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How soon after did your childs' father get into a relationship or got married?

Tiffany - posted on 04/22/2012 ( 31 moms have responded )

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I have been reading a lot of posts lately and have also spoken to different women and have noticed one thing that is quite common. A friend of mine who is a single mom had found out less than a year that her childs' father had up and gotten married and I have just found out maybe a month ago that my daughters' father had gotten married as well and we had broken up in July. I am in no way a negative person to speak bad upon my daughters' dads' new life or any other man that does or has done something of the sort. I even have nothing against his wife whom I haven't actually met yet, but had seen only the back of her because when she had gotten out of the car they were in she rushed to the house like she didn't want to be seen, my thing is as long as she doesn't bring any mess and treats my daughter right and doesn't do anything to harm her im fine.



On the other hand, my friend I speak of in the paragraph above had drama with her sons dads' wife. Apparently his wife would call her,ask questions of his whereabouts and even told her what was going on in their relationship.



Sorry to write a lot, but these are my questions? Has your childs' father gotten into a relationship or gotten married quite soon after the breakup and if so how soon was it and how if you ever had to deal with their significant other or spouse...how did that work out?

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Tasley - posted on 10/08/2012

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Ladies Hello!!! Does anyone see a pattern in these men besides me. These men are jumping from relationship to relationship. Men hate being alone as a matter of fact I can not think of one man that live by there self. They are unstable and insecure. So I really wouldn't worry about who the BD is in a relationship with because it seems likes he's 0-13 already...LOL what makes any other relationship he gets in any different. Men like a challenge and they try to get as many h*es to settle down just to see if they can change her and then eventually brag about it.

Milagros - posted on 06/23/2014

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well love its obvious he's moved on if he made the choice of starting a relationship dont let him leave you behind you have the right to also find your other half how long you asked for me well in my situaton it took the same time he did to find someone dont let anyone run a head of you catch up to him and let him know you to have the right to keep it moving stay strong god bless you and your daughters remember don't dwell he is not better then you

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Petalumerarisitas - posted on 03/26/2015

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i was with my boyfriend for 1 yr and 7 months we broke up im 6 months prgnant with his child and now his getting ,married with his suprvisor at work after we broke up 3 weeks ago.we went to do a ultrasound 3 days qgo and he asked me to marry him but i said no.we both have moved on but it takes time to fully forget about them i have a new boyfriend and i love him

Monica - posted on 06/23/2014

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Well one of the issues with my ex was that he was always in and out of other relationships WHILE we were together. After we broke up he just moved on to the next chick that he had been messing around with while we were together.

Renee - posted on 06/22/2014

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I'm 10 weeks pregnant with my third child. Same father. We have a 10 year history. He has a habit of coming and going as he pleases. Sadly I allowed it to happen so I have only myself to blame. I just found out yesterday he married a girl he knew for less than a month. Yup, it sucks to be them. I seen their wedding picture and he's wearing clothes that I bought him. There's much more to this but that's what I'm going thRough. He'll never change I'm just thankful I never married him.

Tiffany - posted on 10/14/2012

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Soooooo true. My child's father is of course married now and we actually assumed maybe he would lay off,but of course that is not the case. Three days after his marriage,one of his lady friends tried to add me on fb. On twitter some woman without a pic followed me and kept saying husband was this husband that and put up intimate things about her and her husband as well as how if you not married or have a husband that you shouldn't have kids,that same person unfollowed me very soon after. Just recently his wife tested me smh about a matter that was already discussed between me and my child's father. He got upset because she couldn't go over due to her having to go to the Er. Two other times she didn't go because of an illness,but now all of a sudden its a problem? Mmmmmm okay I guess. I said what I had to say and ignored messages sent after even after I stopped replying.





Keep on ladies,keep strong!

