Ex is now sorry after years of hurt,should I believe him?

Natasha - posted on 02/13/2009 ( 27 moms have responded )

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Hi everyone! I'm just looking for advice on how to handle my daughter's father after us being together on and off several years he left and dumped m when my daughter was a year and a half and told me he wasn't ready to have a family with me. Mind you we were engaged, he was also helping raise my son from a previous relationship. He comes and goes as he pleases and offers child support when he feels like it. So, several months ago i decided to just file for child support, he received a call from them and has been calling me to tell me that he is so sorry for the past and how he treated me, cheating,lying,no support verbal and emotional abuse. I don't know what to do about him.My mom tells me I should drop the child support issue because he's being nicer.Am I a fool to do that?

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Katie - posted on 03/03/2009

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don't drop it because if he had changed then you asking for his support wouldn't be an issue for him. Let him be nicer but that doesn't mean that he shouldn't be accountable for the needs of his children. You need his support regardless of wether he is changed or not. So just stay strong...don't let him manipulate you.

User - posted on 02/27/2009

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Natasha, stay strong and do not drop the child support issue even IF he has changed and is being nicer. You need to put the needs of your daughter first. It doesn't sound like your mom is the best person to listen to!

Tricia - posted on 02/26/2009

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Nope!!! Do not take him back and Do NOT drop the child support. He will resort back to his old self and then you will have to go file again.. I kicked my husband out and told him the grass is not greener on the other side and he wouldn't listen. He had been wanting to come back and I would get emails from him. But hello he was living with someone else. Obviously he hadn't changed and if he did he wouldn't have been emailing me. He won't change, they just act nice to get what they want and then BOOM once they do it happens all over again and then you feel stuck again.

Crystal - posted on 02/24/2009

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Keep it court ordered, since he will be nice anyway now that he's sorry and changed right? If he doesn't keep nice, he will still be paying and well that's nice enough for you to move on with you life....

Chrisi - posted on 02/17/2009

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Don't stop the Child Support as that is the only reason he is being nice to you ..My ex has done the same to me previously...



Do you really think he will stop cheating n lying if you take him back .. Don't take him back for the kids as it wont  work the kids don't need to see all the drama that comes with men being nice for what the want or they can get .. U have to be the strong one here & think of your kids .. They have been stressed out with all that happens from a break-up & it only gets harder if you get back together & it not work ..

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yes, dont be a fool girl!! You know he is back in your life so you will drop the c/s innolvement but dont because it is a trap. Look at his track record. You cant trust him. Follow your instictsm you have them and think about your kids needs. That money will be needed for your children!!

Patrice - posted on 03/08/2009

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DO NOT DROP THE CHILD SUPPORT AT ALL. CHILD SUPPORT DOES NOT DEFINE WHO YOU ARE OR HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THE SITUATION IT IS FOR YOUR CHILDREN! Don't do it plz I have seen this backfire on so many people. Did you ever think why all of a sudden he is calling you after he has been contacted by child support services. You get what you are suppose to for the sake of your children. When it comes to forgiving him YES forgive him remember forgiveness is not for the other person it's for you so you can be free. But don't allow hi to get in your head and make you think that he's coming around to being the nice guy..HELL NAW ONCE A LOOSER ALWAYS A LOOSER!

Liza - posted on 03/08/2009

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i understand how you feel, i put my daughters father on child support about 6 months after we split up, that was about 4 years ago.  as soon as child support was enforced her father stopped working, and has not worked since.  i did not receive any child support from him for 4 years.  he came arond when he had time (about every 6 months for a week or so ) we did not have a good friendship.  in the summer of 08 i decided that i was tired of the fights and agurments with him and i finally excepted him as he was.  i know he was not going to pay child support and i knew he was not the best father to his daughter, but i also knew that no matter what my daughter has love for him and wanted him in her live.  not all the time but at times she did want see and talk to her father.  so him and i tired to work something out.  , about 3 months went by and he was still around (about to have a baby with someone else still not working ) i told him i would take him off child support if he was willing to pay me $100 less then what child support as asking.  he agreed (of cousre) and we went down and cancelled child support.  but i wrote up a letter stating what our mutal agreement would be and how it would work.  that i would take legal action if he did not live up to the agrement. we went to a notoriy, and he gave me the money we talked about.  it has been almost  year and he has lived up to his work.  so if you do take him off child support get something in writting.  but yes he could be just being nice to you to get off child support.  make sure you know and think about all the things that could happen before you take him off. i did because i knew no matter what i had taken care of her for 4 years on my own so if he didn't live up to his word, i know her and i would be ok.   just think what is going to be best for your kids and you.  my daughter father and i have a good relationship now but there are still things i don't trust him with and never will. 

