can I do it?

Jessica - posted on 04/30/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My life has changed so much in the past few months that I no longer know who I am. I have been blessed with a beautiful little girl who will be one year old in a week! She is absolutely my everything, and the reason I wake up every morning with a smile on my face. I'm also expecting a new baby at the beginning of September...

Lately, things have been tough. I'm reaching the point in my pregnancy where I really feel it. Chasing Leila wears me out more and more every day. I'm been experiencing a lot of pains lately that are a combination of 3 pregnancies in close succession and chasing a one year old. I'm only 21 weeks, but feel so much further along.

I need help. My babies' father and I have recently split. It's a nightmare. I feel like a cliche... I hate the though of being pregnant and single. Who will ever love a woman with two children, if not the father of her children? It makes me so sad to know my children will never experience the family dynamics that I grew up with. I never would have dreamed that I'd end up a single mother of two... Every time I became pregnant I was engaged to a man I dearly loved. What happened?

I'm an emotional mess. I think of how things are going to change come the end of the summer. My parents are wonderful support, but are only here in the evenings. How am I going to be able to handle a toddler and an infant alone? How do I breastfeed and chase after a 16 months old? When will I shower? When will I sleep? How will I grocery shop?

9 Comments

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Kirstin - posted on 05/06/2009

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Oh i became a single mum when my son was just 8mths and I was 5mths pregs and thier father has had no interest since. Even got another chicky pregnant 2 weeks after he left me. Go figure

Kirstin - posted on 05/06/2009

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I am a single mum of kids 13mths apart. Yes its really hard at first, as your oldest is still a baby it self. Shower when they both go to sleep at night. Remember to never be afraid of asking for help even having your mum stay for the first few weeks to help will make all the difference. Shopping with two well yeah its fun but a challenge. You will sleep, as they get older it gets easier.

As for finding another man, the man I want wanted me when I was pregnant with my second. As I wasnt ready at that stage he has now waited for me for over a year. There are men out there you just got to be patient, sort your own life out first. REMEMBER TO BREATH AND TRY TO RELAX. Even puting your oldest to sleep in bed with you while the baby naps helps. You will find away us as mums we always do.

Good Luck and if you ever need help or someone to talk to my msn is krstnjones@hotmail.com. Your never alone

Linda - posted on 05/05/2009

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Hi Jessica, my name is Linda; first off on the question of who will love a woman with 2 kids just look up and you will see you already have some one and his name is Jesus Christ who love's you when it seems as if no one else does.Seek God for wisdom and ask family for help you can make it just don't give up. I have been a single mother for 18 years and counting; it gets tuff some times but I made it and so can you.When it gets hard pray; when it seems easy pray and you will be able to look back at all the years passed and say "I MADE IT!!!" I want to take a pause right here and ask you a question; Do you know Jesus as your Lord and Savior if not stop what you are doing and ask him to come in to your heart and save you.that is the only way you are going to be able to make it not saying everything will be a bed of roses every day but you will be able to have peace and be able to stand as you go through.I will keep you in my prayers.You will make it!!

Deni - posted on 05/05/2009

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hi jessica

i know how it feels to be a single mum. i have a little one who has just turned 5 mths. it has been hard coz i went through the whole pregnancy by myself. it was very hard at times, but i thought i did quite well, he has not seen his father and i have not heard from him since we got togethert that nite i fell pregnant. men do make life harder, we cant live with them and we cant live without them. life will have its up's and down's but thats how it is! you hit rough patches all the time, you just have to take it as it comes. thinking about ur lil ones is one of the main life choices we have to live with, but just dont forget yourself, you do need time to relax and just have u time! there are men out there that will love you for you and they wont mind about the extra baggage. i ve been lucky to ve family n friends around me, so u should do the same, just think of u and ur 2 lil ones atm, another special someone will come around soon, just not ASAP. just try to be patient. by keeping your calm and relax your 2 lil ones will do the same. just look after urself. try to stay positive for ur sack n theirs. life will get better.

good luck

deni

Alexis - posted on 05/05/2009

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hi jessica,,,

i know it is very daunting at the moment but try not to stress or think about it to much.... i left my second husband when my youngest sons were 5months and 22 months... it was and still is hard.... having them really close is a challenge... but honestly things will fall into place.... little things like bathing with the kids and have the little one sit next to you on the lounge with a book or lunch whilst you feed is a good one.... maybe even feed on the bed and let your litle one be near you.... i only bought groceries as i needed them.... it was too difficult on my own otherwise i had a girlfriend that would help me....



