Getting child support modified / is this fair?

Amanda - posted on 08/15/2012 ( 92 moms have responded )

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I am a stay at home mom so I do not have any other income besides child support, which I get for my son. My ex is an engineer makes a lot of money; his salary is $204,000 a year and he gives me $3,900 a month for support. Where I leave it is pretty expensive (my rent alone is $1,000) and I told him I we needed more and I was going to take him back to court and get the custody agreement modified. He told him that he doesn't think that is fair as he already pays more than the court ordered amount and instead he would pay for daycare as well but for any additional expenses he will only pay if I give him a receipt as proof that it is just for my son. Which I don't think it is fair that I have to get approval from him.



Have any of you had any luck going back to court and getting the custody and child support amount modified? I being reasonable for wanting him to contributing his fair share for my son?

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Jocelyn - posted on 08/18/2012

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You should not ask a question on any forum if you are not prepared to accept the answer. It is unanimous that your request is unfair. That is the answer you sought to your question. The next step is to evaluate your lifestyle and question yourself. How can you adjust your lifestyle and spending choices and become a more grateful and frugal human being?

Jennylynn - posted on 03/27/2013

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you should go out and get a job. be happy that you are getting way more thin what a court would have him pay. if you push the issue at hand, you will most like have to pay him back money or lose child support. done kick a gift hours in the mouth girl! i know a lot of women who wish they got even 300 a month! i know i am one of them.
As for him asking fore proof that any extra many he pays is going fore the child. i think it is only fair that you give it to him. child support is just that. it is not meant to pay your way in life but his fair share in caring fore his son's needs not yours. get a job and support yourself dont rely on your ex to do it all.

Roxanna - posted on 08/26/2012

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Hmmm...two days since the last post and no response from Amanda...pouting I suppose, which could be relieved by shop therapy.

Girl please! My ex pays a third of what he should be paying, I worked two jobs and was able to save enough money to buy a house and get a 15 yr mortgage. I now work part time because I WANT to, even though my second husband makes more than enough to support me and my two girls. But I pay for the girls clothes and school supplies, they are MY girls and MY responsibility. If my oldest doesn't get help from her Dad for College, I will take him to court for the difference he owes, but that is for HER expenses.

And you know what? I married him for love, he was a good, honest and hardworking man. Unfortunately, we couldn't get along and we divorced. What he provided in child support was not even the amount required by law, yet I accepted it to get away from him. Fourteen years later I have decided to proceed to challenge the child support and I stand to receive 2/3 of what he pays now. It was with a heavy heart that I make the decision, not because of fear of him, but because we have enjoyed a good relationship for years.

Your ex pays about 18% percent of his income. Child support is for HIS share of the expenses...rent, utilities, food, entertainment, clothes and health related expenses. Get a job and grow up!

Coralynn - posted on 04/24/2013

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thats very fair!! wow, hes even paying more then asked by the court then thats very fair. you should get a job yourself and be happy with what he gives you because that is more than enough child support a month! crazy; if you think you need more then your just being selfish!

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Jessica - posted on 02/08/2014

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i have to write something again after reading responses that she has made. not only do you get weekends off (which i havent had in soooo long) but you have a maid and you want to put your son in day care???? why would you even need a maid or day care you aren't doing anything. and the only reason you would get a minimum wage job if you went to work is because you have no education, you have no one but yourself to blame for that. Im 22 and have twins and raise them by myself. hardly any breaks and i go to school full time. Grow up!

Jessica - posted on 02/08/2014

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i think youre being a little greedy. i live in nyc my rent is 1100 and i get $48 dollars a month. you get enough.

Chet - posted on 02/07/2014

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I'm not clear on why you need so much money to provide a "good life" for your son. We are a family of six living in a major urban centre and paying a mortgage, and we live less than $3900 a month. Your rent was less than 30% of the $3900, so it's not expensive.

No matter how much money you're getting now I hope you're teaching your son to work hard, and that material goods are not what really matters in life.