Natasha - posted on 03/08/2009

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You were all right. Heisn't and never will be sorry because now my ex is taking me to court for a paternity test for my daughter who is six years old. After he gets the order for child support he wants to try to get out of it even though she is his biological child.

Dawn - posted on 03/04/2009

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Don't trust him..My ex left my 4 year and I..My son is now turnin' 12 years old..He father is never really into his life.I started Datin' a wonderful Man and now he the father whats in. My thing to you is he don't want to pay for Child support if it goes from the court.He feels like he want to pay when he want to..Not when he should..He's an Ex for a reason.Let him see the kid but, say no for anything else with him..He playin' on your feels.Don't let him..

Maxine - posted on 03/04/2009

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Do NOT drop the issue with child support, my daughters father left us when she was 18 months old, he never had any contact or paid a penny. CSA finally caught up with him when she was 10, and they then made him pay. Then he then wanted contact with her, introduced her to his new wife and new 5 year old daughter, met her a couple of times and things were going reasonably well. So then he asked if we could cut out the CSA and do a mutual agreement, which i stupidly done. Once this was sorted, he left us high and dry again. Back to square one again, with him no where to be seen.

Victoria - posted on 03/04/2009

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My ex doesn't pay child support like he's been court ordered to. He's already been to jail once because of it. And of course it's my fault that happened not his. GRRR Anyways he has been really nice to me lately and telling me that he loves me and stuff. He asked if we can try it out again. Then he made the mistake telling me that if we were together then I need to drop the child support issue. Only reason he's acting nice. Don't drop the issue!! Him being nice isn't paying bills for your daughter.

Jen - posted on 02/24/2009

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hell no don't drop it. He doing it  due to he know your weak . if you  drop it he going to go backward and not pay you a cent . and you back where u started . he got to learn you didn't make this child on your own he help and due to he walk out  he going to support it with money. he better step up and help raise it  but don't drop it

Jodie - posted on 02/20/2009

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Dont drop it, if he keeps changing his mind, its about time that he is made responsible for his actions!!! He has treated you this away make him stand up and take responsibility!!! Dont stand down cos then he will know that he's got you again, he is only being nice because he does not like the fact that you filed for support and thinks that being nice to you will make you cancel it

Natasha - posted on 02/17/2009

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Thank you and you know the strange thing is I thought I needed him in our lives but do you know how many smiles my children and I smile when he's not around? Billions. Much Love an Blessings.

Natasha - posted on 02/17/2009

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I know the truth and he's not sorry because if he was he wouldn't continue to hurt me and my kids.Thank you everyone. Many blessings. I just need to move on and be the good mom I know I am.

Janay - posted on 02/16/2009

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He may be truly sorry now because ypu have filed for child support. It doesn't mean that he has changed. Be careful with your decision. I am finally free fom the up and down of my 12year relationship and 7yrs of marriage with my childrens father. I realized that no matter how sorry he was, he wasn't going to change.

Janay - posted on 02/16/2009

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Quoting Natasha:

Ex is now sorry after years of hurt,should I believe him?

Hi everyone! I'm just looking for advice on how to handle my daughter's father after us being together on and off several years he left and dumped m when my daughter was a year and a half and told me he wasn't ready to have a family with me. Mind you we were engaged, he was also helping raise my son from a previous relationship. He comes and goes as he pleases and offers child support when he feels like it. So, several months ago i decided to just file for child support, he received a call from them and has been calling me to tell me that he is so sorry for the past and how he treated me, cheating,lying,no support verbal and emotional abuse. I don't know what to do about him.My mom tells me I should drop the child support issue because he's being nicer.Am I a fool to do that?


