Child support

PAMELA - posted on 10/09/2010 ( 40 moms have responded )

9

39

3

So two days ago i went to court with my youngest child's father. I got awarded 17% child support and a temporary order of primary placment and he has temporary secondary placement. He was requesting 50/50 which i wouldnt allow because she is about to be 10 months old and he has seen her three times. So anyways i ask him after if we are going to work out an agrangment because we were ordered to mediation. He says i doubt it cause your not going to drop the support. All he cares about is the child support. We agreed on every other weekend to begin with and it can gradually get more frequent. He now says he is going to fight me for full custody, but if i drop the support he will let it go the way it is. I would win but it is extreamly expensive to fight. Do i fight or drop the support?

40 Comments

View replies by

Melissa - posted on 08/29/2011

18

22

4

Sorry for the late respond. I hope you did not drop the case. No guy should EVER refuse to give their child or children support because he can not get along with the other parent.

Melissa - posted on 08/21/2011

23

16

1

let the attorney general do it for you for free through the OAG or domestic relations and most likely whomever brings the suit is responsible for ALL court costs associated with the suit. children under 3 have special visitation guidelines and tell him to BRING IT never drop YOUR DAUGHTERS MONEY used for suport and her care. no court in the land would give 50-50 visitation on that history and document document document every date, missed visitation, problems with anything,from now on and forever till 18 yrs old. just for the record not a weapon. you would be shocked at all the b.s. that goes on in the years added togeather over time. the courts respect active pursuits of trying to get along and will a;wyas do whats in the best intr. of the child - well USUALLY 98% of the time and that 2% you hear about on the news....yikes - good luck!

Jennifer - posted on 05/31/2011

270

5

54

LOL I completely understand where you're coming from! But, like the majority I say you need to fight it. And I agree with the documention that someone had recommeded. I am in a similar boat as you, although I'm still awaiting the child support hearing. It's coming up on July 1st and I'm getting really nervous about it. I fear the father of my second child will try to get her taken away from me so that he won't have to pay anything. He once told me while I was still pregnant that if I had the child that he would "turn me into CPS." That pissed me off because all he was concerned about was himself, not whether or not I was a good mother. Keep in mind the first child I have is not his. I asked him why would he do that and he said because, "you cannot afford this baby." It's funny how he left himself out of that financial equation entirely, isn't it? And another day while I was still pregnant he came in to my work place and told me that if I went after him for child support that he would have nothing to do with me or the baby. HAHAHAHA well you know what? Now I want nothing to do with him, so I hope he keeps his word on that! Nothing changed and so I knew nothing was ever going to change and I refused to live the next 17 years of my daughter's life this way with him paying what he felt he could afford and me struggling just so he could live comfortably and the relationship going nowhere. So I broke it off with him in Feb. I had to wait for my tax return, especially after the loss of my job back in Dec. but even with that job I still needed the extra $200 that he gave me. After Feb. came along I broke it off with him and he hasn't come by to see his daughter since and hasn't given me a dime.
Seeing how he was threatening to do stupid things prior to even giving birth I don't see what would stop him from doing or saying more stupid things at the hearing :/ I have taken care of and raised our child, who is now 20 months since she was born. He may not want to pay child support, but I didn't make this child alone, and I don't care what he wants. I didn't want to raise another child alone, but that's exactly what I'm having to do because unlike him, I take care of my responsibilities.

Melissa - posted on 05/31/2011

378

25

4

i let the state deal with my case, and they cannot enforce my case because of my sons dad gets social security insurance and because of that they cannot enforce the order, there is one of $61 a month which is the minimum they can put on, and the sperm donor doesn't pay. I follow what is on the child support order so i can't look bad and i am following my end of what's on there so if he ever comes back and tries to pull anything on me he can't because i have done everything by the book and he never has, and i have dug out information on his bad record and his family's bad record that he has lived with and have those documents in case i need it in the future! So protect yourself and let things play out!