[deleted account]

Found out recently that my ex has yet another girl friend (about a year ago now), so not expecting to see him in my girls' lives again for quite a while now. Am I bothered - no. What has annoyed me was that it seems to be that he's implied to his family that I stopped the last lot of contact between him and the girls which isn't true. He stopped the last lot of contact as it looks like writing letters to the girls once a week/fortnight wasn't enough for him and also the level of contact wasn't changing fast enough for him, even though I said it had to be done at the girls' speed and not his. Basically after three years of no contact he wanted to see them almost straight away. Said no and to be taken slowly. Anyway 4.5 months after the initial letters, eldest daughter had done something for him but he never came to collect it. That was June 2010, since then they've received anything from him. About March of last year he wanted to see them said had to start letters again from scratch, which he didn't like and also that I said it had to be old fashioned pen and paper snail mail letters rather than electronic. Then he claimed he'd sent letters once a fortnight between Jan and March last year - yet I never got one letter, so wondering if a) he did actually send any and b) if he did why none of them ended up through my letterbox.



I asked his Dad if his parents wanted contact with my girls. Answer was no until my ex saw/sees the girls at least once a month. My thoughts - the chances of that are quite low to almost non existance as he's barely shown any interest in the girls. In the last two and bit years since his last letter to the girls, he's contact me 2/3 times with months in between. Last time he was asking if I'd phoned him or the girls had been messing round on my phone and contacted him. Said no and knew that they hadn't as I don't keep his contact number on my phone, so that it can't be rung accidently, though I do have it written down on the off chance that I do need to contact him, regarding something vitally important about the girls (i.e. life/death situation).



As for his current partner - I was told of her by word of mouth and never met her. As for his family I'm still 'friends' with some of them on Facebook and very occasionally do get asked about the girls. I know this sounds awful, but I know that one of his sisters is going through something similar with her ex with seeing/making an effort with contact with some of their children. The first thing that came to mind was 'that describes your brother through and through' but have thought better of saying it.



Certainly I get the impression that the lack of contact between my ex and my girls, he's blamed me for all of it. Yes I have stopped it a few times, taking his behaviour into account as well as the girls' ages. But the last lot of contact I know that he stopped of his own accord, and when he has asked to see the girls again after months of no contact, I've told him to start right from the start again. He's probably made out to his family that I've said an outright 'no'. He's also threatened to take me to court and I've told 'OK then'. I'm still waiting over 18 months later for the paperwork to come through.



I've long since decided to let my ex do his own damage. My eldest read the messages I sent her paternal grandfather over facebook. So she knows that I let her Dad back into her and her sisters' lives against my better judgement, but she also knows that I have kept silent about my thoughts about her Dad away from her. I told her that she shouldn't have read the messages, which she agrees with me that she shouldn't have, but at least she knows that I agreed to it and gave her Dad another chance. When he stopped writing to her, she asked me to tell her Dad to start writing back. The only answer I could say to her was that as her Dad's legally and adult (over 18) that he either can't or won't write to her and her sisters and there's nothing that I can do. He has to stand up and do it himself, currently he either can't or won't write to them. That was just over 2 years ago. She burst into tears, but since then she has moved on with her life.



Recently one of my daughters' friends asked if my girls had a Dad. Said yes but their Dad isn't as good a Dad as her's is. I know the girl's Dad and know that he is very good with both her and her sisters. Her answer 'OK' and then got on with enjoying themselves. Another girl asked when they last saw/heard from their Dad, and I said they hadn't got anything from their Dad for over two years, and that it was his choice. My girls have adjusted to their Dad not being in their life in any major shape or form. It his the second girl quite hard as it made her realise that she's lucky to see her Dad as often as she does and got upset that my girls don't even have any contact with their Dad at all. I explained to her (in appropriate terms) that they don't even get Christmas and/or birthday cards, and this was another birthday that my daughter had had without anything from her Dad. Said but is she bothered - no, she has got cards/presents of the people that are important to her - me, her sisters, my parents, my aunts and uncles as well as her friends. To my girls that's what's important.

