Child Support

Jessica - posted on 01/13/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )




My son is now 2 years old and I am not recieving much child support. My son's father will give me a couple hundred dollars every now and then, but nothing I can count on. I have not as of yet went through the courts because my ex works from home and sells things online. What he does is illegal. He has not filed taxes for years either. I have told him before that I was going to have to take him to court and he threatens me that my son and I will never see a dime because he will tell the courts his girlfriend pays for everything. He and his girlfriend live in a luxury apartment that costs more than I make a month, take trips, eat out every night, etc....Yet, he cannot put child support into his budget. I guess I am scared his threats will ring true and I won't get anything. At least now if I play nice I get a little something at least every few months. I am saddened and upset that he puts his son last. I have lupus and no matter what I go to work so my son has what he needs and has a nice life, even when I am too sick to get out of bed I do it. Yet, his father can't seem to put his selfishness aside, pay for his son or even see him for that matter. He saw him for 3 hours on Xmas day and that was the first time in over 2 months that he saw his son.

I guess I am wondering if in anyone else's opinion if it would be worth it in the long run to take this jerk to court and risk not having anything from him. If I do this it will make him very angry and he will retaliate by not seeing his son at all. I just feel like I need a little help right now and that it is my ex's responsibility to do something, anything for his son!

Thanks much,

Jessica E


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Hi Jessica,

You are in a diffcult spot. Men are so vendictive. Child support is almost like asking them to get a vasectomy, it seems to somehow crush their manhood. I am in Va, so all I know is what is here. I have work experience as well in this area. I would not take his threats kindly. He needs to pay, his child is his responsiblity as much as yours. I would recommendd that you go to the Child Support Enforcement for your area. (In Va we have one for every City and/or County and open up a case against him,. Here it is free and they will do the work of getting the support from him. But they are a govt agency so it is slow going, you could get things done faster if you went to court yourself and/or hired an attorney. To my knowledge, each state has a minimum amount of money that has to be paid a month for support, regardless of what they make, even if they are homeless. He should at least be court ordered to pay your state minimum. And have it go thru child support enforcement. If he does not pay it, then it will accure an arrears,eventually he will get so far behind that they will start to take criminal actions against him. And some states, once they reach a certain amount in arrears, then they start reporting it to their credit, this ruins their credit scores and then they can't go run up car payments, etc cause they are not paying support. I know here that they can suspend your drivers license as well. There are ways to make life miserable for peeps who wont pay, but you have to find out where in your area your child support enforcement office is and be friendly to them and give them every piece of paper you can think of that will help them out.

Kara - posted on 01/13/2009




I just signed up with Support Kids after years of trying to chase a deadbeat who did everything under the table. While I lived with him he owned his own company and made upwards of $75/hour. After years I even went back to mediation and agreed that he wasn't capable of making more than $12/hour (he's a computer programmer) and he still didn't pay. To some it's more a game and out of spite that they refuse to pay. I was advised by a court appointed attorney, my own private attorney and even someone at the Department of Revenue to use a private company to collect. They all told me that I would never be able to prove his income on my own. Support Kids has private investigators and attorneys. Not totally sure if it works yet, I'm hoping so, and can keep you updated if you like. I only signed up two weeks ago after they all chimed in on the inability of the court system to do anything, at least here in Florida.

Melissa - posted on 01/13/2009




Hello Jessica

   I think that you should definately file! I am a single mother of 2! The both of my children have different fathers and neither one of there fathers are in there life the way they are suppose to be! My daughter is 2 and her father has only seen her ONCE! He has yet to buy her anything! And my son his father is here sometime (he'll probably see him twice or three times out of the month) but he has never bought my son anything (my son is 6 months). I've been filed for child support! I've had the card since '06 and the amount has yet been the same $0.00. I dont even check the balance anymore. I use to get upset about them not seeing there father or there fathers not helping me financially but in the end it is there loss not mine. I see my children every day. They know who mommy is. And when they grow up (the children and there father) they will both see reality. The child support will do nothing but add up if he dont pay so just look at it as it will be a lump sum (if he dont pay). And if they are married she would have to pay if she is the bread winner. So do not let him scare you, he's just doing that because he knows once you file you will receive some of his money! You will receive more than the couple hundred that he tosses you every now and then! And pretty soon you and your son will be eating out every night, and living in a luxury home! Thats the way it should be anyway.....

Randi - posted on 01/13/2009





I can completely sympathize with you. I am recently seperated from the father of my two children, and I immediately went through the courts. I agree with Sarah, the longer you wait the longer it will take to receive what you are entitled to. It might seem hard now, but eventually you will get something. Even if he has no income they will hold him responsible for something and if he doesnt pay the law will force him to. I am still awaiting my support after four months because the father intentionally lost his job so he wouldn't have to pay me, but the support keeps adding up and now he owes me quite a bit. When taxes are filed they will intercept that money and it will go toward the arrears in support. Your ex will eventually have to file taxes sooner or later, and you will get whats owed to you. Find your County Domestic Relations Office and look into filing support. I know how hard it is to risk losing the small amount you are receiving, but it will be worth it in the end, don't wait.

Good Luck,

Randi K.

Starfish - posted on 01/13/2009




Even unemployed people have to pay child support. File anyway. Do it now. The longer you wait, the more you'll wish you hadn't when you finally do. Don't "play nice". This isn't a game, and you shouldn't have to submit to someone else just for something they should be providing anyway. Besides, nothing's stopping him now from deciding you haven't "played nice" enough and not paying anything anyway. At least if you make it nice and legal, he'll be lawfully obligated, and if he doesn't pay, measures can be taken against him.

I understand it's extraordinarily difficult, but don't give up. I just went through it, and after four years, I'm finally getting child support, and my daughter's finally getting the aid she needs.

Stephanie - posted on 01/13/2009




Hi Jessica - It sounds like you are in a really difficult position. I'm so sorry to hear that you have to do deal with this, and that your son is the one who pays the price. I would recommend that you check with a lawyer in your area. Since all states are different. But you might have recourses that a lawyer would know about. Since lawyers can be expensive, there might be a service from your county court system that could advise. In the county that I live there is a department with free lawyers to advise. What I would want to know, if I was you, is 1) is there a way to track and garnish his online sales, and/or 2) if his girlfriend is paying for things, is there a way to get any money from him since he has no bills?

I agree with you that it might not be worth it. But as these deadbeat dads get more knowledgeable on how to cheat their kids, the system does put things in place to catch them.

Good luck!


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