can anyone give me advice???????

Melanie - posted on 03/06/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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my 4 1/2 yr old boy is very sensitive and emotional and keeps acting up all the time. he is a damaged lil boy as his father (if you can even call him that!) has come in and oout of his life so much he now has alot of issues. my health visitor has said he is to young for counciling but he is really hard work and i feel like i have failed him and his 1 yr old brother. i have stopped there father from seeing them now as he has caused enough upset but im now starting to thing it was a mistake. please someone help me !!!!!!!! mel xx

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Melanie - posted on 03/08/2009

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thankyou everyone for your advice and support. i have been attending counciling for 3yrs and just got signed off and then all the stress pilled back on again. me and my son talk alot and i know it helps him but i do feel guilty about his father leaving him and his brother, but we are better off without him as his own mental health issues are too much and he has tried killing himself on more than 5 occations. its just hard to deal with all the upset from my lil boy. i never wanted this for them. thanx again your all wonderfull people xxxx xxxx

Sarah - posted on 03/07/2009

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hi



its tough and some of what others have said about play therpay and therapy for yourself sounds like it might be useful.



be kinder to yourself you are not to blame for his father being unpredictable...im wnasering if the guilt is causing you to let your son get away with more than is good for him.



set clear boundaries...be firm but fair and consisitent.



 



im sure you already do lots of praise and love and doing fun things .



unfortunately things are never as rosy as we would like them to be.



take care of  you .



 



x



 

User - posted on 03/07/2009

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I agree - your son is not 2 young for therapy.  There are lots of groups for children of divorce that help them cope with one parent being out of the picture and show them peers in the same situation.  My ex-husband comes in and out but I didn't want to be the reason his father stopped seeing him.  My son is now starting to realize that I'm not part of his father's decision to not visit.  He has even told his father that he is sick of the roller coaster.  Now my son is making the decision to not see his father.  The key is being totally honest with your son that is age appropriate.  I engage my son in lots of dialogue about his feelings about his dad and he deals with it in therapy as well.

Tori - posted on 03/07/2009

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Well my son's father is only around for his birthday and christmas. I allow that because I don't want my son to think that his dad is totally out of his life. I think you should just talk to your son and ask him how he feels and then let his father kno how its affecting y'alls son. If he wants to make it better let him. But if he doesn't then jus tell your son that his dad has some issues right now and thatas why he doesnt come around.

Heather - posted on 03/06/2009

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therapy could help him but alot of love and attention from you will help as well. Another thing that could be helpful is family and friend support to fill that void (father) play dates with other kids his age, a positive male role model such as a grandfather. it may take some time for that emotional feeling to go away but it will. My oldest was 4 as well when his father moved out of state and he went through an emotional phase but I kept him busy enough with sports, and play dates and kept him around positive loving people that it did pass in time

Heather - posted on 03/06/2009

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When my daughter was younger she was part of a therapy group for children.  You may also want to look into the big brothers program for a male role model.  Or maybe your brother, dad, or just a male friend of yours who could bond with him and his little brother.  You should also consider some therapy for yourself, it sounds like the stress is effecting you as much as the kids. Good luck!

Heidi - posted on 03/06/2009

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You are never to young for therapy. There is type called play threapy which is for children. Something to think about. Hope it helps good luck and take care. :)

Lisa - posted on 03/06/2009

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Hello I know how hard it is My child's father left us and she is now alot older then your kids but I don't think he's to young for therapy it helps them out alot to talk it out or even in therapy to act things out

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