Zariah - posted on 09/28/2012

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Hello everyone!! My daughter is 13mths. I was so in love with her father. Things did move fast between us however, when I became 6mths pregnant, everything changed. Firstly, when I met him, I made me believe that he was a master sergeant in the U. S. Army, serving 15yrs. I fell in love with this man because I felt like he had his life together, he wasn't a thug, he was a hard working handsome man. At the time he made me believe that he only had 2 daughters. Then I really fell in love because I honored the fact that he wasn't a dead beat father and he cared/ had full custody of his kids. That stole my heart. Well when I became pregnant I was afraid because it was out of wedlock and he already had kids. I tried to keep the pregnancy from him but he was the one who felt the symtoms, the tiredness, the morning sickness, etc. He confessed to me that he had an idea that I was pregnant and that he wanted me to take pregnancy test. I was scared because I didn't know if he was going to want me to keep it or not. Well he brought the test and i took it. Yep I was pregnant. I asked him what he wanted to do. He said we was having a baby. He consoled me and told me everything was going to be ok. So I took his word for it. My Dumb A$$!!! After 6mths of being pregnant he reviled to me about another child. I accepted it. I mean thats his child. He told a lie and told me a make believe story that this child had another mother. Come to find out, all 3 kids had the same mother. He always spoke badly about his baby mother. But I never judged her because there's always to sides to every story and I know I would probably have to talk to her one day. I was baby sitting, helping him buy school clothes, cooking for them, playing the mother role since their mother was on drugs. Well , while I'm baby sitting he found a new woman. She found out abt my daughter and denied my baby. He was there when I gave birth but he didn't come back the day of my release because he didn't want to be on the BC. His excuse was he had an army mission. (LIES). When my daugher turned 3 mths, he was still coming around and I forgave him. I really wanted things to work for the sake of my daughter and on top of that I loved him.Then he found another gf. There was a big argument and he challenged his gf for me to produced a BC and that I needed to leave him alone and to go find the father of my child.When my daughter turned 6mths, he got married, changed his number, and told his wife lies that I was just a one night stand. In fact he told his whole family that. I was enraged and me & his wife exchanged words. I filed child support. Now he's reaching out. I met his wife. There was no drama but he wants to spend time with my child, him and his wife both. He even offered to keep my daughter for the weekend. I think their up to something fishy. I dont know if I should just let him spend time for my daugher sake or just wait for child support. If I deny him visitation, he can take me to court. I'm humilated and devastated but at the end of it all, I have a beautiful little angel who takes up all the love from my heart. F her pops.

Charlotte - posted on 06/25/2012

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My ex cheated on me multiple times but 6 months after we separated, he moved another woman into the house and proposed to her. They never married but he did marry another woman less than 3 years after we separated, following by their divorce a year later. He's had a parade of gfs since then but I don't pay attention anymore. As long as they treat my children with the respect they deserve, I don't care. I have had 1 relationship since being divorced which lasted 2 years and ended a few weeks ago. I haven't given up on love yet though!

Charlotte
momonthegrind.blogspot.com

Christine - posted on 06/22/2012

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after 2wks!!!!he cheated on me while I was pregnant with his son !!!then after 6 months he broke with her then got in another relationship for about 1yr and 2months and now is in another new relationship.he acts like a 3old boy!!

Christine - posted on 06/22/2012

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after 2wks!!!!he cheated on me while I was pregnant with his son !!!then after 6 months he broke with her then got in another relationship for about 1yr and 2months and now is in another new relationship.he acts like a 3old boy!!

Faye - posted on 06/18/2012

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My ex left in Nov 2004, moved directly in with the new one. She was pregnant by Jan 2005, baby born in Aug 2005. I filed in Sept 2005 once I had gathered the money. We were divorced in Dec 2005. They married in March 2007.

My fiance moved into my house late July 2006, we bought a house together in Nov 2007 and we plan to marry this year. His divorce was final Nov 2011 after she sent him packing in 2006 and then drug her feet until Oct 2011.

[deleted account]

@ Tiffany, I don't think that my ex even likes the idea that at some point that I may get myself a new bf, let alone remarry. My argument would be - you've done it, I never objected so he wouldn't be able to object at me getting into a new relationship. He would have to have very good reasons AND be able to prove said allegations for me not to continue being in a new relationship.

