Ex fiancé and dad to my kids wants to come back

Sophie - posted on 12/19/2017 ( 2 moms have responded )




Hi. I have 4 1/2 year old boy girl twins with my ex fiancé. When they were 2 he had an affair with a woman he works with and told me had fallen I love with her. He has stayed in their lives, he has them every 2nd weekend and if I travel for work they stay with him They adore him and he's a great dad and I reluctantly admit I still love him. The other day when he was dropping them back to me after taking them to the beach ,they both went inside and then he suddenly kissed me, and said he had made a mistake 2 yrs ago and he want us to be together again and be a family again and that he still loves me. He shocked the hell out of me and then left before I could say anything. I love him still but I don't know what to do or if I could ever trust him again


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Carol - posted on 12/21/2017




Move on there are millions more out there don’t waste your time once a cheater always a cheater

Jacklyn - posted on 12/21/2017




Boy girl this is a tough one! I would say, take take time to do the following. Number one, assess your current relationship with him. Do you talk a lot, if so whats communication like- respectful, friendly, etc. Second, is he still with the other woman? If so, do NOT bother getting back with him and let him know his behavior was completely inappropriate/ unacceptable. Thirdly, realize you are NOT a back-up. Fourthly, reflect on your past relationship with him? Was he emotionally available? Did he help you with the kids or were you doing most of the work? Is he only coming back because he is having trouble with the other woman, because if that is the case then that means all he does is bails on relationships when they become hard and that is what he will do with you if you take him back and have trouble in your relationship.

Think about you. You have two beautiful children with him and instead of him being a good man, raising them with you in a home together, working through your relationship when things got hard, he took the cowards and selfish way out by going to another woman, pulling down his pants, and enjoying himself.... over and over and over. While you were there taking care of 2 babies 98% of the time.

I dont care if he has been a good enough dad for the most part, think about how getting back together and the possibility of things not working out the second time around would affect your children, or worse what if you had a third child? Then it would be more children it could affect. He has left you once before, has shown you is selfish in wanting to take care of his needs being met before yours or your children.

I am a single mom and my sons dad dd the same thing. When he came back 1.5 years after our son was born and said the same thing... made a mistake, loves me, wants to have more kids with me and be a family... I told him no. Believe me, a part of me still held on for that family and wanting to start over, but I also knew that I could not trust him, and I reflected back on all the nights I cried myself to sleep feeling abandoned, replaced, like yesterdays leftovers. I remembered all the nights and days I was up taking care of our son while he was out enjoying himself. I remembered all the nights he did not come home to tuck in our kid and how our child now had to go between homes.

I realized that I also had to respect myself and know that while others make mistakes, if I took him back it would be saying to him that it was okay to cheat on me, leave me and our kids, cuz as long as he came back, gave me a kiss and said sorry, I would take him back... NO! Absolutely not. It will take much more than that.

What I am saying is that if you decide to take him back, he has to work for it. No other woman, no sex, couples counseling for at least 6 months, complete responsibility on his part for all he did- he has to own all of it, the affair, the lies, the abandonment, etc.

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