I need tips for getting child support

[deleted account] ( 20 moms have responded )

My baby's father won't pay child support. I'm trying to go through the court system. But it's taking forever. He lives in a different state than me, and I don't know what to do. I told him he can't see his child until he helps out. And he seems to be okay with that. I'm so lost.

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BettyAnn - posted on 12/09/2009

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It depends on which state you are in. In PA getting child support really just took proof that he is the father. Either you already have paternity papers or the court has him sign them. The first time he didn't pay they started attaching his wages, meaning the state takes it right from his check so he doesn't get an option. Unfortunately if he's like my ex, that doesn't stop him from quitting jobs or working under the table but...they also send you his tax return and those unpaid payments add up and he still owes them to you and they will eventually get it to you. It is worth it to file for support.

At one point I was owed over $13K but they made him catch up, they issue a warrent for jail time if he doesn't pay. Without the court order...you're just left begging him for $ and no one should have to do that.

As for telling him he can't see the baby, yes, that definitely can backfire. He can actually take you to court and charge you with restriction of visitation and then you're the defendant and the courts may see him as the victim and give him whatever he wants. Even if he's just doing it to get at you, not really to see the baby. Tread lightly there.

Oh and support goes by where the child lives...not where he lives. It will take a little more effort but it only gets harder if you don't.

Sheila - posted on 12/15/2009

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I applied for medicaid because my children's father wasn't paying at first and when i applied for medicaid they asked where the father was and when I informed them the next thing I know he was cursing me out because I got "THE MAN" on him. It probably took a total of about three to four months before the payments actually started. And now he has been paying faithfully for about four years and when his check increases so does mine.

Sue - posted on 12/10/2009

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I was told early on to never rely on child support. Then hopefully one day I'll get some money as a lump sum or maybe not. Go through all the steps to get it but get used to the idea that you probably won't see much. Most child support enforcement is not all that successful with people who just are not willing to pay. As long as those numbers are adding up in the system he won't be able to avoid it forever.

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Danielle - posted on 12/20/2009

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oh sorry! i have read back! i was watching news in uk and did see a case and i assumed that in us that was way it went! il delete my posts! thanks 4 msging! feel bit daft! x

BettyAnn - posted on 12/16/2009

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Quoting danielle:

wow i really cant beileve these poor men that give there sperm to help woman get children they desperatly want! have to pay child support is it not enough that they gave you a little miracal! i want to be a surragate mom does that mean i will hand over a baby to a mom and then have to pay child suuport a year later! im all for men having to pay for there kids im in the process at the mo from his deadbeat dad! but im shcked and now re thinking suragocy! i would understand a one night stand and getting pregnant! but these men are going into a clinic to help u have a baby! soon there will be no sperm donars as they will get stiffed for money then where will ur babys come from!



Danielle...when those of us with children who have deadbeat dads call them "sperm donors" it's sarcasm.  Meaning that's all they have ever been to the child or children.  Reread the comments before ranting.

BettyAnn - posted on 12/16/2009

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Quoting danielle:

wow i really cant beileve these poor men that give there sperm to help woman get children they desperatly want! have to pay child support is it not enough that they gave you a little miracal! i want to be a surragate mom does that mean i will hand over a baby to a mom and then have to pay child suuport a year later! im all for men having to pay for there kids im in the process at the mo from his deadbeat dad! but im shcked and now re thinking suragocy! i would understand a one night stand and getting pregnant! but these men are going into a clinic to help u have a baby! soon there will be no sperm donars as they will get stiffed for money then where will ur babys come from!



Danielle...when those of us with children who have deadbeat dads call them "sperm donors" it's sarcasm.  Meaning that's all they have ever been to the child or children.  Reread the comments before ranting.

La'Keveya - posted on 12/14/2009

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ITS A V3RY L0NG AND STR33FUL PR0C3SS!! MY BABY'S SP3RM D0N0R HAS B33N 0RD3R3D T0 PAY CHILD SUPP0RT AND D03SNT D0 IT!! TH3 SYST3M ISNT D0ING ANYTHING T0 STR3SS TH3 P0INT T0 HIM THAT H3 HAS T0 PAY!!

April - posted on 12/13/2009

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Go to your state's department of economic security. They have ALL the resources needed and will do ALL the legwork for you. If you rely on the court system and doing it yourself, it will end up costing you...big time. Let DES do it for you. They will serve him and everything.

