HELP! Petty Grandmother Who Doesn't Make An Effort

Gloria - posted on 08/06/2018 ( no moms have responded yet )




Is it my responsibility to foster a relationship between my son and his paternal grandmother?

I have allowed my son to be in her life since he was 15 months old and she never makes an effort communicate with him via FaceTime or phone or even ask for pics seeing that I live 4 hours away. I always take time out my life to drive 4 hours to them for him to see them. So this bothers me. (I didn’t allow her in the beginning because I was in a abusive relationship with my son’s father, her son and he got locked up. She got mad at me and blamed me for the abuse and ruining her son’s life, so I didn’t want someone in my life or sons life who blames me for their sons actions of abusing me while pregnant and not pregnant for 2 years)… Since then, his father has been good to me and my son and Ive been trying to develop a relationship with his mom (the grandmother). Now, recently I found out she had lied to me about something serious and so it made me distant from her but I never once said she couldn’t see him. I expected an apology but she said she will never apologize so I dropped it. I came over to let her see him and she said she will only see my son without me present. As a mother I feel very uncomfortable leaving my son with her first because she has disrespected my wishes and requests constantly, and secondly I do not want her negative qualities influenced on my son while Im not there. I believe as parents you have a right to determining who is in your child’s life, especially during their young vulnerable years. She has done a lot of things i disagree with and I as a mom feel like it will impact my son negatively. His father feels the same way to an extent. However, because I’m not the mean mom I decided to still involve her by allowing her to see him but only with me there until I feel comfortable again and can trust her with my son without me there. So as I mentioned, I recently drove 4 hours to her and she knew I was coming, but when I got there, she went off on my son’s father saying she doesn’t want me there when she sees him because it will be “awkward” after our little arguement about her lying to my face and hurting me deeply. I told my son’s father it will only be awkward if she makes it awkward. I don’t need an apology, Im moving forward for the sake of my son. Im over it that issue. I feel like she is being petty and won’t let it go and move forward by trying to mend our relationship for the sake of her relationship with my son. Im going as far as allowing you to still be in my sons life but you can’t simply respect my wishes of me wanting to be present when you see my son. It’s just not that complicated to do. Just get out of your selfish feelings for your grandson. Im the mother and will always be. Its just not right to me and it makes me even more uncomfortable that she will only see my son if I’m not present. I don’t believe in forcing relationships and Im never blocking her from having a relationship with my son, but I feel like if she really cared to have one with him, she would put the pettiness of “feeling awkward” around me after an argument, aside. I told my son’s father, all she has to do is call me or send a text about seeing him but respecting my stipulations and that my door is always opened.

So What more should I do? I also don’t know her very well and because she ruined the trust I had started to have for her in the beginning, its harder to trust her even more now knowing I barely know her. Im not going to leave my son with her until I get to know her more and feel more comfortable after all the things she has done; disrespect to my parenting and my wishes and the lying. I just do not like her character. I understand some things you can’t control in life but there are things you can control when it comes to your child and If I feel like someone is a bad influence in my child’s life, they will be removed until they make changes. But Im making an effort to allow the relationship and she just isn’t having it as long as im present. Just doesn’t make any sense to me AT ALL.

What are you other ladies opinions on this situation?

Also, his dad is trying to basically force me to feel comfortable in letting her see our son without my present. First, he was on my side about it, but then now he is putting her feelings above mine and rather see her happy than me be happy and comfortable.

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