Guilt and how to move on completely

Bianca - posted on 03/10/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )




My son is 21 months old, his father wasnt in the picture from birth to one year then he decided that now his boy could walk and talk it was time to step up and be a man...i cant forgive him for all the nasty things he has done to me and i hate him for ruining our family and everything we had together. He makes me feel guilty for moving on with my life and seeing other people because he wants to be a full time father and i wont let him. I want to move in with my current partner but my ex is rather agro and im too scared too, plus not sure if im doing the right thing by my son? Is my ex right by saying that im selfish and my son will end up hating me cos i wont let him be around his father 24/7? I let him see his father for an hour during the week at my house and let him take him for 3 hrs on the weekend plus let him talk on the phone every nite...i feel guilty but do i sacrifice my happiness for my sons? HELP!!!! X


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[deleted account]

Don't feel guilty, my daughter father did the same thing, a married him when she was two.  I was miserable for 7 years and now we are divorced.  We have a good relationship when it comes to our daughter.  The response you received from Janine is right on target.  BTW Janine are you therapist; second time I see you post really good answers.

Be happy live your life and allow your child to have his father without you feeling guilty.




Janine - posted on 03/10/2009




Sounds as if you still have feelings for your sons father. If you didn't then you wouldn't let his opinion affect you so drastically.

Let him be a father to your son, it's only fair to him and your son that they have a positive relationship. Just explain to him that you don't want to be in a relationship with him, you want to be with someone else and he's just going to have to deal with that.

Why don't you go to court and get a shared custody agreement, for superised visitation. It doesn't sound like he see's a lot of his son, maybe you can give him more visitation rights. Like he has him every or every other weekend for the entire weekend or something like that, so he can spend more extended amounts of time with him.

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