Amanda - posted on 02/06/2014

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Well I had to fight for over a year but I just got notice today that he is being ordered to pay more so I can actually provide a good life for my son.

Alexandra - posted on 01/26/2014

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My ex was given child support garnishing order to give his employer which he didn't do that . He said it's better if he does online... I didn't like the sound of that ... What is your view on this????

Melissa - posted on 05/08/2013

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You are not a single mother. You are a divorced mother. There is a difference. The father of your child is financially supporting his child, wants visitation, and is involved. A single mother gets none of those luxuries, and is doing it on her own. BIG DIFFERENCE.

It's not "popular to side with the father from the outside." You just don't like an honest assessment of your situation from people who don't know anything but the facts you put forth.

Separating your son from his father to get more money, to prove a point, to hurt your ex is something called Parental Alienation. I suggest you do some research on the damage you're doing to your child, get into co-parenting counseling, and take steps to work together as a team to raise that child, and show him that you can be mature. If you tell your son you hate his father, that his father is X or Y, you are telling your son that you hate half of who he is.

Mandy - posted on 05/08/2013

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This post honestly made me sick as a single mother two. You need to grow up. I teach and tutor on the nights I don't have my kids. I still am
Struggling to make it and you sit at home and collect more than I earn. Really????? Take a good look in the mirror!!!!!

Melissa - posted on 05/07/2013

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Child support is just that. Money meant for you to spend on needs for your son, not supporting you AND your son. You're very lucky he's paying more than the court orders, and I wouldn't complain, if I were you. Get a job, and give your son another role model to look up to.

Sandra - posted on 10/01/2012

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I have always been lucky as far as child support goes. My ex has never missed a payment. My child support has always paid for our basic needs. Rent, utilities, and food. I have always worked to pay for the extras vacations, eating out, new toys and clothes, etc.



I have been able to run my own business or work for myself from home due to the child support. This allowed me to home school my children when it became necessary. It also allowed me to return to school to finish my degree.



I feel like their father should provide enough support that their standard of living is comparable to what it was. However, I have never felt like I should get to sit home indefinitely and be able to have all of the money that I want handed to me. I thought my support was high yet I don't receive nearly as much as you do and we have four children.



I have friends that receive child support only a few times a year. Usually through the dad's income taxes. So you are lucky. You need to make some grown up decisions. Do you go to work and have more money or do you continue to stay home with your child and scale back your lifestyle? You receive more in child support a year than the median income for a family of four! If you wanted his income at your disposal maybe you should have stayed with him?

Bridgette - posted on 09/30/2012

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wow! I'm not going to lie, I was all prepared with a different response due to the headline of your post. Are you serious!?!?!? There are plenty of us who have to work multiple jobs as a single mom and don't make anything in child support. Sorry, but you seriously need to look in the mirror and be thankful for your life!!

Suzanne - posted on 09/24/2012

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Wow! Your one selfish,self-centered person..your ex husband is not responsible for supporting you..only his kid until she.he is 18...your damn lucky to have been getting as much as you have been....Grow up and get a life instead of living off your kids income! Thats the problem with you greedy exs...you always say its for the child that you need,need but really and truly its all about you and your selfish needs....get out get a job or find a new sucker to support you as it looks like your good at...I think your ex husband has payed his dues over and beyond! GET REAL!!!

Daniele - posted on 08/24/2012

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I have to agree with Amy. Damn, You are very LUCKY..... And what are you going to do when your son is 18?? You guys should have just stay together. It would have been cheaper for him. Wow i cant even believe it. I have been doing it by my self for 16 years and I will tell you I would not have it any dirffernt. I love my kids I have 4 and then know I am very strong.. And I did everything for them. I have time for myself and do sports for and with them. I am on the PTA and still have Girls night out. So if I can do I know anybody can.. Its just so SAD......

Suzie - posted on 08/24/2012

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Well, Amanda... I guess I am just curious. You have had a lot of ladies weigh in on your situation. What did you decide to do? Did you appreciate any of the advice or experiences shared with you?



I think everybody is interested in knowing how you have decided to handle this situation.

