I have a 12 year old daughter and she is a great kid, but has a bad attitude when I ask her to do something any suggestions?


User - posted on 01/30/2009




She is just turning into a normal teenager dont stress! Part of becoming a teenager and finding her own independance is becoming self absorbed you just got to ride the storm it will calm. Ask her nicely if she would mind helping you by doing whatever it is you would like her to do IGNORE the bad attitude back DONT BITE! Simply repeat would she mind doing the task or not. if she says no say ok I'll do it myself (say it nicely) as your doin the task tell her how hard you find it to do everything (be nice). Ask her again if she would mind helping you tell her how you'd really appreciate it. IGNORE any bad attitude DONT BITE. Eventually if she loves you which I'm sure she does she will unhappily do a little to help. She cannot fight you if you don't fight back! When she does help no matter how little she does be really grateful, tell her you really appreciate her help, it was really kind of her. Give her a little reward, something she likes. Daft as it sounds teenagers just want to be liked and accepted for who they are she will love the positive praise and want more but the fighting feels like rejection, like she's not good enough as she is and she will be hurt and fight back. Best way to get anything from a teenager is to make as much as you can their choice, praise then when they do anything positive and dont fight back when they're being unpleasant. Simply tell them nicely they've upset you and how and leave them to think about it. If you fight them you become the enemy and they feel justified to do nothing for you however if you dont fight you dont become the enemy and their own conscience will kick in if you leave them long enough. Once they realise lots of praise and acceptance and rewards come from helping out a little they will choose the nice feeling this gives them over the guilt trip they have if they dont. Good luck anyway and dont expect miricles overnight remember a little is better than nothing!


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Nicky - posted on 02/05/2009




i hear you! i am a single mum of 4 children, and am also struggling to keep my sanity with my 12year old daughter, who thinks she is 21! i too am interested in what people have to say! good luck. nicky

Sandy - posted on 02/04/2009




If she is just giving you a little additude then she is becoming a normal teenager. Pick your battles.  For example, my 14 year old son is basically a good kid, he gets a little lippy but nothing too bad.  He is determined to bring food into his room, so I don't fight with him.  He has to clean up after himself.  My daughter hates doing dishes, so I don't make her because she is great with the younger kids.  My two youngest have ASD and she is the best sister/babysitter I could ask for.   Just determine what is important to you and do a little give and take.  Let something slide but then insist on some other rule/chore or what ever it may be. 

Val - posted on 01/30/2009




I also have a 12 year old daughter and she is an actual blessing, but when it comes to getting her to do things around the house or something productive, thats when the problems start. she liked to stomp her feet, treat her little brother crappy, take her sweet little time, and just basically get on my nerves. well, i no longer have that problem from her. i settled this problem a few ways, it took a few ways to get it through her thick head. first, i sat her down and talked to her about how she needs to be a role model for her brother and how she is growing up and has accept responsibility. well, that didn't really work. then i  started taking her free time from her, she cherishes her free time and hated being in the house when she knew she could be out. that soon got old so i went old skool on her, and put my foot in that butt. I have had no problems out of her since. I'm not the type of mom who hits my kids, but when i do, i surely prove my point. she is respectful when i tell her to do things and she knows she won't win. good luck hun.

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