From what I can gather my ex never got over the fact that I divorced him and no longer wanted/wants him in my life. I've talked to his now ex second wife and she claims that he never accepted that the relationship between myself and him had finished, also that he isn't/wasn't involved in my girls' lives. When they split up he decided to come back into their lives (which I allowed with a whole lot of rules attached), he still decided to walk out of their lives.

Next time he decides to walk back into their lives, I'll be saying no as he had his last chance to do it and I will not be letting him do it again without some strong reasoning by him or him taking me to court.

Tiffany - posted on 06/17/2012

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All of these men are a mess, especially the ones that hop in and out of relationships, including marriages. I honestly think if I was to even get a bf, my daughters' dad would have a fit as well Beth. Tell me why 3 days after his marriage, this random tries to add me as a friend on facebook, so I check her friends list and see my daughters' dad as one of her friends. I'm like really is it that serious, you just got married, shouldn't you be worried about that instead smh... I guess.

[deleted account]

As far as I'm concerned, my ex and I will have been split up 8 years this September (divorced 7) and as far as I'm aware he's been in relationships most of that time apart from about 9 months (ish) from what I can make out, maybe a bit longer. He is in his 4th relationship since we split up (that I know about), the first two told him to leave, third was his second wife who divorced him. I heard about his current relationship along the grape vine. Just wondering if she'll a) become wife number three and b) how long it'll last.

I still get the vibe (indirectly from his family) that I've been portrayed as the evil ex who won't let him see the girls (I use the term 'my' instead of 'our' girls due to his in and out of their lives parenting style). The last time he had contact with my girls he decided to stop the contact himself, as it wasn't going at the speed he wanted it to. he wanted to see my girls after only a few weeks of contact after 3 years of nothing, even though I said it had to be done at my girls' speed not his.

Along the years, had a whole lot of hassle of him. Best one - I had a man in my life, was forcing my girls to call my new man 'Dad'. Lets just say to this day I don't know who this man is/was as I haven't been in a relationship. Also realised/come to the conclusion that if I did get into a new relationship/remarry then there is little my ex can say as a) he's already been in multiple relationships b) been remarried (and divorced) once, c) the woman he married, he was her children's step father. So he wouldn't have a leg to stand on. Knowing my ex if I was in a new long term relationship and my ex found out then he would probably kick off.

Jurnee - posted on 06/16/2012

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my ex was alrady in a relationship, thats why we got divorced. The year we spent getting divorce he was in a relationship with at least 4 women that I know of.

Caroline - posted on 06/15/2012

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I am new to this discussion, divorced mom of 3 kids, boy 12, girl w/ apspberger's 9, and girl 5. I hear from the kids (god forbid HE actually told me anything) that his gf, (whom he started dating 4 months after our divorce from a 14 year marraige)- I was too crushed (I asked for divorced because he is verballly abusive) by the end of my "deam"of a nuclear family to even consider dating, let alone moving in together..I hear a lot about this, that men just move on really quickly..

So, I'm kind of rambling, but if they do get married, what kind of rights does the step mom have regarding my kids (her daughter is 25 and on her own). Can she show up at an IEP meeting, does she have the right to review medical records on any of the kids...Does anyone know how I can find answers like this without going through a family lawyer (needless to say, trying to support 3 kids, on my salary from public school system....

User - posted on 06/15/2012

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My ex and I have been off and on for the last year but ended up getting pregnant. (We have a kid already together) He left us a week after our second was born and found a new girl 2 wks later and continues to say he wants me back and to fool around. I have ignored all of those requests but when I go to pick up my kids from him and she's shows up moments later (don't get me started on that one) I really want to tell her. But being the adult I don't I just smile and leave

Kristin - posted on 05/30/2012

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I wish my ex would find a gf or get married as long as he leaves me alone lol. No seriously I was single for 5 years before getting into another relationship and my ex is still single. I really dont care what he does with his life and as for the women he dates they dont meet my kids and he really doesnt see them either. But I know that for me meetimg and being friends with my kids future step mom would be a big thing, as I would want her to treat my kids fairly and all that. My current spouse has 2 kids from a previous marriage and his ex wife and I get along great.

Tasha - posted on 05/28/2012

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only 2 weeks...before that he was telling me he loved me and missed me....when he dating his new gf, he started telling her he loved her too. so much for that....

