I don't know if I should seek child support bc baby daddy is married 😞

Slhill1 - posted on 04/15/2017 ( 2 moms have responded )




First of all, I'm in my early 30s. I'm pregnant and am due in early September. I met the baby daddy on a dating website last fall and I thought he was a great guy - he's been in the Air Force for nearly 15 years (he's several years older than I am) and is very smart and I thought we were super compatible and I was very excited to see where the relationship was going - until I found out that he was still married. I knew that he had kids from a previous marriage, but yea he definitely told me he was divorced, when he was still very much legally married. I found out because his wife sent me a Facebook message stating that she was indeed still his wife and asking if he'd been cheating on him. I confronted him about it and he didn't deny it. I obviously ended things when I found this out, and was distraught about the situation. About a month later (in January) I found out that I am pregnant. I was shocked, as I'd been on birth control. I told him the news and he said he was still married and advised me to get an abortion. He made it pretty clear that he wants nothing to do with it, and he hasn't contacted me since. Being in my 30s, I feel as if I'm way too old to get an abortion and although it wasn't planned, I do think this baby is a blessing. It's a human life and it's not mine to take! I saw on social media just today that he has a new "girlfriend" now. Basically I don't know what to do at all in regards to asking for child support or not. Part of me wants to not ask him for anything since he doesn't want to be part of this, but part of me thinks not asking for child support is a selfish decision based on emotions and that it is not in the baby's best interest. I know that since he is in the military and has been for so long, this situation is trickier because adultery is very frowned upon in the military, and he could possibly lose rank or even be fired over it, which could affect his entire family. BUT child support really would help. Even if I didnt get any monetary support, jumping from individual health insurance to family health insurance is outrageous, especially when the baby could get TriCare. Having a kid is going to be very costly and every bit I can save will help. I have a job but I am not the richest person ever. Plus, part of me thinks he really should be held accountable for his actions. He can't just go around sleeping with women when he is married to someone else and then walk away with no repercussions when they are left with another entire human to take care of. What if he knocks this new girl up too?! And part of me is hoping if I make him pay child support, he'll decide that he wants to be around, at least a little bit. Maybe if he had to pay, he'd ask for visitation, and I would like for my baby to know his or her daddy, even if I don't really like him anymore. It's not fair for my personal feelings about my baby daddy to get in the way of any relationship they may be able to have. I'd also like for my baby to have the opportunity to know his/her half siblings. I just don't know if any of this is feasible or how I'd even go about making it happen, especially not without destroying his family. Any advice you could give would be greatly appreciated. I know I really need to talk to a lawyer but I'd also really like feedback from other single moms.


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Sarah - posted on 04/18/2017




Ev sums everything up pretty well. You sound like you still have feelings for this guy so keep in mind, he is a liar and a cheater. That does't mean he would not be a good father. by all means, name him on the BC, file for support and be open to negotiating the visitation.

Ev - posted on 04/16/2017




Hello, you are the first person that has posted with questions on custody, child support or visitation that has actually had a conscience thought about the child's relationship with the father regardless of your feelings about dad. I am glad to hear this from someone finally.

As for going for child support, do so by all means. Whatever happens to him with the service is his own issue. He created it the day he decided to get with another woman and have an affair with her and this resulted in an unexpected child. He is responsible for her welfare as much as you are and should be held accountable. What you need to do is to start looking around at lawyers and finding the one that might fit your needs in this. Most let you have a free visit for consult so you can kinda get a feel for the lawyer, find out fees, and what not regarding child custody, child support and visitation. Once you have established that, you can then petition the court for a paternity test and then go for the custody and visitation and child support for your baby. He might ask for visitation and he might also try for custody. I can not say for sure. But this way if you do all this stuff now, you will be better prepared for what is to come. Also, document any conversations with date, time and what he said and what you said. It might come in handy for at least the lawyer to get an idea of what is going on if it is not allowed to be used in court as evidence. Be open to visitation and work with dad on that.

Again, legally, what happens to him in regards to his military service is not your fault. He made the choices that lead him to this position he is in. He will have to deal with it. You did not cause this mess to begin with. He had you believing things until his wife sought you out to let you know for sure he was married. I am surprised she has not divorced his butt yet!

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