 

Spider - posted on 02/16/2009

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I agree wiht all the posts. It seems that he was only appologetic after he received the child support order. Ithink he is just trying to make you feel better about the two of you as a way to get out of paying mandatory child support. If he trully is sorry he will continue to be nice aside from the child support. And I understand why your mom might want you to drop the order because she wants what every mother wants, to see her daughter and the father of her children togehter raising those children. But times are different and if he can't be there for you I am sure that you will eventually find someone who will be there for you and your children on all levels.

Tina - posted on 02/16/2009

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I have five children to my ex husband, he is not the same man i had the first four children with. It is difficult to not be caught up with an ex because you want to believe they still are that good person. It is great he is sorry but, if the only reason he is sorry is so you dont seek child support that is a very manipulative reason. Dont you and your children deserve better why should he be exempt from contributing to raising your child are you wealthy and dont need the money???? I have learnt alot about myself during this time and i am sure you have you know what you need to do to support yourself and your children some people call it gut instinct and others call it a womens intuition. You should always be number one because you teach your children what is acceptable from a partner. Your children look so happy and have so much love from you as their mother you cannot control what others do but you can choose to love yourself enough to treat your self well. Sending you love and light to you and your family xxxx

Natasha - posted on 02/15/2009

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Thank you everybody I feel much better. I know that he will still be the same and I can't fall for it.

Tiffany - posted on 02/14/2009

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Please don't drop it I know for a fact I have a brother who used to play that game with his baby mom and as soon as she gives in and drops it he is back to acting like and a hole again. So do not do it.

Debbie - posted on 02/14/2009

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Natasha, whatever you do, do NOT drop the support.  Think of your children not your ex.  He is sorry now because he has to pay, that's all.  Don\t fall into his trap and what is your mom thinking?  My ex caused much grief to both my daughter and I for yrs even after yrs of separation;  I was scared of him for a long time but still went after him for support, now he has no choice and I have the last laugh.  Been on my own for over 10 yrs now, my daughter is almost 13 and still have financial issues.  Be strong!

Valerie - posted on 02/14/2009

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Well I can tell you my situation was pretty similar to yours and when I filed for child support he backlashed with a custody suit. So you should be ready for him to come back with some form of relatiation. If I were you I would not ever go backi with him think about it, if he verbally and emoutionaly abuses you it is only a matter of time before he starts to do it to your children. As for the child support if you need the money to survive then you have to do what you have to do, but if not I would say to just forget about it so as to not cause a another suit.

Dominique - posted on 02/13/2009

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You technically answered your own question, he only started those phone calls and behavior changes when he saw that it was going to be coming out his pocket weather he like it or not. I would not drop it if he wasn't doing it right the first time then he is not going to do it right if you drop it.

Demetria - posted on 02/13/2009

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Hell yes you are a fool if you do that. Child support is for the child. It's not a negotiable tool to hang over someones head in order to have a good or bad relationship with them. Child support has nothing to do with your relationship with him. Its something that comes along with a child and should be mandatory if you ask me so men can drop the whole stigma that comes along with having it filed on them. No one buys a car (or makes any other bills) with out paying for it and putting gas in it so why do men help make babies and expect to not pay for them? Whether they are with the mother or not it is still an obligation to the child. Tell your mom ( respectfully) that the olden days are over. We aren't loyal women who sweep things under the rug in hopes of staying with our men. We report abuse, demand respect, work our own jobs, and file child support!

Deanna - posted on 02/13/2009

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Do not drop the child support issue! You keep after him regardless of how he's treating you. After all a leopard doesn't change his spots. Just cause he's being nice doesn't mean he won't go back to being a jerk once the issue is dropped. That's probably why he's being nice to you cause you asked for support. He figures if he's nice to you then you'll drop the support issue and then he has nothing more to worry about.

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