How do I find myself if no one else wants me to?

Andrea - posted on 03/31/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I need to find out who I am and what I want out of life, but everyone (specific people I won't mention) is so used to me being who I've been, putting myself aside and doing everything for everyone else, they are not supporting me in finding myself for fear that my change might not include them. How do I deal with this?

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Andrea - posted on 03/31/2009

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My stepkids live far away, so I don't get to se them, so I only have my daughter, but what if this doesn't have to do with kids at all?  They are no problem to me.

Mary - posted on 03/31/2009

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Since your kids are older, this is the perfect time to be asking that question. Who you were is changing, not needed as much as when they were little.



For me, I started making plans to do things I wanted to do once a week, Dance class, book club and other things. The hardest step personally was to set boundries with my kids as to when I would be available and likewise unavailable.It is not about them supporting you, it is about you supporting you and sticking to it through the initial labor pains of change.



As mothers we constanly change to adapt to new situations such as kids in school - kids out of school, but that is just the basic changes. One of the gifts we can give to our children is to teach them through our actions that change is safe, even for them.  And maybe the  word itself 'change' can be said a little differently. How about expanding beyond the role you already have. Expansion still includes all that already exisits.



I hope this helps a bit.  We do survive motherhood. Mary

Michelle - posted on 03/31/2009

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I don't know if you have ever read the book "The Dream GIver" but it is the perfect answer to all these questions and it helps you search you heart at the same time.  The greatest part is it is an easy read and you can do it in a short time even with the kiddos around really.  I have been there and unfortunately I still travel there when I am not spending time in the word, but I do better everyday.  It is a day by day challenge, but I promise the book will help.

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