How do i let go???

User - posted on 04/16/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

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hello ladies, just clicked on this site and i start to smile and cant stop reading...

Its been 2 months since the father of my children left :) i have 3 boys, aged 7, 5 and 1 and god its hard, esp financially :( their father is out of country, can speak to him through msn, but everytime we speak, he makes me feel upset, when im just telling him all me problems im havin, and everytime i get blamed. he wants to be in contact so i agree we talk in msn, i now im being a troll.

relationship was not goin good, but i was trying my best to save, even i fogave that it was an emotinally, sometimes physically abusive one :( i thought if u love someone you'll forgive.

he left sayin he's got to do some work oversees and told me on email he not gonna come back :( now I'm all left with problems, debts, stress and so on and on...

But then, i still miss him, i donno why :( i should be mad, angry but no.... i miss the man... i wanna forget him so any advice will be so much appreciated ladies :)

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Charlene - posted on 04/16/2009

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Hi i was in an abusive relationship with my sons dad, so i completely know what u mean by the not leaving him etc, and my sons dad left us nearly 5 years ago, our son was a yr and a half then, he never saw our son since he left, but kept the contact with me by harrassment, i had police built in alarms etc, harassment was bad towards me, its a control thing your kids father is doing, DONT GIVE HIM THE BAIT!! If he comes back only then talk to him as in to see his kids! I missed my sons dad the whole time, he left us withouta penny, i begged him for 5 pounds just for nappies and wipes, he refused, and yet as u say why do we still love them, but we do, its our kids father! Sad thing is for me, my sons dad died a yr and a half ago, which is so very hard, but ive got used to it i think! Try and do something to take your focus a bit off him, like a club- salsa dancing, or bingo, i dont know what u like to do but maybe those? get yourself bk on your feet again, and the money problems the citizen advice bureau can deal with those and help you, they helped me by contacting the companies and saying i can only afford such and such as now a single parent! i really do think you need to try and get out and about and do something, something that YOU have always wanted to try! I dont know i hope this helps you

Gifty - posted on 04/16/2009

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Hi sorry u've 2 go through this but believe me u an de kids r going 2 be fine.I've 3 of my own an didn't no what 2 do so i sat de kids down an told them dad is not coming back, took them 2 a friends hse an had a gud cry aft which i went through everything an just told myself he's not worth it,am not saying it's going 2 be easy but u'll get through it by taking it a day at a time an pls do go out with friends even when u'r feeling very low.All the best.

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Misty - posted on 04/16/2009

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Ok I understand the pain - my husband left after 5 years together and I'm stuck with all the debt. Even though he's a complete jerk, I still have love for him. But I know that it's better to move on. That person I loved no longer exists - you have to treat it as you're morning their death because that's actually what it is. The good parts you loved about him no longer exist.

NOW if he's verbally or physically abusive and you have kids, don't even consider taking him back. Your kids deserve better than to live in fear. If possible, move in with your parents or an other solid family member. Focus on working and supporting your children. It's going to be hard. I had to move my mom in with me so I could keep up with my mortgage. But I always put my son and his needs first. He didn't ask to be put in this mess his father created. He deserves 100% of me and I don't make him share that with anyone else. If you want happy, healthy kids, you should focus on them as much as you can. You can also find help through churches or the community. Good luck.

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