help with split home

Krista - posted on 04/14/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

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how do i deal with my 3 year old going back and forth to his fathers house .. when he comes back he doesn't listen,

doesn't want to eat for me and my boyfriend, doesn't listen... its getting very hard to deal with.... btw we are going to

court so i dont' have a choice but to give my son to his father.. if i did he wouldn't get him... hes a drinker a drugie and doesnt

play with my son... he put the tv in charge of being a babysitter!!!!

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I don't know how long ago the split was but I went through that with my daughter for the past year. She was giving me hell because of the split between her Dad and me. It took me a long time to realize what was going on with her. He does not know how to deal with his emotions so you just have to love him harder. Spend as much with him as you can and try to be patient. He is processing things his way. I know it's hard to do but as long as your ex is not harming, neglecting, or placing him in any kind of danger, you cannot control how he is with your son and what goes on at his house. Children are more intelligent and intuitive than we sometimes give them credit for. Your son will figure out a way to cope on his own as long as he has your love and support. Good luck.

Amy - posted on 04/14/2009

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Hang in there honey! You will get threw this. My ex is not a drugy or a heavy drinker but he does like to be in control but not take care of his kids so he married my best friend and has two kids with her to do everything for him. All he does is bring home the paychecks and does whatever he want and makes her take care of my son when he has him. So Tyler, my 3 yr old son, is the same way your son is doing to you. Dont want to listen wants to do whatever he feels like doing! I am there! What u have to do is lay down the rules and let him know what those rules r at mommies house. The first 24 hours when u pick him up from his fathers is hell but after that he is more calm and realizes that he is at moms house and mommy has rules that he has to go by or else its time out chair. I hated being the bad guy but Tyler needed to know who was boss and what the rules were. When it was time to eat then he sat and ate if he didnt want to eat then that was it nothing else til lunch time or dinner time no in between meals. and tyler learned. You have to be strong girl! For u and your son! Dont give up on that lil boy. He needs you just as much as u need him. As of now keep every receipt you spend on your son and everyday keep a journal of what you and your exs conversations. I mean everything. and if u feel that your child is in danger due to the fact that your ex in doing drugs and drinks a lot then request a piss test and he take AA classes for the well being of your son. Tell them you r very concerned about this matter and they cannot turn u down. And you r not lying you r very worried! Just keep a journal on everyday conversations with your ex. I mean EVERYTHING. It will help u out a lot. Be the bigger person and your son will realize who cares about him the most and he will know its you!! :) So hang in there mom you will get threw this and be strong for that lil angel of yours and everything will fall into place like it should be for the best for you and your lil boy! Good luck!

Tina - posted on 04/14/2009

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Sounds like you are in the exact same place that I was when I had to begin this journey with my kids dad....time will heal all wounds...it just won't heal stupidity. My suggestion is that you keep that journal/diary of all the bad things that he does to your son. I have had to call the sherriff's dept out on my kids dad for putting his hands on my son...he has an open record with them and has no idea that the sherriff has the report out on him. Just keep your head up, keep your hands in GOD's hands and keep prayerful for your son when he has his visits. In due time, he will know, believe me, he will know who holds his best interests at heart.



Hope this gives you a little bit of hope and insight.

Geraldine - posted on 04/14/2009

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Believe you me the kids learn on their own who is who and what is what.  Don't belittle the dad at all be the bigger person, it will pay off when the kids are older.  As for your child it is best to remember this is confusing for him he does reajust does he not. If you are frustrated count to 10.  Just be the best mom that you can.  Oh by the way keep a diary and keep it well hidden on the x.  If he is drunk or high when he picks up the kid it is your responsibility to call the police, this will benefit you if you need or want to go to court later, tell them why your calling and that he had the right to see the child but is in this state.  Keep date, time, who witness better if a friend not a loved one, place.  Coversations can be kept, and since you have a concern with the x's habbits check on him and if in that state then it is your responsibility to protect your child.  Everything should be documented, especially if you are going to court.  Start now, a diary is admissable in court if it is kept this way.  oh and one more thing ask the police for a record of the incident reported, and get one for yourself to keep in same safe place, sometimes reports go missing.  Good Luck, keep smiling, you will be happier for it.



 



Hope this helps been there done that.

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