going thru my third pregnancy alone

Mandie - posted on 02/23/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )

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i just need some support i guess. I am a single parent of two girls already. I am 11 weeks pregnant right now. The father sorta left because he used me to get back at his ex and still wants to be with her. I guess in the process of using me i ended up getting pregnant and he lied about being with her for two months. So im on my own and finding it really hard to handle all the emotions. I honestly just wish on the days he doesnt stop calling that he just fall off the face of the earth. He even went to the extreme of trying to tell me he wanted to be with me if i had an abortion. Of course i chose my baby even though he was just trying to manipulate me. Any suggestions would be helpful...:)

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Chris - posted on 02/26/2009

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loose the looser and get on with your life. Except that your going to raise 3 children on your own. There is no shame in being a strong independant woman. Im doing it. I work full time and have raised my 3 kids on my own. Its time to make your kids your priority. Your worth it and your kids are worth it. Surround yourself with people who dont want to use you. If I can do it you can do it! good luck!

Jamie - posted on 02/24/2009

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I am new to this site, but after reading some of your stories, I wish I would have known about this place long ago. I have a similar situation. I have 3 children with a man who has walked in and out of my life for years. We have a 13 year old boy and now twin 9 month old boys. I found out when I was a month pregnant with the twins that he had another girlfriend. He chose to be with her but continued to harrass me throughout my pregnancy. One day he would be nice, the next day he said he hoped I died giving birth. He wanted me to have an abortion, but I couldnt do it. I felt so alone, but I focused on my children and my friends and family. They pulled me through. Today, he still comes around but I dont let his hateful words affect me like before. He tries to get back with me when him and his girlfriend are fighting but I dont want to hear it anymore. I wasted too many years on a man (I use that term loosely!) who only cares about himself and his needs. All you can do is be the best mom you can be to your kids. I know it can be lonely, but if you can lean on your friends and family it makes everything so much easier. Why waste your energy on someone who is not worth the time or energy. I know it is easier said then done, but you can do it. You just have to believe in yourself and know you are worth so much more. Take care of yourself and your little girls!

Angela - posted on 02/26/2009

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Hey Mandie,



I went through the exact same thing not too long ago. I was dating a guy that I had known for years...he said he was in the final stages of divorce. I got pregnant..he wanted me to have an abortion. I said no, and haven't heard from him since. (I have since found out he went back to his wife.) I was pregnant with my 3rd child, and I did it by myself.



I will be the first to tell you that it wasn't easy. But now I have a healthy, happy, gorgeous, 21 month old son. I have 2 older sons that are 12 & 7. My life is wonderful!



I look back now, and it is really a sense of accomplishment. I did this by myself. I thank God everyday that I have Jaxon (my youngest), and my other boys.



You were given this child for a reason. There may be some tough times, but you are capable of providing a great life for this baby and your other children. It will be the greatest reward to see your children thriving, and know that you...and only you....made this happen!

Torey - posted on 02/24/2009

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i've been through the same thing with my ex, except it was my first child. he told me he wanted to have a baby we were in a good position in our lives so i fell pregnant and when i was 8 weeks he left me for one of our friends. it destroyed me emotionally and physicaly. i lost my job as i was so ill with morning sickness my home my car and the man i loved. i was very depressed through out my pregnancy he begged me to get rid of our child but i kept her for me as i felt i was ready and needed to do it for myself. and today my daughter is eight months old and i wouldn't change it for the world......and my advice to you is to stay as strong as you can for your two children you'll have days when all you want to do is cry and thats ok. you and your kids will be very rewarded for your courage and strength at the end when you hold you new beautiful baby. and believe me he will come in and out of your life and make things hard but you will find someone out there that will stand by your side like i now have and adore you and your three beautiful kids. promise you wont be stupid like i was and take him back after you have this baby just for him to leave you again a month later and go back to the girl he left you for in the first place. thats the worst. i done that and i felt so strong again after having my daughter just for him to hurt me all over again. you will be ok..... and cry when you want to. this is an emotional roller coaster but you will get through it.....i promise!!!!!!

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Michelle - posted on 02/26/2009

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Mandie, my heart goes out to you...the emotions you talk about can be all consuming, it is freightening, sad & exciting to be having this baby...I agree with the others (& your own comments) the guy is a loser...he will not be there for you as much as you may hope for that...I went through the same thing already having 3 teens from a previous marriage, I had remarried & discovered my 2nd husband was having an affair when I was 3 mo pregnant with our "planned" baby....I also did seek counseling for ME...I don't think I could have gotten through that otherwise...rely on the help of family & friends also but having a noninvolved person to talk to about it helped me....I also remember those days of wishing he would fall off from the face of the earth as well as wishing with all of my heart that he would come back...now I can honestly say I have no emotion for him, I do not hate him nor do I love him...we share a 7 yr old daughter that I wouldn't trade for the world. It has not been easy but she makes it ALL woth it!!! Best of luck!

Latisa - posted on 02/26/2009

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Here is my advice as a single mother of 3 kids who went back and forth like that with their father.....LEAVE THIS GUY ALONE AND DON'T STRESS OVER HIM.  Your only tie with him at this point is the baby and that's it.  You don't need it and you don't need him.  You can do this.  He is just playing you along because you allow him to.  Get your strength back and don't let another man take it from you again.  You will get over him.  And I might even suggest that you just seperate yourself from him for a little while until you can get your emotions under control. 

Laura - posted on 02/24/2009

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as they say "he is a user and a loser"

you are under no obligation to answer the phone!! You owe him nothing.



You will/do need a support system. if you don't have one in place, find one. Talk to family, head to church, look in the paper for support groups.



I was almost 3 months along with my second when my husband and I split. This pregnancy was actually easier because he wasn't there being a jackass and I had one less "kid" to take care of.

It's hard and sometimes it really sucks, but it's doable. Women are strong, awesome and rise to any occasion!!

Dana-Nichole - posted on 02/24/2009

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I went thru the exzact same thing with my daughter's father, she is my second child.  My best advice is to clear away the drama and see a therapist to help you cope with the stress of having a baby alone and taking care of other children.  It was the best decision I ever made.  My daughter's father went back to his ex and also said that he would be with me if i would have an abortion.  you are doing the right thing and the hardtimes will pass, but you are strong and you will make it.  Focus on your beautiful kids!!

Dana-Nichole - posted on 02/24/2009

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I went thru the exzact same thing with my daughter's father, she is my second child.  My best advice is to clear away the drama and see a therapist to help you cope with the stress of having a baby alone and taking care of other children.  It was the best decision I ever made.  My daughter's father went back to his ex and also said that he would be with me if i would have an abortion.  you are doing the right thing and the hardtimes will pass, but you are strong and you will make it.  Focus on your beautiful kids!!

Casey - posted on 02/23/2009

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Honey you dont need drama like that in your life... Are these other kids fathered by this man or someone else? And if he used to be with his ex and left you for her why is he still calling you? And better yet why would you put up with him using you as a fool. Your only empowering him to have control over you. Hes not a mature man honey he is just a boy playing games. Anyways it is going to be hard because the emotions you have regardless because of being pregnant. Your not going to get around that. You baby isnt going to know any different if his/her daddy is around at first. Dont sweat it. When its old enough to know hopefully you have moved on with your life and have a real man in your life who will stand up and be a DAD because anyone can father a child... It takes a real man to be a DAD. And if the biological father is an a** having him around the child will only effect that child emotionally, and behaviorally.

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