Dealing with kids feelings....

Denai - posted on 02/10/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I am a fairly recent single mum. My ex and I split up in July of last year,and my children obviously are suffering from this in different ways. He has very little to do with them on a regular basis,but when he does show up he breezes in unannounced,plays Super Dad by taking them everywhere thats fun,buying them things,etc,and then breezes out again a few days later-not to be seen or heard from for weeks or months on end. My son especially is having a difficult time dealing with this,and I am the one who cops it. So I wonder - does anyone have any tips for dealing with childrens anger/sadness/frustration/resentment etc?

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Talk with them about their feelings but try to be as objective as possible, its so hard. Let them know its okay to have those feelings that its good to talk about them and to do things to make them feel a little better. Its a tough situation but short of getting mr. super dad to grow up thats the best u can do really. just keep an eye that they arent stuffing their emotions cuz thats when ur gonna have the most problems. Demetria Goodrich has it right, be careful around the difficult questions and what gets said about the dad but the most important thing is to listen, a lot of time kids work out a lot of it on their own they just need the reassurance to do do it. and i love the family tradition idea that would definately be worth a try. Best of luck,

Demetria - posted on 02/11/2009

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Quoting Denai:

Dealing with kids feelings....

I am a fairly recent single mum. My ex and I split up in July of last year,and my children obviously are suffering from this in different ways. He has very little to do with them on a regular basis,but when he does show up he breezes in unannounced,plays Super Dad by taking them everywhere thats fun,buying them things,etc,and then breezes out again a few days later-not to be seen or heard from for weeks or months on end. My son especially is having a difficult time dealing with this,and I am the one who cops it. So I wonder - does anyone have any tips for dealing with childrens anger/sadness/frustration/resentment etc?


I have been playing that same game with my x-husband for 7 years.  Only over the phone and through the mail.  I found that if you occupy your kids with a new "family" tradition it will take their pain away slowly but surely.  For example, my son used to sit by the phone waiting for a phone call that never came every weekend so i started to do movie night on every Friday. We also had family day on Saturday where he got to choose what we did.  It is also important to talk to them about their feelings.  You will be surprised at how honest they will be.  Just prepare yourself for the hard questions! My son asked me "Do you love my daddy?" My initial response was no and i had to stop myself from saying it.  Never say anthing negative about him even though he deserves it.  Your kids will appreciate this as they grow older. after I thought about my response i told him "Mommy loves everyone even your daddy.  And we both love you." My ex only calls every so often and promises the world. Then he sends a toy in the mail about once a year.  And never fails to call around x-mas each year to lie about a visit. They will always act this way and make this mess with your kids' brain so we always have to stay a step ahead of them and run defense.  The only good thing about it is that you will always know their move so it will be easy to defend against.  Next time have the kids make a "daddy clause "list! Since he likes to come take them out and buy things, have each child make a list of what they want and have it in hand when super-dad gets there!

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