Pr1ncesslissa86 - posted on 05/04/2012

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A month after. I found out on Facebook he was with her, then pull out my phone and check my text messages and he was begging me to take him back for two whole weeks AFTER they had made it official! He stopped after I told him his girlfriend wouldn't appreciate him talking to me like that. I never told her though. Didn't want to come off as the "crazy baby mama" with all the drama. Luckily for her, she must've seen him for the Loser he is because they didn't even make it up to two months. Then about 2 weeks later he started dating another girl who just happened to be a friend of a friend of my sister's co-worker and my sister told her co-worker to relay the warning of him to this girl. Needless to say, that only lasted like 3 days! LOL! After that, I could care less who he was with. The girl he is with now, they got together like 7 months after we split. And like 3 months after they got together, I saw a picture of him with a ring on and I said to myself "no way... " however, she claims that they're just "engaged." guess they're just trying to pretend like they're married to strangers when they're out in public.

So technically I'd consider this his first serious relationship after me and apparently he got "engaged" about 10 months after we broke up. Moved out of state with her 15 months after we broke up.

Jeorge - posted on 04/26/2012

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From what I understand my ex got into a relationship soon after I filed the papers if not before.

Rosa - posted on 04/26/2012

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Well not so great, But I'll have the last laugh, the reason I left him was because he was a tranny. He only uses women as a cover up. She has no idea what shes in for. I feel bad for her but what can I do, I went through hell with his ass and my daughter is the only good thing I got out of it. She must be really desprate cause he has two kids one frm his first marriage, one frm his second(me) ...but we'll see how things go I dont care what he does but if it involves my daughter I swear he hasnt seen my bad side. :p

Jennifer - posted on 04/23/2012

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forgot - I've been single too in the 3 years now since the break. I would not mind a relationship but I guess I want to ensure that things are right for it - including me being ready for it.

Jennifer - posted on 04/23/2012

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my ex already had someone lined up when he decided to inform me he wanted a divorce. she says they weren't even dating till months later but, the rest of the world knows better. he's been engaged to her for most of the time we have been apart. I only hear things from his kids from his 1st marriage (I was 2nd) he refused to tell our son he was engaged - leaving it to me to do when he started asking why daddy had left his bro and sis to be with a "friend". my son is 5 &1/2 and knows and understands what marriage is and so on...and knows that his half brother and sister are invited to the wedding but he, so far, is not. (could really go on on that one!)

as for dealing with anyone he is ever with...its not something I worry about as we do not live in the same country. (he has 2 kids on one continent, 1 (mine) on another and he lives on a 3rd)

Tiffany - posted on 04/23/2012

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@rosa: That is ridiculous smh and she is wrong too for doing that. I mean come on if you want to post pictures of you and your family why not get her pregnant and put pictures then, some of these men have the nerve. How have things been going since?

Rosa - posted on 04/22/2012

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a month later....-__- talk about no respect, and he had the nerve to post pictures of him and her and my daughter together on fb. He got a piece of my mind, asshole!

Tiffany - posted on 04/22/2012

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@beth: I've remained single as well, I don't want to just get into a relationship with anybody let alone just marry anyone. When I do get married I plan on staying with that person til death do us part. I only found out through my attorney but while we were at court they were a couple of seats behind me talking about some woman and how he was ready to go home to her and whatnot...I guess to get me jealous smh I guess I'm still that important to where you have to do stuff like that. You don't hear me ranting and raving about how I have someone and I never will, there's no need to and its also pretty childish to gloat as well about what you apparently have.

[deleted account]

My ex, from what I've heard/found out. In the last 7.5 years, has had (at least) 2 gfs, then1 new wife. He's divorced his second wife now and I've heard he's got another gf. The second marraige/relationship lasted about 3 years, I think.



Me on the other hand - I've remained single.



I don't let it bother me, it's his life. Saying that he's accused me of having at least one bf and that I was making my girls call this new man 'Dad'. The question that I had (and still to this day) - who's this bloke and what does he look like, because it's news to me!!!

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