ask for help... rest when you can and try not to stress....

goodluck....

alexis

Stacey - posted on 05/01/2009

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I really do feel for you, and your entry almost brought me to tears as I still remember being pregnant and single. I have one son, who is now almost 8. My son's father has never seen him -- he just disappeared. It is hard, but it is doable. Showering when the kids are asleep is great advice... you will soon be able to shower faster than you though possible! You will learn how to cope and skills of survival. To this day, I can carry about 10 bags of groceries on each arm. When my son was a baby I had to get all of the groceries in one trip because I didn't want to leave him alone in the house or alone in the car. You will be able to prioritize and accomplish what has to be done. The rest can always fit in at some point! I work full-time and go to school full-time. Most days I'm too exhausted to keep my eyes open, but I have to. Pretty soon it will all be a routine. You'll have the days where you don't know if you can do it... but you'll have plenty of days when you're proud of just how much you do! Don't worry about finding a guy who will want you... you'll have your hands full with your children. Worry about that later and you can date once your heart has truly healed.



Good luck and best wishes!

Linda - posted on 04/30/2009

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Hi Jessica,



Both Lisa & Blanca give good advice. You take one day at a time and grow stronger each day. I am sure your parents will help as much as they can maybe even take your older girl for a weekend or something. Do you have a close friend who can watch the kids so you can go grocery shopping? I am not sure if your ex will help but maybe he could pitch in somehow. ?? Social agencies can also help - so give them a try. Hang in their hon.

Blanca - posted on 04/30/2009

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Dear Jessica, of course you can do it -so many of us are doing it all. Times are changing and we need to think about what is best for our children not about having  the image of a perfect family when it is not. Believe me there are good men out there who will love your children the same way they love you. My sister remarried a a wonderful man and she had 2 kids  each one from a different partner. This man is probably more involved with the kids than she is. She has 3 kids now and she is about to divorce this great man. She has her reasons-I don''t understand her. the point is that a man will love you with your children if they truly love you-take care of yourself try to relax think positive and good luck. Quoting Jessica:

can I do it?

My life has changed so much in the past few months that I no longer know who I am. I have been blessed with a beautiful little girl who will be one year old in a week! She is absolutely my everything, and the reason I wake up every morning with a smile on my face. I'm also expecting a new baby at the beginning of September...

Lately, things have been tough. I'm reaching the point in my pregnancy where I really feel it. Chasing Leila wears me out more and more every day. I'm been experiencing a lot of pains lately that are a combination of 3 pregnancies in close succession and chasing a one year old. I'm only 21 weeks, but feel so much further along.

I need help. My babies' father and I have recently split. It's a nightmare. I feel like a cliche... I hate the though of being pregnant and single. Who will ever love a woman with two children, if not the father of her children? It makes me so sad to know my children will never experience the family dynamics that I grew up with. I never would have dreamed that I'd end up a single mother of two... Every time I became pregnant I was engaged to a man I dearly loved. What happened?

I'm an emotional mess. I think of how things are going to change come the end of the summer. My parents are wonderful support, but are only here in the evenings. How am I going to be able to handle a toddler and an infant alone? How do I breastfeed and chase after a 16 months old? When will I shower? When will I sleep? How will I grocery shop?


 

Lisa - posted on 04/30/2009

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my freind is going threw the same problem as u. god would not put u in a situation that u cannot handle. 1st u should surrond yourself with friends and family that helps alot. i was single through my whole pregnancy. its not too bad. sometimes men just make things worse and get u upset so maybe u dont need that in your life right now. u feel pregnant and alone but dont worry you'll give birth in no time. then at least u wont feel so tired. just try to concentrate on playing with your daughter and making her happy. and start thinking about what u are going to do with your future. going back to school etc. try to make some goals and stick to them. when your baby is born get alot of cartoon dvds to keep your 1 year old occupied so u can care for the newborn. u can shower at night when there both asleep. the toddler should sleep the whole night by then and the newborn will sleep at least 3 hours. get a double stroller and ask your mom or friend to go with u grocery shopping. dont stress yourself out. it can be done alot of women go through this. also, u will find a good man one day. just dont be in a rush to find one. theres someone for everyone.

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