Iysha - posted on 05/31/2011

1,914

26

203

He doesn't have a leg to stand on. In mediation just state your reasons for wanting full custody (his absence in her life so far, the fact that he seems to only want joint custody so he won't have to pay child support, the offers he has made). Document dates and what was said for anything and everything regarding your child's custody. When did he say he would leave it alone if you agreed to not collect child support from him? All that is extremely important and may make the case shorter and less costly because you are prepared and can show that your child's best interest is not his main concern, that money is his main concern. Mediation is where you can voice your concerns...don't offer him anything outside of court. Don't even bring it up...let him do that. For right now, do what the court tells you to. You have primary placement, you are in control, you have the upper hand. My daughter's father has supervised visitation once a week....he hasn't scheduled a visit. He had told me he was going to see our daughter more than I thought and I shouldn't take him to court. I did anyway and I'm glad I did. Don't let him bully you into doing what he wants. You are in control, just remember that.

Jessi - posted on 05/31/2011

522

17

55

i would fight it and have it set up with the courts that he be made responsible to cover court fees being that he is the 1 who is initiating it.

Melissa - posted on 05/31/2011

378

25

4

From what it sounds like to me is he's trying to get out of being a father completely. I wouldn't drop it, he is going to eventually drop wanting custody or visitation down the road anyways. He may start with visitation now, but if he's seen your child 3 times in 10 months he's only trying to get out of paying child support and that is why he's trying to get custody. Do what you have to by court orders for now, and do your share, and down the road you will find out that he will drop everything if he's anything like my son's dad!

Edna - posted on 03/24/2011

18

29

2

He is a hot mess, being cheap will get him NO where in life, especially when it comes to concerning the welfare of his own child. Fight him, battle him in court and win !

Leslie - posted on 03/24/2011

7

0

0

what, dr evil is going to work long hard days/ months/ years to fund 3 visits a year? talk about misplaced energy. if he's all about money show him its going to get very very expensive for him and my monies on him disappearing.

DELLARECE - posted on 10/26/2010

12

14

3

I WOULD SAY DROP THE SUPPORT. THE CHILD/REN NEEDS BOTH PARENTS. WITH THE SEPARATION OF PARENTS THE KIDS ARE THE ONES GETTING HURT IN THE PROCESS. FATHERS AND MOTHERS NEED TO STOP THE BICKERING, RANTING AND RAVING AND DO WHAT IS GOOD FOR THE CHILD/REN'S SAKE. BOTH NEEDS TO SHOW THAT LOVE AND MORAL SUPPORT. KIDS WOULD ONLY END UP RESENTING ONE OF THE PARENT IN THE END.

Linda - posted on 10/25/2010

17

26

0

Fight it because he is just trying to get you to drop the support so he doesn't have to be responsible. Chances are if you show that you won't back down then he will not spend the money to fight you for full custody, especially since money is his motivation and he would most likely not win.

Denae - posted on 10/25/2010

64

14

7

I would say that a man who has tried to put much time in with their child really isnt goin to fight for custody, just making you upset or worried. Chances are judge isnt gunna go for that anyways considering the situation. I wouldnt do anything until you see court paper saying your goin to court or hear from a lawyer. if he is worried about paying support, honestly do u think he wants to get a lawyer or keep the child. if he has custody he would spend more to take care of the child then paying his support. i think you dont have much to worry about. My sons dad was the same way. my son is 15 mos, and his dad has seen him twice since he was 13 mos. he shows no interest in seeing his son but always makes threats of see u in court. we had a court date for child support but he has no job, and doesnt have to pay support until he has a job, basically i can kiss the 20% goodbye!

Chloe - posted on 10/25/2010

8

23

1

If you drop the support he isn't going to do anything but the total opposite of what you agreed on. Yes it is expensive to keep fighting nut like u said he is only worried about paying the child support. Just fight and keep your child with you.

Tamara - posted on 10/24/2010

2

4

0

Holy ****. Well do u have s new love interest? I'm thinking that if u meet someone whom I want to spend ur life with...maybe that person would want to adopt Ur child as their own...no fight in the future. Just saying.