[deleted account]

You could try calling his employer and see if they will garnish his wages. It's a stretch but your not the only one who has or is in the situation. So, maybe they will understand. Good Luck

Tanya - posted on 12/13/2009

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Well i didnt take my childs father for the 1st 9 years. I wish i never did because child support wont make them be fathers .It makes them worse. They feel like your taking their money so to hurt you they dont deal with the child.Child support is a joke and trust me the kid could care less about it.I have one year left and we will say good bye glady to it.It is a roller coaster some times you get money some months you dont.Just depend on your money and take it as a added bonus if you do receive a check but dont depend on it because then it will cause you more grieve

Kryss - posted on 12/13/2009

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I am unsure as to where you live but in the state of georgia, if he has a job they will take it.. they put guys in jail for not paying .. thats here in Georgia mayb different in other states.

Jodi - posted on 12/12/2009

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It does depend on what state you live in, but the best thing to do is what you are doing by going thru the court system. Don't tell him can't see the child, but since he lives in another state more than likely he won't make the effort to visit anyway. You should try to find out as much about what the laws are in the state you live in as far as child support and visitation rights if you were not married. Sometimes they think they can avoid paying all together, but evenutally it will catch up with them in the end. It did with mine and others that I have talked to going thru the same thing. Good luck. I hope it works out for you.

Gricelda - posted on 12/12/2009

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Be patient it took me almost two years to finally start getting the child support I had to do a lot of pushing to get the job done because on a regular basis the system fails. I got a lot of "oh no we don't have a note about that, or it doesn't look like that was filed"... So keep bugging the crap out of them and be as calm as you cant so that you can get them to want to help you. Remember the squeaky wheel! Get as much info about the father as you can so that they can search for him and keep them updated. call. It gets really annoying and you'll get tired but it will payoff when you least expect it. Now I don't worry about it, it goes directly into my bank account every two weeks. Here in CA they suspend their license after a month of not paying but I did have to remind them that the month was two or three months ago. so find out what you can do in your state and in his.

Sue - posted on 12/11/2009

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I agree with the "he can't see his baby" is bad. Child support and visitation are separate issues. You are never allowed to violate a visitation order or not allow a biological parent to see their child as punishment for not paying child support.

Crystal - posted on 12/10/2009

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One thing I want to suggest is not to say "he can't see his baby" saying that looks really bad on you if he were to take you to court for custody. However you can do supervised visits etc.

Now on to the child support. The good thing is he started owing it the day you filed for it, so even if you aren't getting it now, it is racking up! The state will take it from his pay once it gets started! Good luck, my daughter was 4 before I started getting any kind of help from her dad~

The person I really feel sorry for is the father. He is missing out on precious moments he can never get back!

Malou - posted on 12/10/2009

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The thought attaining finacial support for my kids, till now. Have'nt succeeded. My kids now are 14 yrs old and 9 yrs old. YEs I am worried since after sometimes the eldest will be in college and my income cant barely support.

I will wait for informations to U guys. On what is the best thing to do and How to start it.

Thanks.

[deleted account]

I am going through the same thing. Which isn't surprising - statistics are something like 40% of dad's are delinquent in their support. You need to keep going through the court system, it is time consuming and takes awhile, but in the end will prove effective.
Meanwhile - remember that visitation and child support are two different things - I would speak to a lawyer about denying visitation over child support - that tactic could backfire on you in the end.

Ashley - posted on 12/09/2009

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I am going through the same thing right now. My son is 20 months old and his father choose drugs and partying over us. So we are at my mothers now. He doesn't give me a dime because according to him, he can't. He doesn't see him either, which is a joke because he lives 2 blocks away. I know its hard, dealing with raising your child alone, then having to deal with the unsupportive father who really doesn't seem to care. My only advice it to stay strong and continue with the courts. Once that is all done, he won't have a choice on wheter to pay or not. Sorry about your situation! If you ever need to talk, let me know.

Erica - posted on 12/09/2009

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Unfortunatly, my daughters sperm donor is the same way. Going threw the judicial system does take forever!! my daughter was born Aug 31 and, we dont even go to court for the first time until, Feb.I live in Vermont, and we have The Office of Child Support. They file the paperwork, locate the father, arrange a court date, if the child was born out of wedlock, they make him take a dna test, and they carry out their lovely little process. You still have to attend the hearing and stuff, and they sometimes require you to take a couple classes on divorce and, Helping your child cope with divorce and separation. It takes forever, but its worth it in the end.

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