Darlene - posted on 08/24/2012

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Oh my!!! Whats going to happen when your son turns 18??? Child support is cut off, thats what. Then, after all those years sitting on your behind, you will have nothing. Your son will move out, child support is gone, and your left with no money, no skills..... You will end up cleaning floors at Walmart. Good luck!

Amy - posted on 08/20/2012

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OMG...all I can do is shake my head in disbelief. Child support is for theCHILD. That means to HELP you get what your child needs. Not pay 100% of your bills. You need to get a job and do your part for your child. If rent is to high then move to somewhere cheaper. Maybe your ex will realize it will be cheaper to raise his child on his owe. Most single mother's I know feel blessed if they get ANY child support. Be appreciative of what you have and if you don't like things get off your bottom and change it. I really feel sorry for your ex and your child. Cuz if he goes without its your fault. You should not be using child support to feed yourself or for anything to do for you. You are taking away from your child. And that is shameful. You girl need to grow up. My daughter is almost 15 and I have raised her on my own with NO child support. Until now that my wonderful new hubby adopted her and loves her as her own. I would love to hear what the judge would say to you. The judge here would chew you up and laugh at you and make you get a job....and one more thing......OMG LOL!!!!!!! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING A HOUSEKEEPER!!!!!!! you truly are a character and a LAZY CHILD.

Mary - posted on 08/20/2012

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I just looked up the exchange rate for you Beverley Penman and the difference it would be would be 2,482.74 in pounds. Still quite a bit of CHILD support.

Beverley - posted on 08/20/2012

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i dont know what the exchange rate is from us dollars to british sterling but that sounds like a good amount of maintenance i get £5 a week from my sons father and i feel your ex is being very fair with you you just need to sit down and budget here in the uk i survive on about £300 a month i sacrifice luxuries i budget and count every penny so i think you get adequate money myself others are not as fortunate

Michele - posted on 08/20/2012

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I am living w my mother, no car, was stay at home mom and still no job, no insurance, receive food stamps $460/month and only receive $500/month in child support for 2 children - father makes nearly $300k/yr...u should feel blessed...

Amanda - posted on 08/19/2012

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I think she should take him to court and when the judge discovers he pays even a cent more than the 25% required maybe she will get a well deserved reduction in support. Since when she laid down and got pregnant she became LEGALLY 50% responsible for the FINANCIAL support of her child as well as her Ex husband.... I hope this GREEDY woman gets EXACTLY what she deserves...

Dehra - posted on 08/19/2012

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Why do you have a housekeeper for if you don't work? How old are you ? Your just lazy! This is the most childish thing I've ever heard in my life! You sound like a kid to me....you sound like my 14 y.o. you think your suppose to have this luxurious life and not work for it bottom line..get a job and be a good example to your son show him that women can be strong individuals and not live off a man.

Crystal - posted on 08/19/2012

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Wow as I've read on i can't believe what you've said how very selfish of you

Crystal - posted on 08/19/2012

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I get $170 a month from my childs father so you should count yourself lucky n considering u can afford a housekeeper i don't think u would have much luck with a judge. Be grateful for what you have and ur child doesn't need money to keep up a certain lifestyle to keep him happy. The best things in life are free.

[deleted account]

I am not a single mom so you may not think I have a say, but I have been around plenty. I have seen them drag their sorry ass ex's off to court to try to get just a couple hundred buck a month and here you are bitching about almost $4000. My cousin's ex husband quit his job when they started taking child support for his 3 kids directly out of his pay check.
Child support is the amount of money that a court orders a parent or both parents to pay every month to help pay for the support of the CHILD (or children) and the CHILD'S living expenses.
Your ex is paying more than his fair share for what his son needs. You should be using that money for his clothes, food, medical bills (if needed), maybe using some of it towards rent, little gifts here and there, and saving some every month for a college fund. If you need more money for you then YOU need to make YOUR OWN money. Or you need to get used to living a whole different kind of life style.
I am a married stay at home mom, but even I don't get to live a fabulous life style. I don't have a house keeper and do shop at WAL-MART and even that doesn't guarantee that we will have a lot of extra money at the end of the month.
I understand about not wanting to have strangers watch you son. I am not a huge fan of day cares myself, but I have a whole other reason for not putting at least one of my children in day care so I could get a job. My middle child has autism so we can't just drop him off at any ole day care. It would have had to be special and that means more money. However, if my husband and I did split up I wouldn't expect him to keep supporting me. I would do what I had to and get a job.
Bottom line, get over yourself and get a job and think about changing your life style.

[deleted account]

Certainly regardless of what you decide to do - go to court to try and get some more money or not is up to you, especially when taking legal advice. Simply boils down to - what are your chances of getting an increase and secondly are you prepared to potentially have a reduction in your income.

Have a long hard think about it, talk to your ex to see what he is prepared to pay (or not) and also what you're prepared to do to increase the household income. Certainly there is nothing wrong with have a job. There are many women who are in very high paid jobs and have families themselves. Good example of someone who was/is a single parent, started off struggling with money and now is very wealthy - J.K. Rowling. There are lots of other women who have respectable jobs and cope with being parents as well.

Look at your options and also work towards your future. You need to be thinking about how you are going to support yourself financially once your son has grown up, left home and your ex is no longer paying you child support.

Also you need to trust/get used to the idea of your son being left with people you don't know very well/at all. I'm not talking complete strangers on the roadside - but in a safe environment like school, playgroups, Scouting type groups. It will do both him and you a world of good. Also it'll help develop his skills, knowledge and interests to be a well rounded adult.

[deleted account]

Amanda, I think both you and your son need to take baby steps to making some changes in your life.

You do get a lot of financial support from your ex. It is now worth seeing what changes you can do to keep to the lifestyle that you are currently enjoying, with a view that it may change over the future years. Hopefully your ex will be in his job until he retires, but you also need to come up with a 'what if' plan.

For your self esteem/confidence it could be worth looking at doing a part time job to begin with. That way it provides with with a second income and also gives you an extra break from your son. Also by working, it also means that you've got a better reason to justify asking for potentially extra help from your ex for daycare (though doesn't mean that he is obliged to pay).

Housekeeper - how much are you relying on her? (I'm just leaving that question open for you to answer).

Shopping - OK you don't want to shop at Walmart, but it's worth looking around to seeing what other shops that are prepared to shop at, that cost less than the shops that you currently go to. Shop wise and you're money will go further. Worth looking at budget setting and putting money left over into a bank account so that you have something to fall back on.

Son - don't feel that you are obliged to say yes to him every time he says he wants something. Ask yourself does he want it or need it. If he needs it then it's a yes, if he just wants it because he likes the advert/his mate's got it then it's a no unless he can give a good reason for it and has earnt the right to have it (good behaviour, tidying toys away etc).

In your son's eyes you also need to show him that you are taking on the adult responsibilities in his life apart from the main person who has him most of the week. The saying comes to mind:
“Children will not remember you for the material things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them.”
It applies to whatever home you come from. Assess what you do for your son, set him some good examples/role model. His Dad is showing him that getting good qualifications/jobs can provide a good lifestyle to live. You - what are you going to show him. Start off by making sure that your time with him is good quality time. Could be something as simple as making cupcakes and decorating them, doing activities that are low cost/free of charge. You could do some cooking with him so that it encourages him to learn more life skills that are important when he grows up and leaves.

Other questions that you need to ask yourself - what are you prepared to change in your life for your son. Does this include having a smaller house to run and perhaps not having a housekeeper. Increasing what you do with your son on a daily/weekly basis (not all of them have to be the latest trend or about the amount it costs).

Most important question - you need to plan what to do for when the child support runs out, it will not go on after your son has grown up. Plan what you're going to do to make sure that you have an income of your own. Once your son has grown up, then your ex will be under no obligation to financially support you unless there was something in your divorce agreement.

