How do I explain that her father is a preditor?

[deleted account] ( 5 moms have responded )

When MacKenzie's father and I split up, I learned some awful truths about him. Of course I did my own investigation and found out that the alligations of child molestion against my ex were true. I am five months pregnant now, I am terrified of how I am to explain, why she has no daddy.



(btw, her father is willing to stay away by my insistance)

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[deleted account]

Thank you for all your advice.  I will take it into consideration, hell I don't know of any other options, lol.

Kyndra - posted on 02/04/2009

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First of all, i'm glad that you didn't stay with somebody like that. I was sexually abused by my father for 3 years after my parents divorced. I had to figure my own way to deal with it. I know that for somebody to sexually abuse somebody that they have a totally different mindset than normal people. when she's younger just tell her that her daddy does love her but some things he does just are not nice and it's best if she isn't around him, and that he thinks that's whats best too. when she's old enough to understand tell her the truth. Just because he sexually abused someone before does not mean he doesn't have love for his child. I am in no way defending what he did. I think it is totally wrong and that people who sexually abuse children should be severely punished because it effects that persons whole life. And just know that you wont have to worry about your daughter going through that.

Vicky - posted on 02/04/2009

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hi iam in a similar situation i have a 13 month old lil girl i found out 4 days after she was born he had spent 7 years in prison for killing his son an i have fought to keep my daughter with me ever since when i comes to telling them it will be hard be please dont worry for at least another 15 years. yes its a long time but she will thank u for it in the mean time have your lil girl enjoy her an when she gets older jus tell her daddy loves u but cant be with us i have a lot of paperwork so my lil girl will only no her daddy loves her until she can read an understand what her dad did an why he isnt here an most importantly she can make her own mind up the other thing that worries me is school it only takes one childs mum or dad to find out wot her dad is an that child could cause so much hurt all i can really do at the moment and prob the best thing for u is to enjoy them growing up an explain an worry when u have to hope this helps u x

Shasean - posted on 02/04/2009

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That's definitely a tough situation to have to deal with!  Firtst off be assured that as long as your child has loving, positive people around her as she grows that will certainly ease the mental and emotional burden.  As far as the explanation, always be truthful with your statements but keep them as close to her age level in understanding as possible (you dont want to overwhelm her young mind).  Let her know that there are some things that she isn't ready to understand that keep her away from her father.  That unfortunately, he isn't a nice person and she can't be around him and explain why just a little more (again keeping it on her age level) as she gets older.  Make it a family time conversation between the two of you.  As she gets older turn that more into an open forum type of conversation so that she can feel free to comment and/or ask questions that she is ready for (and believe that if she asks you a question it means she is ready for the right and truthful response).  Best of luck to you!

Aleycia - posted on 02/03/2009

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You'll have about 2 or more years to prepare for that talk and another 5-10 before she'll actually truly understand. Explain to her that daddy loves her but he can't be with her. She won't understand what her father did or why he cannot be there until she's older. Good luck, you have a long and hard road ahead of you.

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