Crissy - posted on 10/24/2010

5

61

0

Well you think thats bad. My son father told me if i drop child support he would sign over his rights as his father.

Tamara - posted on 10/24/2010

2

4

0

Fight! U do not want to drop the support. Don't u do enough on Ur own? Who is he to use ur daughter as a bargaining tool?! There's no price on the best interest of Ur daughter. Good luck

Caitlyn - posted on 10/23/2010

61

12

4

I would say fight. Even if he does for some reason go for full custody, it sounds like he just doesn't want to pay, and possibly wants you to pay as well, he would realize REAL quick that 17% is most likely trivial in comparison to how much raising a child really costs, and would likely hand your daughter right back.

Denise - posted on 10/22/2010

11

9

0

I say fight! I was in & out of court for a year with my sons father.
He tried to make his family & the courts believe that I kept him from
his son but all his lies caught up with him in court. He is a man that needs
to be in control of everything, especially me but because I never
gave him that power he did everything in his power to try & make my life miserable
He tried running me off the road and all kinds of other things but
I won! It cost a lot of money I did not have but there is help out there.
Fight for your child! Do not let him win & make it known
to him that he is beneath you.

Emma - posted on 10/22/2010

21

5

0

i would fight him for what is right, my sons dad kept threatening me whilst i was pregnant with getting full custody, but he never did, he only came round to see him 3 times within 6 weeks of my boy being born, and he ain't been since, i don't get any child support of him but at the same time he dont get contact

User - posted on 10/21/2010

14

0

3

He wouldnt get full custody of your baby unless you were unfit. You have nothing to worry about. He is looking at the financial side of things and thinks it would be less for him if he had the child full time - which we all know that this is not the case as he would still have to be financially responsible for her. He is being silly andd childish. If he wants to take you to court to TRY for full custody then let him. He wont win unless you were unfit. It would not be in the young childs best intrest to remove her from her Mother who has been there 100% since birth. Seriously just think of the best interest of the child and you will see he wouldnt win full custody. He has a obligation to pay and thats that!!

Gloria - posted on 10/21/2010

4

11

0

You fight until the end, all he is looking at is the amount of money he has to give you., which will never equal to half of what you're putting out. Whether you drop the case or not he's still not going to spend any more time with his kid than he is already doing.

Linda - posted on 10/21/2010

3

0

0

if he pursues the full custody, the expense will be on him to prove you are an unfit mother and if you live in the State of Texas, that is almost impossible unless you give up rights to the child. Let him pursue it and it will cost him more than he can imagine, because he will lose not only all the money for the attorneys fees but will also lose the custody battle.

Renee - posted on 10/21/2010

7

3

3

hey girls I have the same problem with the sperm donor my daughter is 6months old and he hasnt seen her yet he wants to take me to court for visataions when I have never said he cant see her which i should have when he has anger problems and drug use if it does go to court i have no idea what will happen :( ... if i was you hun for your daughter sake i wouldnt worry about his money if it will make him go away ..

Sherry-4k - posted on 10/21/2010

4

0

0

My ex has taken me to court twice for full custody for the same reason...money. He never won.

Charity - posted on 10/20/2010

73

17

2

What legal reason does he have to win? Does he make more money than you? Can he provide a clean and stable environment for your baby?
If it was me. . . I would consider letting the support go just so you and your baby can have peace and stability. Baby shouldn't have to be in the middle of that. If Baby means that much to Daddy, Daddy wouldn't be worried about money. I would consider dropping the support agreement and see if Daddy still wants to see Baby. If his visits become few and far between, I would be happy I didn't waste my time and I would know I'm better off making it alone. My sister has had to do this. He stopped calling. Stopped coming around and stopped paying daycare bill (which was the alternative to child support). And I believe if he doesn't pay child support he doesn't have legal right to the child. But I could be wrong about that. It might depend on the state. Do what is healthy and best for the baby. There are other ways to get financial help besides relying on Baby's dad. Look at your other options before you fight.

