Going through a messy breakup. I have a ten month old and another on the way. I have no idea what to do with myself.

Jessica - posted on 03/15/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I was with my former fiance for 3 and half years... After the birth of our daughter he just never stepped up into the daddy shoes. He couldn't balance being financially responsible for a family with being there as a dad. I've basically been my daughter's primary care giver for the past 10 months. We've been living separately since August because I knew I'd get the support I really needed by living with my parents.
Now we've finally broken it off. I'm super stressed because I am pregnant again. Mostly I'm having a really hard time sharing my daughter with her father. I don't think he's ever really been the one to try to spend time with her. I on the other hand rarely go out... I can't stand the thought of being away from my daughter for even a day. I don't know what to do.

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Melissa - posted on 03/27/2009

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I'm glad you have your parents to support you.  I agree with Kimberley.  Your children need to know their father as well as their mother.  They will see how he is and realize that you are the one that loves them dearly.  However, ask the father if he really wants them.  Let him decide if he wants to be a father or not.  That would ake that stressor out for you.  YOU on the other hand need to take a break, especially before baby two comes.  You trust and rely on your parents, take some time to be a women, you are after even if you are a Mom.  The one thing I have done and many of my friends, is we have forgotten to be us.  You can't be happy unless you take time for your self.  That could be two hours for a mani and pedi or just a walk to your favorite place.  Remember yourself in all of this, a VERY hard lesson I had to learn to keep myself from blowing up...

Melissa - posted on 03/27/2009

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I'm glad you have your parents to support you.  I agree with Kimberley.  Your children need to know their father as well as their mother.  They will see how he is and realize that you are the one that loves them dearly.  However, ask the father if he really wants them.  Let him decide if he wants to be a father or not.  That would ake that stressor out for you.  YOU on the other hand need to take a break, especially before baby two comes.  You trust and rely on your parents, take some time to be a women, you are after even if you are a Mom.  The one thing I have done and many of my friends, is we have forgotten to be us.  You can't be happy unless you take time for your self.  That could be two hours for a mani and pedi or just a walk to your favorite place.  Remember yourself in all of this, a VERY hard lesson I had to learn to keep myself from blowing up...

Kimberley - posted on 03/15/2009

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i had the same problem also. I left my daughters father wen i was 30 weeks pregnant. We tried to work things out but things never changed. He would not step up and take care of his responsibility either. He was abusive and a drug addict to say the least. The only advice i can give you is do wat you think is in the best interest for your daughter. And i am sure you have enough love in you to give her both a mother and a father as i do. But with that being said i beleive a child should have both their mum and dad in their life or atleast know who their daddy is. I am seeking legal advice also and maybe you should give that a go. And i know how hard it is to be away from your bub, but you sometimes just need that time alone. And now that your expecting again you will need all the rest you can get and the extra hands will be a god sent whether its from your daughters father or your family. Good luck and remember a lepard never changes his spots and once this bub comes along don't think you have to be with him for the sake of the children. It's not worth the hassle and it does get easier.

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