I need advice!

Rachel - posted on 08/19/2010 ( 1 mom has responded )




To save some time here is a letter I wrote to my "boyfriend's" father. Just so you can get the jist of things. I need some advice on what to do or where to go next. Have you had a similar situation or know someone that has? What was the outcome? If you need anymore info just ask. By the way we have almost 3 month old twins.

I am coming to you as a last resort kind of thing. No one else can get through to Christopher and maybe you can.

I am not sure what has happen between you and Christopher throughout all these years other than what I have heard from him and everyone else, but mostly him. And I know you werent in his life for long periods of time and I dont know the real story of why but I know he has suffered because of that. He has told me and I can see it as well. When he did talk about you before I met you and you guys starting seeing each other again, he would say how he wished things were different and he didnt know why you werent around and wished that you were.

I am coming to you in hopes that maybe you can help him become a better person for our babies and himself. I dont know what he tells you but he is not the father I think he should be. Everyone else thinks the same but doesnt really bother to say or do anything about it. He hardly ever comes to see them unless I complain about him not seeing them for a few days and when he does come its only for a few hours if that. Those babies have no idea who he is and I can see that already. He spends the majority of his time with his friends doing whatever he wants. He has no responsibility for them and thinks he can have the same life he did before they were here. The last thing I want to do is keep them from him but sometimes I feel I have no other choice and maybe if I did that then he would step up. I dont agree with that though.

The day we came home from the hospital, him and Donnie got into a fight and Christopher pulled out a knife on Donnie right next to where the babies were laying. He has thrown a carseat at me while I was standing right next to Emma. He threw a full used diaper at me while I was burping Kayden and broke a glass that behind me on the headboard of the bed and glass shattered everywhere all over the bed. He wants to come and go as he pleases and give me whatever amount of money he feels like. The only reason he has a job now is because you basically handed him one. Otherwise he still would be "looking". He always tells me he wasnt ready to have a baby let alone 2 but neither was I. But they are here now and we have to be here for them. They didnt ask to be born. They are here because me and HIM made a decision that resulted in them being here. I didnt make these babies by myself but it sure as hell feels like it. And the thing that bothers me the most is he would always talk about how you werent around and it hurts him, then why in the hell would he do the same thing to his children?? It just blows my mind. And it just irks me so bad that he tells everyone how hard it is to take care of them and be a father when he isnt there doing it. I am just to my wits end on the whole situation and need some help with him. He is out of control and no one can seem to get through to him. Thats why I am coming to you because from what I have heard it was a similar situation with you and him. Maybe coming from his father, someone who has been there, can give him some sort of guidance. I can only hope you can do or say something to help him before its too late. I would hate for these babies to have to feel the way Christopher has expressed his feelings about you before you guys got together again. They need their father just as much as they need me. I am doing my part and need him to do his. But if all else fails, at least thanks for reading this.


Angie - posted on 08/19/2010




OH hunny i wish you the best of luck. I am a single mom of 3 and there father have nothing to with them as well. I also do not have a relationship with my father. I meet him when i was 16 and am now 34 and have seen him only a handful of times. I wish so badly that i could tell you he will come around. I will pray for you and your babies that there father will be more a part of there lives. The one thing i can tell you is that no matter what you do you can NOT make someone love there children or be part of there lives. It is unfortunate that a man who knows damned good and well what that feels like is doing the same to his children.
On a different subject you stated that he has pulled a knife on some one and has thrown things at you while you were holding your children!? In my opinion he is not worthy of being a daddy to these wonderful children! Yes he is there father and nothing on this earth can change that, but any man or woman who abuses there partner or former partner needs to be in jail for domestic violence and should undergo some counseling! Do not force the issue with him and do not try to make him see them.. he will prove him self to either be a good parent or not on his own. By getting angry with him or making him feel guilty he will feel resentment towards you and the children even more. I feel like this if he cant or wont take care of them then let it go. Show your children that there mother loves them and will always be there with a loving and safe place for them! Good luck!

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