Coping when daddy's gone (deceased)

Selena - posted on 03/27/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

4

24

0

I am a recently widowed 31 yr old with a now, 19 mth old little girl. My husband passed away in December. What do other mothers do to keep thier children's daddy's memory alive?

11 Comments

View replies by

Sharon - posted on 04/15/2009

2

7

0

I also am recently widowed I am 42 and have a 7 year daughter. the accident was Jan. 30th 2009. Still hard for us. My daughter is coping well, better than myself, I was so worried about her not understanding the whole picture. But she moves through each day with a smile and a love of life , something I am having trouble with. My little girl will remember her daddy, we talk about him daily and go to the cemetary, keep his friends close, share funny memories, talk about the good stuff. My in-laws both passed within the last 4 years, we started a tradition at Christmas , we bought a red and green balloon and sent them up to heaven for her grandparents, she wished them a Merry Christmas, It was one way for her to keep that memory alive, this year we will be adding another balloon.WE also have a family night on Fridays where my sisters come over and we spend some time together with my daughter and we plan something small to do .

Tracy - posted on 04/13/2009

3

13

0

My 7 year old daughter lost her father when she was only 15 months old.  I felt like I didn't want anything to do with my daughter.  After all, she looked just like him.  He was my first love and I was with him for about 10 years. To top it off, he died on my birthday.  When my daughter turned 2, I started to slowly get rid of his stuff like clothes and shoes.  I made her a scrapbook full of pictures of him.  His family just recently started to try to form a relationship with her, but now they have given me some more pictures and more memories for her.  Within the past couple years I have also put my daughter in counseling just so that she has someone to talk to because she has started asking questions about her father and why he died and what kind of person he was.  She still has a hard time, but I just keep trying to enstill good pictures of him in her head!

Tiffany - posted on 04/13/2009

1

11

0

I am 27 my husband died Jan 23 08 its been very hard but i always tell stories to my son (he is 3) about his father and we go through pic together and if i see kagan my son do something i know my husband did or like i will always tell Kagan about a time Kris may have done that or said that. Thats about it i guess what do you do?

Charlene - posted on 04/13/2009

17

24

2

i had lost my sons dad nearly 2yrs ago now, my son is now 6, and me and his dad wernt together when he died, he didnt have contact with our son after we split up, but he kept harassing me. I went to breavement counselling and took my son to their kids one, this has helped us enormasely!!!!! It helps to open up and meet and talk in a private adults room, and the kids have their room with minders, and they get out their feelings through play! It helps to know u arent alone, and there is others that have been through the same to understand EXACTLY what u r going through!! Amanda listening to what you said im worried now for my son, as he has never met his grandparents on his dads side, we was told they were dead, til the funeral, they didnt come to funeral, but i asked a source if they wanted to meet their grandchild and they refused, so sad, and i keep trying to track them down, but they made their minds up!! I just feel so much for my son, as he never knew his dad, i did but it was all lies, he lied about his WHOLE LIFE, so sad to know i havent got anyone to tell my son stories of when his dad was younger etc etc, and the truth of what he was like!!! as the life i knew was stories!!

Amanda - posted on 04/01/2009

516

15

34

im so sorry to hear this. i lost my dad when i was a month old my mom remarried and i didn't even know about my dad until i was about 5 or 6 i wish my mom hadn't hidden it from me. i would suggest maybe getting a picture of her and her dad and hanging it in her room maybe make a frame with her and make it say "daddy loves you forever" to remind her that her father did love her and he's watching over her. just make sure she knows how much her daddy loved her. also make sure she has contact with her fathers family. my grandparents disowned me when my father died. it makes it hard not being able to talk to anyone who knew a lot about him i always wish i could know more.and making a yearly visit to his grave (at least) to leave flowers can also help. keeping his things for her when shes older is a great idea i have a few things of my fathers even the diamond ring he gave my mom when i was born. your doing everything right just take things one day at a time.

Melissa - posted on 03/29/2009

22

12

4

I can understand your reasoning b ut remember children learn from what they see and hear.  It may help you and her to grieve a little in front of her.  It will help her coping skills later on.

Selena - posted on 03/28/2009

4

24

0

I do grieve, but I try not to do it in front of her. I want her to see a happy mommy, not a sad mommy. She is my everything, she gets me up in the morning (literaly) and she is the reason why I do what I have to do to keep on going..

Melissa - posted on 03/28/2009

22

12

4

It sounds if you are doing all the right things and I think from what you are telling me is she will understand that he loved her and she will in turn love him and you for that.   Have you taken time to grieve, that will help you as well as your daughter...

Selena - posted on 03/27/2009

4

24

0

I also have a box that has tons of his stuff in it. HIs wallet, favorite hat, some stuff that he had written me. Just alot of memories for her to have when she is older.

Selena - posted on 03/27/2009

4

24

0

I do all I can for her. I have pictures, I take pictures of her at his gravesite, we send daddy up kisses everyday. I have pictures everywhere. We talked about daddy everyday. I just feel sometimes that I fall short of his memory. She and I are trying to help others cope thru an organization called, Dads4Life. Here's the website www.dads4life.org she and I have done a video and they have set up an Ella Fund to help others. I am trying to do everything I can to keep her daddy's memory alive, I guess I am the one haveing the tuff time because I know how much he LUVED his little girl.

Melissa - posted on 03/27/2009

22

12

4

I first want to extend my condolences to you and yours.  I will tell you I haven't had that experience; however, when anyone passes and a young child is involved, the best thing to do is allow them to see pictures, videos and talk about the good things that he did and the good memories.  It will make the child feel as if they were involved.  Taking them to the gravesite to plant flowers/plants and attending to them is a good idea too.   For children, especially little ones, the accept the death much quicker than adults and will move on.  That doesn't mean they don't love them.  

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms