Getting Respect as a Single Mom

User - posted on 02/24/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I just need to vent, I find I get no respect from alot of people as a single mom, teachers, couples, supervisors. It doesn't help that I look younger than I really am. But I find I get no respect or recognition that Jared and I are a family unless I have a man by my side. You are treated completely differently when they think you are part of a couple. I can't believe how many people give into the stereotype of the single mom. I was 30 when I had my son, I have a good education a good career and I own my own house(ok the bank owns most of it). I know most single moms are not as fortunate. Being a single mom is difficult no matter what your circumstances.

I am having huge problems at my sons school with some bullying issues. The school doesn't want to talk to me bacause of confidentiatility issues with the little girl that is bugging him. There is alot more to this story. But I know I know when I walk in anywhere with Jared's father, the reaction and respect I get is completely different. Any advice?

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Vicki - posted on 03/06/2009

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Hi i was reffered to a family centre by my health visitor,,and they had all sorts of courses like that , im not sure on the services available where you are , your health visitor should have details on any family centres, or parent support groups that would run /have more info on courses for you.



Failing that you could always look around on the net , some parenting sites also share info on these courses,,,try something like  netmums.com



Hope you get this sorted out , sounds a very complicated and stressfull situation,,,all the best

User - posted on 03/06/2009

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I am glad to read the responses to my comment and I know I am not alone.  I don't have internet access-something you give up to put your child first.  This is a great way to share and get feedback.  If I could I would love to connect and comment on all these posts- I can relate to so much.  Vicki where did you find a single parents confidence course.  Unfortunately or fortunately I look younger than I actually am, so I think people don't take me as seriously as they would a 36(almost) year old married woman.

User - posted on 02/25/2009

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Janet, I am so sorry.  It sounds complicated. Do you have an attorney? I think I would be tempted to transfer him to another school.  Is that an option?

Rebecca - posted on 02/25/2009

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Oh my God i so hear you! We had an issue with my sons spanish teacher and his not getting the right info for some tests he missed. You would have thought I asked her to write him a special report excusing him from Spanish for life with an A+++. I cc'd his father on an email and he wrote to her and she practically sent him a homemade tortilla!

I was like - okay wtf? you have to laugh...as for bullying tell him to walk away - he is going to have to face it alone at some point and it may as well be now. If she is persistant he needs to tell the teacher. i know you probably want to go down there and pull her little pigtails right out of her head i know i would, (normal feelings!) but its better if you try to stay out of it as much as possible.

User - posted on 02/25/2009

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I did not mention this fact before, but I was assaulted by this little girl's parents-I called CAS for some very serious reasons and got nothing but threats on my life- and there are dates set before the court, the court won't get involved in school problems and the school doesn't want to hear about any legal issues.  This makes the situation more complex and sensitive to handle.  The teacher said something very inappropriate to my son yesterday.  He thinks I fell down the stairs and what is going on at school and what is coming out of this little girls' mouth is not conducive to keeping an adult situation out of the class and away from him.  He doesn't deserve this.  Advice?

User - posted on 02/24/2009

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Boy, do I know what you are talking about! It shouldn't be that way, but in my experience, it is definitely true that single moms do not get the same respect that a couple gets. Deanna gave you some good advice. If the school won't talk to you about the problem with the little girl bullying your son take it to the school board. Stay strong. Your son needs you to fight for him on this!

Vicki - posted on 02/24/2009

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i completely understand what your going through and as a young ( im 25)single mum myself , feel i get treated the same, people assume i have no idea what im doing , my son had a few problems at pre-school and the teachers made no effort to resolve the situation till i got my sons father to complain to the school himself.Once they found out their was a father figure around they couldnt be more helpfull!



So maybe try getting your sons dad involved may help if that is a option available for you.



I actually attended a single parents confidence course a lil while back that actually helped me with a few issues i had about being stereotyped, that helped too.



Its horrible sending your child off to school when you know they are gonna have a hard time, maybe try a few things to make your son a lil more assertive/confident himself so that maybe he could handle himself better at school, no one would be proud to know that their child is a bully, if the school dont help id go directly to the parents myself.



Hold your head high, most couples will say how hard it is to bring up a child and we do it all alone,,,how could you not be proud of that!

Deanna - posted on 02/24/2009

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If the school won't help you with bullying issues then you take it the next step.. You go to the school board! If you are Jared's primary care taker then school has no choice but to talk to you about the bullying issues. Forget all this confidentiality crap. This little girl should not be bullying your son no matter what.



Being a single mom is hard enough. I'm a single mom at 37 and I have never felt disrespected at all. My daughter's father is nowhere in the picture so I can't say I've been in your shoes when it comes to going someplace with my baby's father and getting respect because they think we are a couple. So just keep your head up high and remember that you are worthy of everyone's respect but you're doing the toughest job there is out there.. YOU are a SINGLE MOM!!!!!

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