have 19 yr oldwho is disrespectful and we don't get along. How can i stop this behavior?

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Cindy - posted on 03/11/2009

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Hi Lori!

I am a 26 year old and remember quite well what it was like to be 19. My mother and I didn't get either.But for much different reasons I am sure. Has this behavior just started? Or has this been going on for a while now? If she just started to act this way than there might be some hope at the end of the tunnel. But if it's been like this a long time than it will be much more difficult to get things the way they should be.
My advice is mostly the same as these other ladies. Ask her if there is anything she would like to talk about. Don't force her to talk because she might not want to. But she will knowing that you do care to listen and that you are there if she needs someone to talk to. And to be honest at 19 you are not going to have very much luck trying to stop her behavior. At this point you are still the parent but she is an adult too now and would probably like to be treated as one! I am not saying to try to be her friend. Just give her some time let her know you are there for her and I am sure whatever it is that is effecting her she will eventually talk to you about it. You could even try writing her a letter telling her how you feel and that you care about her very much and you don't want your relationship to continue the way it has been. Those are just some ideas that I would have liked my mother to have done.Instead of demanding and yelling. We have to be able to feel comfortable going to our moms about anything. Especially as we get older we appreciate our mothers so much more than we did when we were younger.

I hope this is somewhat helpful to you., I wish you all the best.!

Danielle - posted on 03/09/2009

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I may not be much help with this or you may not appreciate my point of view as i am only 20 years old. i will admit to not always getting along with my parents but i do not understand the disrespect part. I was always told to respect your parents no matter what the situation. there could be many things causing the behaviour and the first that springs to mind is boyfriends/ girlfriends. If they have a serious partner than their may be problems between them that is affecting their behaviour. i agree with Monica... sit them down and have a talk.. it , may not seem like much at the time but you reaching out to your child will get them to open to you... hopefully this will help.. Good luck

[deleted account]

First no offence but ask yourself if you have always treated her with respect? Then maybe sit down and talk to her and find out what is going on. Why is she being disrespectful, what is causing the problem. Usually when someone is being disrespectiful there is a reason somekind of unspoken problem. Ler her know it hurts your feelings or you dont like is and LISTEN!!!!! to what she has to say back to you...

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