I don't get any financial support from my ex and on state benefit, but I'm trying to get back to work. My girls have seen me going on courses locally and also doing voluntary work, to help me get back to paid work. My ex is refusing to pay at the moment as he doesn't see my girls (his 'excuse'), though he's obligied (legally and morally) to pay it.

The trusting stangers bit - you need to show your son which strangers are OK to deal/talk with, but taking into account stranger danger. He'll always be meeting strangers as he grows up and it's a skill that he needs to learn/develop - which you talk to and which you don't.

Candice - posted on 08/18/2012

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Please that's a bunch of garbage to complain about time spent how can he work to support you and be with the child 7 days a week. Girl your selfish and petty and your greed will get you no where. Grow up little girl. Honestly I feel sorry for you your child and applaud ur ex for being the ex and a great father!

Candice - posted on 08/18/2012

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Honestly if I were you I would thank God for the amount your getting because I get $344.00 per month for two kids and that's not enough to do anything but feed them and he want give me a quarter more. Your getting more than enough to support that child and yourself if not then its time for you to support the child too. I'm just saying.

Bekah - posted on 08/17/2012

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As Mary said - The judge could actually ORDER you to get a job. I have seen them do it to moms before.

Mary - posted on 08/17/2012

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I am a single mom of 3. You know what i get a month. $50. I would be in Heaven with $3900 a month. I barely get over that much in a month working as a nurse. Your lucky. Why in the hell would you need a house keeper. Your a stay at home mom. Why can't you clean yourself while your kid is off with dad. Know what i would call that plain lasy. He could easly pay what court order. Plus if you do tale him back the court will only tell him not to pay you that much and for your ass to get a job. Judge may also say he has shared custody and not pay you a dime. Just cut back especially the housekeeper. Get a job like selling avon or something like that.

Michelle - posted on 08/17/2012

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This makes me lol! If you aren't a troll, you need a reality SLAP! That is double what I make and my child support combined.good luck honey. We'd hate for you to have to work or let your house keeper go. Bah!

Dehra - posted on 08/17/2012

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You need to get a job....I wish I could get what your getting in child support.my ex has not paid child support on time ever I am married now so I'm not really worried about the money my husband and I make a very good living together we average with over time about 100k a year.But when I was a single mother I made 50k yr living in wash. D.C. that ain't no money and he did not help me with her at all...I struggled for 10 years by myself, I. Had a court order for him but he would never pay. My point is things could be much worst.you need to be thankful for what you gettin or get a job to make up for what your not getting

Amanda - posted on 08/17/2012

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This is just mind blowing. The nerve of some people. I get 260 a month in child support, and thats if i even get it. 3900 is about 3.5 times all of my monthly bills. I'm gonna pray tonight that he takes you to court for custody of that poor child and that he wins. Then you'll be out on your own and having to actually support yourself and that child could learn what its like to actually work for something and to be a productive part of society,

Mary - posted on 08/17/2012

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No we don't sleep with sperm donors. Maybe instead of teaching your son how to be lazy to get what he wants maybe you should grow up and get a job and teach him that he has to work for what he wants. Get rid of your house keeper and teach your son how to clean and have a game with your son on who can clean a room faster. One you will be teaching him how to take care of himself and his things, two you will have taught him not to be selfish and three you will also have run a lot of the energy out of him. There are a lot of things out there that you can do with your son that doesn't cost any money at all. Right now all I'm hearing is you bringing up a spoiled selfish little brat who wants everything for himself. You may have to get a job at Walmart or McDonalds to help support your son. Your ex doesn't have to pay all that. If you do take him to court you may wind up losing a lot and I think that needs to happen. Yes I get support from my ex but he also refuses to help out any extra. Find yourself lucky that your ex is helping out with the extra. If he has offered to help out with daycare I'd take him up on it. There are a lot of daycare's out there that take care of kids well. Maybe you could also find a friend or family member to help out. Stop making excuses and get a job to support yourself. There may be one day that your ex won't be able to help out and then what are you going to do. I think that your ex does need to have itimized list of where that money is going and that would be starting now with what you do have. Sorry, but your not going to get any support from many of the moms on here. Most of us work to support our children which is what we are suppose to do. It's called loving our children and teaching them that they can't have everything they want. That will cause trouble in the future for him and you, and you will be the one to blame.

Lacye - posted on 08/17/2012

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I'm not a single mom but I accidently came across this post while looking through this site (the whole suggestion thing that pops up at the bottom).

I cannot believe what I am hearing. Honey have you lost your mind? Your ex owes you nothing. What exactly are you going to do when your son becomes an adult and your ex doesn't have to pay you child support anymore? Because let's face it, if you keep having this "me me me" attitude, there is not a man in this world that is going to want to put up with you. You need to firstly, fire your housekeeper. You don't need her. If you plan on keeping her, then you need to get off your butt and get a job. My husband has to pay child support to his ex and let's get real here, she gets no where near what you get. You also need to go look up what child support actually is. Child support is not supposed to pay for everything. It is for necessities for the CHILD. Not you. From the sounds of it, your ex is going to great lengths to be accommodating with you. You are the one that is being difficult, childish, and completely unfair. You are pretty much acting like a spoiled brat.

Oh and I dare you to take this to court. The judge is going to laugh you out of the court room. Let us know when it's going to be so some of the women can bring some popcorn to have some entertainment after the judge chews you out. You think the women on here are being unfair to you by what they are saying? A judge is going to be ten times worse.

Mary - posted on 08/17/2012

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I don't think that you are being fair at all. If you have to move to a cheaper housing. I'm sure you can find something less expensive. $3900 is more than enough to support your son. If it's not there's something wrong. You are getting more than 3 times the amount that I get for my 3 kids. I struggle and I work full time. Any judge would tell you that you are getting more than enough to take care of 1 child. If you can't than go out and get a job. I'm sorry but in your case you need to take a class on managing money. Good luck to you and your son.

Ioana - posted on 08/17/2012

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Dear Ladies,

I will put my two cents here because I see that you are all heated up and feeling righteous, each in their own corner.. And calling names, something that never helps, in my humble opinion..

So I want to plead for a cooler approach. In my opinion, which I will try to state as neutral as possible, there is no need for you all to call Amanda anything, and there is no need for Amanda to call you anything or to defend her position. Please remain ladies, if possible. We all probably come from very different backgrounds and that is the beauty of this kind of Internet groups, that they provide such a big range of possible reactions

Amanda, you asked for our opinion. And you get tomatoes on your face. Not so nice. To answer to your initial question, it is difficult to say if your desire is reasonable.. Define reasonable and you see what this group is reacting to. If reasonable is what is seen as "normal" in society, than no, your wish to get more from your ex is not reasonable by this standard. On the other hand, it totally depends on the laws of where you live and eventually on your lawyer. If your lawyer says you could get more money, maybe it is so, maybe he just says that because that is what you want to hear. Maybe get a second opinion? I do not know if that is possible in your case. Laws are different everywhere and you should check that out. I personally live in a country in Europe where if a single mother wants child support from an ex, than she should take him to court. So your case would be happy super duper happy here.

If your ex says that he pays more than he is supposed to, maybe check if he is right.

That said, I personally am amazed at the whole story from two points of view: that he is so young and he makes so much money and that you say you married very young and that you did not want to choose a looser.. Well, I must say, I am amazed at how well you could choose at such a young age, if that was your criteria.. I chose what I though was love and ended up with indeed a loser, and I was more than twice your supposed age! If you did not want to choose a loser, well, you did that quite right, you chose a guy that not only is able to provide sufficiently, but as I understand from your story, he provides for you good money even while divorced.

So now back to your question, is your desire for more money reasonable? Legally it does not seem like that, and the money he provides seem a lot by the standards of all the moms that answered here. I suppose there are not many very rich moms that hang in here, I suppose we (cause I am one of these moms) are all having to make the ends meet and we are proud to support ourselves and not depend on our exes. Proud to work and provide for our children and believing that working like hell is the only answer, as showing to our kids that work is holly. I happen to question this vision a lot lately so I understand what you say, that you want to be a stay at home mom. In a perfect world, that would have to be possible. In this world where we live right now, your situation is by many standards perfect. I and all the other moms that answered before me could only dream of such a situation. From such a money you can live a good life. There were a lot of ideas here that you could use if you read between the lines, on how to manage your money better. But that was not your question..

So my answers to your question: I never heard of anybody that got anything like this money from their ex, let alone that they went to court and got more. But if you can get more, just do that. Do not ask anybody if it is reasonable. Reasonable is just relative. A lot of mothers here said "you are just like my friend's/man's ex".. That is called projection.. We do not know how Amanda is, maybe she is not like that. Ok, she made some remarks that are also projections and seem like "value" judgments.. But bottom line is, nobody here "knows" her, as I do not. If you are frustrated with your man's ex, it does not help very much to take it on mothers you do not know but think you know, on a forum..

Amanda, your situation seems unreal to me. Nevertheless, I cannot, do not want and will not judge you and I think that is the idea behind the Circle of moms. I just want to say: what you have is a good situation and be aware that it is possible to lose it and than you should have some other possibilities. What your ex is paying is by many standards very much and maybe it's a good idea to start evaluating your options for the future. Maybe it is possible that he will pay more. I do not know. But if this money (which seems a huge amount to me, too) seems not to be enough,' maybe you could look into money management, like someone else suggested. I hate to make budgets so I understand you. But be aware of other possibilities. Be aware of the possibility that one day, in a undetermined future, you may need to make this money yourself.. What are your talents?

..And I just want to add: in a perfect world I would also want to be a single stay at home mom. There are a lot of beautiful things you can do with your child and teach him, or let him learn himself, without showing him that you as a mom, sacrificed yourself. Please let us see this possibility. Let us consderi the possibility that a child can grow beautifully without having to be in school or without having to miss his mom to a job, without having to be raised by the school or daycare. Let us leave this possibility open. Main stream is, luckily for all of us, not compulsory. We are all unique on our path and we all have our own instincts. If Amanda's instincts manifes like they do, let us try to respect that, even if we personally are struggling with shortage of money or with other obligations, self made, society made or otherwise..

Amy - posted on 08/17/2012

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MMaybe I should have stated prior that I was working 3 jobs over 80 hours a week while my Hubby worked full time we have two kids and made it. Now I can't work due to breaking my back when I was hit by a car. My kids do chores around the house and are,both going to be in school this year. I still clean my house in horrible pain and love my kids and take them to the park and swimming and whatever else. And when I broke my back my income was over 3k a mo th but yet we manage and eat good food and my kids are spoiled all because I know how to budget. My daughters child support goes into a savings account and has yet to be touched in 3 years time. Oh I have a house BTW with a mortgage the same as yours. Get off your ass

Michelle - posted on 08/17/2012

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WOW Ladies just read more and I guess according to Amanda we all live in trailers and work at Walmart and our children are not as deserving as her and her child and she deserves more. So glad I realized a long time ago my family's money wasn't worth a dam thing and neither was my ex husband's. My children know everything isn't going to be given to them and they will have to WORK for what they want and my 12 year old daughter has more respect for herself then Amanda does and is more responsible with her money and knows hard work is better than having someone pay the bills for her.

So sorry you don't know how to do more than sit around and be spoiled.

Michelle - posted on 08/17/2012

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Wow, talk about spoiled. Maybe you need a dose of reality. You sound like my husband's ex-wife who thinks she deserves everything and he needs to pay for everything for her kids. All I have to say is I am very proud of the fact I have NEVER NEVER raised my ex's support ($440/m- 2 children) and he isn't willing to pay anything extra because that is who he is! I DIDN'T leave my children with strangers, I left them with my mother and then with friends when I had to and when they went to Pre-school they had teachers. I have been a single mother for over 10 years and figured it out. Including paying almost $700 a year for scouts on my son who just finished his Eagle Project. (Yes I am married now, but only for the last two years and he is never home, he is a OTR driver; I spend more time with his kids then he does.) My children have not suffered or missed out because I HAVE found a way to pay for what they want and what they do.

Maybe you should take a look at the national poverty lever and see where most people live.

Too Tired....gee wish I had a housekeeper and almost $4000 grand to live on...oh yeah with my kids in pre-school and school I WAS making almost $60K a year until the economy went under and still did it on my own.

Maybe you should take him back to court so the judge can tell you and him exactly how much he doesn't have to do for you.

Michelle - posted on 08/17/2012

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Wow! I'm sure your son is young and can adjust to a less expensive life. Take him to free activities like story time at the library and to the parks in your community. Do inexpensive art projects at home. You mention a house keeper; let her go and you clean to save money. I work full time, have a 3 year old and 20 pet birds, plus 3 fish tanks and a frog, and I keep a clean house. Yes, its hard, but bills need to be paid and I like a clean house. There is no reason why you can't find a job where your son goes to work with you; I did and I don't work at a daycare or at a school. I'd love to get that much in child support instead of $100 each week!

Amber - posted on 08/17/2012

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I think your being irrational and greedy. Hes paying an obscene amount of money to help maintain his sons wants & needs. I wonder why you sre not working to reduce the financial retraints on him by solely living off your childsupport? And personally I feel you are being unfair by livin off your CHILDsupport because its intended to supplement you not sustain your highlife. If it seems that thee amount your getting isn't enough get a JOB or downsize so your living in your means. But to ask for more is absolutely crazy.

Sarah - posted on 08/16/2012

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Ok I'm sorry but you have a kid you have to provide everything that child needs whether its love, understanding and even getting a job to provide him with everything else its a two way street you both created him you both got divorced and since your no longer married you now have to do it on your own. It isn't your exs responisbilty to take care of you. And quite honestly I have always wondered why single moms get such a bad rep, I now completly understand its people who think they can live off everyone else because they had a kid and shouldn't have to it on their own. You need to grow up quick

Sarah - posted on 08/16/2012

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Quite honestly have you thought about letting go of your house keeper that will save some money and since your a stay at home mom you really should be able to clean your own house, and futhermore eventually the gravy train will run out and your going to have to figure out how to do it on your own. I have two kids and my fiance has 3 and between the two of us we make it on just a little more than what you are receiving. If it means buying something that might not be what your used to then we all have to do it. I'm not trying to be judgmental or anything but have you thought of getting a part time job on the weekends when he is with his dad? That way you wouldn't have to worry about a sitter or anything.

Laura - posted on 08/16/2012

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And, just out of curiosity, Amanda, how old is your child if your son is so "accustomed to a certain life style"? If he's old enough to notice, he should be old enough to be in school. How long were you married?

I know how to manage money....and I taught my kids. While I was a single parent we managed on a split penny budget and had everything we needed and most of what we wanted. I worked full time and received modest child support and alimony (we were married more than 10 years); the alimony ended when I remarried. The child support continued until through college (its written into the agreement)

Adults work. Your ex works for his money and provides generously for his son. He doesn't owe you anything.

The way I see it you have three choices. 1) budget the money you currently receive, shut up then start planning what you'll do to support yourself when child support ends. 2) Get a job, you'll actually be a better, more informed parent. 3) Take your chances in court....it won't be in your favor.

Amanda - posted on 08/16/2012

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Amanda you are being unreasonable and judging other moms who shop at walmart and don't get their lives paid for courtesy of their ex's doesn't prove that "you chose" any better of a father but I am seriously wondering if your ex really cared about the qualities of the mother "he chose".

Shauna - posted on 08/16/2012

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I'm still in shock over this post. You are the reason why pre-nups came about!!! You are not entitled to anything more than support for your son.....and quite frankly.....it doesn't cost almost $4k a month to raise a child! You are getting wayyyyyy more than you deserve. Since your ex-husband is so loaded, he should think about putting your face on a billboard advertising reasons to use condoms!!!!!! If I were a man, I'd stay far far away from you.

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