009

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3 yr olds have a hard time expressing their emotions or even understanding what they are feeling.  When he say's theese things he is probably just angry and can't identify or express that emotion.  Help him find non hurtful ways to express his feeling and alway let him know that you love him no mattter what.  Understand that he at one point probably heard you and your ex expressing both love and  not love to each other so they are confused about romantic love that can fade and parental love that doesn't

Brianne - posted on 02/06/2009

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I myself have a 3 year old boy....and obviously someone is telling him that....3 year olds are not just gonna say that out of the blue....9 time out of 10 they are either hearing it from someone else or someone else is telling him to say that....just always remind him that you love him and just keep instilling that in him. I really hope his father is not the one saying it because if so thats really not cool at all.

Sandra - posted on 02/05/2009

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I have a 2 yr old girl and a 5 yr old boy who both do it, My little girl says some of those things to her dad when i have to leave and she know's she is not coming with me. It is a  stage that all my kids have gone though. Kids will pick up on all that they hear and copy it. Your son knows he gets a reaction out of you so he will probly keep doing it if you keep showing him how it hurts.



My son now 13 did it when his dad left and i was so hurt that straight away blame the dad but it was not so, my son had heard me say that his dad didn't like me any more and didn't want to live hear.



Does your son go to daycare as he may have got it from there as well.



Kids see and hear all, not just what we think they see and hear

Sandra - posted on 02/05/2009

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I have a 2 yr old girl and a 5 yr old boy who both do it, My little girl says some of those things to her dad when i have to leave and she know's she is not coming with me. It is a  stage that all my kids have gone though. Kids will pick up on all that they hear and copy it. Your son knows he gets a reaction out of you so he will probly keep doing it if you keep showing him how it hurts.



My son now 13 did it when his dad left and i was so hurt that straight away blame the dad but it was not so, my son had heard me say that his dad didn't like me any more and didn't want to live hear.



Does your son go to daycare as he may have got it from there as well.



Kids see and hear all, not just what we think they see and hear

Lisa - posted on 02/05/2009

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He is too young to say those things on his own. He is also too young to understand that what he says hurts you - he doesn't mean it. Constantly remind him that you love him. My kids were 1 and 4 when my ex left. Kids are very resilient.

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