Sandy - posted on 10/19/2010

6

7

0

If you listen to his BS, they he wins no matter what. Everytime he wined about "If I am going to pay this much I want to see her more..." I'd reply... "Well, you know where she lives...." So, of the 14 years she has been alive, he's participates (not well mind you) all of about 3. I let the state of WA handle his BS now.... pay up dude, or get arrested! After his annual Oct - Feb of not paying, he pays. Agreed, ask your state for help, they will! Good Luck! :)

Lisa - posted on 10/19/2010

2

8

0

Fight it...he wants custody because of money - he probably thinks if he gets custody you will have to pay him support. If he hasnt seen your child - he doesnt want her. Unless you have something that would cause you to loose custody.

Jacki - posted on 10/15/2010

1

8

0

FIGHT!!! I am having to deal with a father that only wants control, and it sounds like that is all yours wants. If he really cared he would be seeing her more. Just a note, in some states if there was any kind of abuse involed in the relationship, you can get an attorney through the states bar association at no cost. Might want to check into it. Good luck!

Kristin - posted on 10/15/2010

1

1

0

Fight for your child. Do NOT drop the child support. Let me just tell you I've been doing this for 7 years - long, hard battle. And truth is this - if he's only seen her 3X in 10 months and is willing to forego visitation if you drop the child support, then he won't push to see her. He's only using this as leverage. And the law states that he can come back in her life whenever he wants - unless there is abuse. NO court will take away his rights if he requests more. So get the $$$ and stay strong!! Good luck!

Tammy - posted on 10/15/2010

6

26

0

he is required by law to pay support. never give up the support. why should you pay for 100% if child care?

Yavoka - posted on 10/15/2010

1

1

0

get the state involve and fight him. He only wants the child so he will not have to pay the support. Also try Legal Aid every state has an organization.

Sheena - posted on 10/15/2010

10

19

1

I've had issues with child support too, yet my childs 'donor' has NEVER seen her even tho I have proven DNA. If I were you I would NOT drop the support. In order for him to get FULL custody he HAS TO prove you are an unfit mother. Unless he can do that then you have no worries.

Holly - posted on 10/14/2010

4

15

0

Fight it! No matter what, find a way - it's obvious her father doesn't care. Be strong girl and do whatever it takes for your little girl. She will respect you for it when she gets older.

Leigh - posted on 10/13/2010

24

3

2

FIGHT!!! First of all, most men will not take the time to spend money on court costs to fight for custody when majority of the time they will loose, especially when he doesn't pay all child support in the first place. Also, just in case, start making a log of visitations and money, that way you have more information showing how much he doesn't see his child and isn't helping to support her. Also, keep track of all bills to show proof that he can't afford being a full custody parent. Always fight for your child, they are the most important thing. Remember they can't fight!

Jersey - posted on 10/12/2010

9

19

1

dont drop it! fight it. its gonna take alot for him to prove your an unfit mother.

Kayla - posted on 10/11/2010

16

3

1

I say fight because if you drop child support then he might not keep to his word. My baby daddy is the same way. He is order to pay a certain about and won't even pay nothing really but 30-40 dollars a month. I don't trip on him but besides that he is not trying to be responsible for what we made together. I was going to drop the child support so maybe he would quit with all the drama. He doesn't do anything for out son but pay $30-40 a month sometimes so why drop it so he'll not do anything and still bring drama. You two laid down and had this child why should he get a break and not help you? Keep child support even is he is no good.

Marci - posted on 10/11/2010

9

142

0

Fight, dont let a man put that up in ur face, he prob knows you cant afford it or dont want to put that kind of money up and is saying that crap!! HE hasnt been in her life so more than likely he wont push too much himself.

Patricia - posted on 10/10/2010

20

11

3

Fight for what you believe in. Do you really think he will drop the custody case if you drop the support? He has seen your child 3 times in 10 months, that don't sound like a father who wants custody, he just wants to be the one in control. Good luck :-)

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms